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Dec 13 2019

Lunch with a Boor

This didn’t happen to me personally, it’s kind of third hand because I know people who know people and I have no reason to doubt the person who related this story or the original source.

It goes something like this.

The Lady in question was temporarily displaced from the Plaza Hotel which I mention not to impress but because the point that she can afford to live in the Plaza is relevant, and had taken up residence at 721 down the street. In her estimation and the words of the proprietor, it was a dump.

I mean, he thought it was perfect but he has very poor taste.

Demonstrated when he plopped himself next to her in the dining room and invited himself to lunch so he could pitch his current con after which she politely, in a Nero Wolfe kind of way, told him that she never discusses business at the table and he should call her people (meaning for the unsubtle- go away and never bother me again).

It wasn’t so much the pitch, the details are immaterial, it was the experience. Not just creepy in that Hillary debate kind of way (pro tip- don’t loom over women, stalk them, or touch them unexpectedly and without invitation) but disgusting in the “Ewww” kind of way that comes from watching someone consume a lump of coal inches from diamondhood in a sea of ketchup.

In my life I’ve been fortunate to find better friends than I deserve (my family thinks I’m a blot on the escutcheon and I feel forced to agree). My Therapist insists they must see some redeeming quality beyond my self assessment and we spend our time in session looking for it (so far without success, but therapy is not a cure- it’s a living).

At least I’m not this guy.