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May 26 2019

Formula One 2019: Monaco

Also Indy 500

Look, were I a total Motorhead I’d be covering Jetboat races from Australia (fascinating by the way) and Tractor Pulls. I choose Formula One as a demonstration of Late Neo Liberal Capitalism crashing decadently to a close and of course nothing epitomizes that like Monaco, Libertarian paradise of the Mediterranean. Seriously, to actually impress anyone you’d have to show up in a Medium Sized ASW Carrier.

It sure looks a treat in a plastic Disneyland kind of way and I must say that as a tribute to Formula One’s roots it tugs at my Clio fantasies, but as a race it’s already over except for accident gambling.

Hamilton’s win after Scuderia Marlboro’s final assault (in a strategic sense, they might eke out a victory here and there) in Barcelona came up short. It’s a really, really big deal to use up your mid-season upgrade engine and fail.

In Monaco they will start in 4th, Mercedes Hamilton/Bottas, Verstappen for Red Bull. LeClerc a distant 15th after a total Qualifying strategy meltdown in Maranello- “No, your time will stand. Let’s save a set of tires.”

To be fair it’s the softest 3, C3 – 5, but Monaco, with it’s low speed twisty track is a one stopper except for accidents.

Of which there are usually plenty and represent the only opportunity to change positions.

Twisted Chunks of Flaming Metal

People who like “close” racing, meaning side by side lead swapping among several contenders claim it’s more exciting than watching Teams out strategizing each other, fair enough. But the easiest way to do this is making the vehicles nothing more than cookie cutter bumper cars and employing the rules to ensure lots of safety car restarts and even more accidents. A NASCAR Sundae.

IndyCar is the same thing with open wheels. It’s very traditional. The field is larger than Formula One but the casualty rate is higher. To his credit Fernando Alonso chose not to accept a pity ride this year, it’s the cars that qualify, not the drivers, and the main teams will have 3 or 4 cars.

And except for that “close” racing it’s a snooze fest monotony of Turn Left and not in the good Doctor way.

Either way the biggest and worst racing day of the year.