Tag Archive: TV

Mar 15 2011

Prime Time

Let me start with a reminder that as of tomorrow I’m suspending Prime Time and am instead live blogging the television coverage of the NCAA Men’s and Women’s Basketball Tournaments.  If you enjoy and will miss Prime Time I certainly encourage anyone to pick up the franchise and continue it.  As I mention I’m not particular about the format, mine is simple but time consuming (about 2 hours, most wasted finding quotes).

Those interested might co-ordinate in comments as there is no need for 16 one day and none the next.  I publish at 7:30ish so that you have time to read it.

Tonight on broadcast there’s nothing much interesting unless the Season Finale and aftermath of The Bachelor floats your boat.  A fair number of premiers.

We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.

The good part, William, is that, no matter whether our clients make money or lose money, Duke & Duke get the commissions.

Later-

I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.

Dave hosts Charles Barkley and Cold War Kids.  Jon and Stephen in repeats from 3/1 and 3/3.  Alton does Devil’s Food Cake.  Conan in repeats from 1/10 (for the Tournament).

We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer!

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 14 2011

Prime Time

New episode of The Amazing Race.  Animation domination (except for Family Guy).  Nature on Bee Colony Collapse, Mark Twain.  All times Daylight Savings (which Zap2it hasn’t quite caught up with yet).

Also a reminder that starting Tuesday Prime Time is suspended for NCAA Men’s and Women’s Basketball Tournament live blogging.

Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me.

You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don’t let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.

Later-

Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.

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Mar 13 2011

Prime Time

Rascal Flatts if you like that sort of thing.  Austin City Limits has Bettye LaVette and Pinetop Perkins.

White Heaven is for decent, good, God-fearing Christians who just happen to, well, hate everyone and everything relating to black people. That means no Muhammad Ali, no hip-hop music and no fucking Jesse Jackson.

Turns out that God really doesn’t have that much of a problem with racism. He doesn’t even remember slavery, except in February. Personally, I hate black people Ruckus. That’s why I did everything I could to make their lives miserable. Crack? Me. AIDS? Me. Reaganomics? C’mon. I’m in the name.

Later-

Now let us pray. Lord, I have spent my whole life hatin’ you for makin’ me black. And now I see I must hate myself and all those like me, and cause them misery just like your savior Ronald Reagan did. And if any of my words don’t come directly from the almighty God himself, then may I be struck by lightnin’ right this very instant!

SNL has Zach Galifianakis and Jessie J.

BoondocksThe Passion of Reverend Ruckus.  The Venture BrothersHate Floats

The lightning bolt that saved Shabazz’s life seemed to have struck Uncle Ruckus on his tumor. Doctors would find no remaining signs of his cancer. Some called it a miracle… And maybe there are forces in this universe we don’t understand. But I still believe we make our own miracles.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 12 2011

Prime Time

Broadcast is dead.  So is cable, all lazy ass play the same B movie twice programming.

And as if to prove all I have said, here is one of the first to go! A lad who sat before me on these very benches, who gave up all to serve in the first year of the war. One of the iron youth who have made Germany invincible in the field! Look at him. Sturdy and bronze and clear-eyed! The kind of soldier every one of you should envy! Paul, lad, you must speak to them. You must tell them what it means to serve your fatherland.

(I)t’s been a long while since we enlisted out of this classroom. So long, I thought maybe the whole world had learned by this time. Only now they’re sending babies, and they won’t last a week! Up at the front you’re alive or you’re dead and that’s all. You can’t fool anybody about that very long. And up there we know we’re lost and done for whether we’re dead or alive. Three years we’ve had of it, four years! And every day a year, and every night a century! And our bodies are earth, and our thoughts are clay, and we sleep and eat with death! And we’re done for because you *can’t* live that way and keep anything inside you!

Later-

A man’s hands never seem to get clean, even if he don’t touch nothing. They just stay dirty. Sort of a special kind of dirt. G.I. dirt. I bet one of those criminologists could take a sample out of a guy’s fingernail, put it under a microscope, and say, “That’s G.I. dirt.” The dirt’s always the same color, no matter what country you’re fighting in.

Dave in repeats from 2/3.

Pork Chop Hill is in North Korea now, but those who fought there know for what they died, and the meaning of it.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 11 2011

Prime Time

Why does TV suck so much?

Discuss.

To the last, I will grapple with thee… from Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!

We are one big, happy fleet! Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space!

Later-

You still remember, Admiral. I cannot help but be touched. I, of course, remember you.

Dave in repeats from 2/8.  Jon has Trey Parker and Matt Stone (talking about Mormons), Stephen Jeff Greenfield.  Conan hosts Seth Rogen, Wendy Williams, and Lykke Li.

It has been said that social occasions are only warfare concealed. Some would prefer it to be more honest, more… open.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 10 2011

Prime Time

The horror.

I’m here to kick your ass, and you know it, and everybody here knows it, and above all, you deserve it. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that this party is about to become a historical fact.

I hate feeling ashamed. I hate where I’m from. I hate watching my friends get everything their hearts desire. I gave into that hatred and I turned on what I believed in. I didn’t have to. You didn’t.

Later-

We’re gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don’t worry, we’re not gonna hurt anyone. We’re not even gonna touch ’em. We’re just gonna make ’em cry a little, just by lookin’ at ’em.

Dave in repeats from 2/10.  Jon has Aaron Eckhart, Stephen David Brooks (David Broder being unresponsively dead and all).  Conan hosts Paul Rubens, Shane Mauss, and Edmund Morris.

Don’t go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 09 2011

Prime Time

A V premier.  That’s about it.

I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I’ve nurtured every sensation man’s been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist.

Don’t get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don’t ever let them see you coming. That’s the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd… the leper… shit-kickin’ surfer. Look at me. Underestimated from day one. You’d never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?

Later-

Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off! He’s a tight-ass! He’s a SADIST! He’s an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!

Dave in repeats from 1/31.  Jon has Brian Christian, Stephen Dan Sinker (get some wiki pages you assholes!).  Conan hosts Nigel Marven and Gary Oldman.

Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.

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Mar 08 2011

Prime Time

Some premiers.  PBS has an interesting documentary on Islamic Spain.  I understand Stargate Universe is starting it’s final 10 episodes.  This season is ok, but if it’s ever (as it appears to be) I’m extremely disappointed because it’s way better than Caprica.

Quotes are not essential.  I dare you to find them.

Later-

Dave in repeats from 1/18.  Jon has Rand Paul (ugh), Stephen Joshua Foer.  Alton does Garbanzos and Eggs Benedict.  Conan hosts Seth Green and Travis Barker.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Mar 07 2011

Prime Time

Well, a lot of premiers.  Amazing Race for one.  Animation Domination on Faux.  America’s Next Great Restaurant Series Premier (though if you’re stealing ideas from basic cable it’s a sign of weakness).  PBS has Ken Burns on Mark Twain (some of you wonder why I use ek hornbeck, that other one is already taken).

What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!

I never guess: it is an appalling habit, destructive to the logical faculty. A private study is an ideal place for observing facets of a man’s character. That the study belongs to you exclusively is evident from the dust: not even the maid is permitted here, else she would scarcely have ventured to let matters come to this pass.

Later-

Your separation from various societies is indicated by these blank spaces surrounding your diploma, clearly used at one time to display additional certificates. Now, what can it be that forces a man to remove these testimonials to his success? Why, only that he has ceased to affiliate himself with these various societies and hospitals and so forth, and why do this, having once troubled to join them all? It is possible that he became disenchanted with one or two of them, but NOT likely that his disillusionment extended to all. Rather, I postulate it is THEY who became disenchanted with YOU, doctor, and asked you to resign, from all of them. Why, I’ve no idea. But some position you have taken, evidently a medical one, has discredited you in their eyes.



Have I omitted anything of importance?

My sense of honor.

Oh, it is implied by the fact that you have removed the plaques from the societies to which you no longer belong. In the privacy of your study, only you would know the difference.

The clue obviously lies in the word “cheddar.” Let’s see now. Seven letters. Rearranged, they come to, let me see: “Rachedd.” “Dechdar.” “Drechad.” “Chaderd” – hello, chaderd! Unless I’m very much mistaken, chaderd is the Egyptian word meaning “to eat fat.” Now we’re getting somewhere!

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Mar 06 2011

Prime Time

College Hoopies, Duke @ North Carolina.  Another miserable remake.  Austin City Limits has Aimee Mann and Iron & Wine.

Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.

I guess he had it coming.

We all have it coming.

YOU HEARD ME. TURN OFF THAT GODDAMN…BLACK…AFRICAN…CONGO…JUNGLE…NOISE!

Later-

Mr. Wuncler, ya know, yesterday I thought this was cute, but, don’t you think you guys are taking this a little far?

Jazmine can leave whenever she wants, but Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony will have to be put down.

What?!

He’s your pony now. Your percentage was supposed to pay for his food and upkeep. Now he’ll starve to death in a puddle of his own feces.

SNLMiley Cyrus (ugh) and The Strokes

BoondocksThe Block is Hot.  The Venture BrothersPowerless in the Face of Death

But, sanity eventually returned, and when it does, you better have your coat.

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