I suppose I should have warned you about this before. I have an evil twin who looks exactly like me and has all my passwords.
Now I realize this can cause some confusion so I have devised a foolproof test- if I say anything that diminishes your opinion of me as a suitable Supreme Court Justice or pin you on a bed and start raping you…
Well, that’s bad ek, my evil twin, and I forgive you for being mistaken because I’m such a nice and reasonable guy and not rapey at all. Your apology is accepted.
Now that that’s straightened out I want to talk to you about sovereign power, divine right, and why it’s good to be the King even if you have to put up with idiots like Hedley LaMarr (I mean Count the Money, I mean de Monet– like Colbert and “de” means “of” in French which would mean he either owns all the Money which of course he can’t because it has my picture on it or he’s an accountant who knows the depth of my Scrooge McDuck vault so I can safely dive in it.
Or maybe I’m a Piss Boy, you can tell by the mole. His is fake.
I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Could you repeat that, sir?
So we’re going to have a super special midnight Supreme Court vote that no Democrats need stay awake for and most Republicans can give a pass too and all this unpleasantness will soon be over and we can get back to making America great again or at least safe for straight white rapey guys.
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