Dispatches From Hellpeckersville- The Tears Came Later

Last week we had our first thanksgiving without Mom. It went better than I expected. The food came out beautifully, Dad ate two really big plates full, and I didn’t even bitch when they put on the game from the devil. They were nice enough not to have it on all day. Still, late that night, after everyone was asleep, I cried. It was just…hard. Remembering all the good times, Mom as she was at her best. I really miss that, and probably will for the rest of my life. Christmas is going to suck a little too, I thought. But probably also later, after the kids are asleep.

Then came Saturday, the big Cards Against Humanity game. Usually it’s just Jon and Jen, but not last week. Last week we were joined by the Diva and Toodles. That’s my little sister and her husband, who used to be in a band with Cleetus, for those who don’t know. The Diva called me a few weeks back saying she heard tell there was fun to be had at our place and she wanted in. Acting on The More The Merrier paradigm, I said, “Sure, come on over. Why not?” Oh, well I’m about to tell you why not.

The game got started late. The Diva and Toodles were on time, but Jon and Jen arrive when her shift ends, and once in a while things go late, they get a little held up, we don’t mind, it’s Saturday. So we killed time, with her joking about which piece of my art could she steal and pass off as her own to send as a gift to her daughter in Seattle, and Cleetus playing some of his new tunes for them. At this point, I should mention that with the exception of a visit when Mom was dying, and once after, the Diva has spent next to no time in this house for the last ten or so years. It’s her own weirdness, that I can’t get into, but I really didn’t think about that when they said they were coming over. Finally Jon texted they were on the way and we got the cards out and we explained our simplified for drinkers rules.

The first game was an exercise in hilarity. Who knew what a horrible person Toodles was? A sheer delight, and of course he won. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him laugh so hard. Drinks were flowing and snacks were consumed. I had even made dip, I don’t always do that. Some nights we’re scrounging for snacks, but I figured, oh, six of us, I’d better prepare. Mostly they were drinking beer, but the Diva had brought a chardonnay box o wine, not the big white, the better, smaller box, figuring I might indulge, but nay! nay! Not with the meds I’m currently taking, so she was working her way through that.

Midway through the second game the Diva starts to zone out. Not the worst thing in the world, hey, she’s drinking, it happens. Then it happens-she starts to cry. Shit. She’s looking all around the dining room and I can almost see her thoughts. Oh, fuck. It is all I can do not to go all Tom Hanks on her and tell her that there is NO crying in Cards Against Humanity!!! Jon and I trade eyerolls. The game has slowed to a crawl. I say, “That’s it, Toodles, take her in to lay on the couch. She’s done.” And so he does, and we throw her cards in, and carry on, but now we just want to finish. I find myself elbowing Cleetus, and repeating–answer, just answer! We truncate the game and finish it off. Jon and Jen gathering their things and skedaddling as I offer apologies. It wasn’t like we broke it up early, no, but it wasn’t a great note to end on is what.

So, when Toodles gets her up to go home, she tells me it just got to her. Maybe we should change some things up now? In the decor? Yeah, good luck with that. Dad is still here, and he likes it as is. I can’t help it that she feels weird here now. Maybe I should have realized that something like that could happen, but it really never occurred to me. When I would say to her, “You know, whatever you think was wrong between you and Mom, you could just come by now, she remembers nothing.” She would just blow me off. They never really had a big fight or anything, the Diva just distanced herself and let that grow. I didn’t really see her cry at Mom’s funeral. So, I wasn’t expecting it when the tears came later.