Dec 01 2018


So I’m kind of on this nostalgia kick. Today I want to talk about Rules of Order.

Pretty odd way to start a music piece ek.

I have a plan.

Or a story, which is almost as good. And it’s topical too!

Back in the day when the recently deceased H.W. was Serial King President (get over it folks, he looks good only in comparison with some truly abysmal contemporaries including his son) he proposed a Constitutional Amendment to ban Flag Burning.

Unpatriotic you see.

Unfortunately my Club has always skewed Right on the National level (Local too, truth be told) and they sent a Resolution out to the States to put us Four Square behind this initiative. So the Capo di Tutti (same guy I used Animal for) dutifully put it before the membership in our Representative Assembly.

Needless to say I was incredibly opposed, even my Republican DJ buddy thought it was a stupid idea. Me? I was thrown out of what we gently termed ‘Opening Exercises’ from the Sixth Grade on- “If you’re going to stand there and read Mr. Hornbeck, you can do it in the hall!”

Fine. Didn’t bother me a bit and as you know, I don’t really care about other people’s opinions of me. Did have to do some re-education when I got to High School, my Homeroom Teacher asked me to say the Pledge one day because she was pissed at my non-compliance. I ripped it off in about 5 seconds (of course omitting the “under God” part) and sat down.

Everyone else kind of stood and stared at me, but as I said- I don’t care about other people’s opinions.

She said, “I think you should see the Housemaster.”

After a nice chat where we discussed the history of the Pledge and the philosophical underpinnings of Atheism and Left politics in general he said, “Umm… you can be excused from Homeroom. Check in at the Library, I’ll inform your Teacher.”

Sure, whatever. After that they simply assumed I was there whether I was or not.

In retrospect I can sort of understand why my classmates thought I was cool. Normal rules did not apply to me. Not that I felt it at the time, I was just as alienated as any other teen and outside a few equally non-conformist friends (including my DJ buddy) I thought I was entirely despised and isolated. It’s still quite a shock to meet a classmate who recognizes me with glee, amazement, and awe which, while not frequent because of my solitary nature, is universal.

“They didn’t like me!… They never liked me!”

Evidently I was mistaken. I was envied and considered unapproachable. A Heather, who’d a thunk?

Back to Rules of Order. Always good to know, most organizations start off with Robert’s

The manual was first published in 1876 by U.S. Army officer Henry Martyn Robert, who adapted the rules and practice of Congress to the needs of non-legislative societies. Ten subsequent editions have been published, including major revisions in 1915 and 1970.

Which they modify with By-Laws. My buddy and I kept a current copy of both handy and studied them regularly. When necessary or desirable we’d put forth minor changes that advantaged us which most of our opposition ignored. They seemed mostly harmless. Mostly. But this was straight Robert’s, we took turns Filibustering and politicking the floor. It was clear we were doomed, who would vote against The Flag!?

But the clock was ticking and the Bar was calling (it was a fun Club) and while we still had plenty of ammunition the opposition was kind of reduced to U.S.A.! U.S.A.! which was boring. At the critical moment I was recognized and said-

“Clearly this resolution requires more careful consideration than we can give it now. I move to table.”

My buddy popped up and said, “Second!”

Now the thing about a motion to table is that it proceeds directly to a vote with no debate (so does a motion to adjourn) so everyone was happy that they got a chance to vote and move on. My buddy and I knew this effectively killed the initiative (at least in our State) because National had set a deadline for response and the next convention of the body in Connecticut that had to approve it was after it expired.

We were not alone. It died a similar death in many other places and the Club never was able to fully endorse H.W.’s violation of the First Amendment. Good riddance you pandering, war mongering, torturing, spook.

But ek, how does this relate to music?

Have a bucket handy. At the time this was a real crowd pleaser-

God Bless the USA – Lee Greenwood

And people would all stand in the middle of the dance floor and hold hands and sway back and forth.

Yurp… sorry, told you to have a bucket.

I only had to hear it 20,000 times. 10,000 at DJ gigs and another 10,000 when one of the Capo di Tuttis decided it should be part of her Year End Video. Yeah, it takes that long to sync the background music (which we ripped off CD) to the Video Clips contributed by Club members.

Consider yourself lucky and don’t press play.

Another one I hated with a passion was this-

Coming to America – Neil Diamond

Ok, that bucket looks full. Number one- hydrate. Dry heaves can hurt you. Number two- I promise that the next one is better so you can dump it in the toilet and stick the bucket where you can’t smell the vomit.

Only had to listen to that one 10,000 times since it was never a hit on the dance floor but it was that Capo di Tutti’s theme song. Did I mention we did about 5 second cuts on the Year End Videos and they lasted about 15 to 18 minutes, three songs?


But ek, you were Capo di Tutti , what was your theme song?

Revolution – The Beatles

A little overdriven on the audio for my taste but the right tempo and not just the cover of The Beatles (all White) for video.

I remember every moment of my inauguration, each Local had their own table(s) and I spoke about how I felt I could sit down at every one of them (which of course I could and did, I was Capo di Tutti, but I wanted to message “inclusive” and “welcoming”) and when the dance started my new Underboss (replacing the one who embezzeled thousands) grabbed me and threw me on the dance floor where we spun like dervishes.

Perfectly chaste mind you. She and her Local (largest in the State) kind of adopted me like a pet and after a while they often forgot I wasn’t one of them.