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Jan 26 2018

Special Offer

 

Trolling. Trolling. Trolling.
Though your prostate’s swollen
Keep them dookies comin’, Charmin.

Through beans and farts and bladder,
Best toilet ever,
Takin’ my butt cheeks for a ride.

All the Beer I’m pissin’,
Bad Tacos, Clams, and fixin’s,
Are tearing out of my insides.

Push it out, wipe it up,
Wipe it up, push it out.
Push it out, wipe it up:
Charmin.

Have a dump, take a piss,
Take a piss, have a dump,
Have a dump, take a piss:
Chaaaarmiiiiiiiiin!

Charmin.

Unfortunately that’s all original. Except the music.

So it seems the current Misadministration asked the Guggenheim Museum if they could borrow Van Gogh’s Landscape With Snow (1888) which is basically a picture of a man walking a dog for temporary exhibition in the White House because everybody knows Trump’s fake Renoir is… well, fake.

It’s actually a common enough arrangement and usually goes though without a hitch. This time, alas, the painting, “prohibited from travel except for the rarest of occasions”, was scheduled to be sent to Spain for an extended period and then return to New York for display in the permanent collection. For the foreseeable future.

Ahem.

However, do we have a deal for you! Maurizio Cattelan’s America has just come off display and both we and the Artist would be more than happy to have you install it, we’ll even send a Curator Plumber to help.

Plumber?

America is a solid Gold toilet worth more that $1 Million just as bullion. Then there is the artistic value. Outside of being fully functional in every respect it is reliable, having had more than 100,000 umm… visitors during its year on display in the 5th floor lavatory. People say it’s a transformational experience.

From the Washington Post

Cattelan has also suggested that he had in mind the wealth that permeates aspects of society, describing the golden toilet “as 1 percent art for the 99 percent.”

“Whatever you eat, a $200 lunch or a $2 hot dog, the results are the same, toilet-wise,” he has said.

Alternet calls it “a massively bold trolling”.

I am compelled to agree.

We are sorry not to be able to accommodate your original request but remain hopeful that this special offer may be of interest.

Burn!