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Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First
The Onion News In Brief
MINNEAPOLIS—Calling for a more measured way to express opposition to police brutality, critics slammed demonstrators Thursday for recklessly looting businesses without forming a private equity firm first. “Look, we all have the right to protest, but that doesn’t mean you can just rush in and destroy any business without gathering a group of clandestine investors to purchase it at a severely reduced price and slowly bleed it to death,” said Facebook commenter Amy Mulrain, echoing the sentiments of detractors nationwide who blasted the demonstrators for not hiring a consultant group to take stock of a struggling company’s assets before plundering.
“I understand that people are angry, but they shouldn’t just endanger businesses without even a thought to enriching themselves through leveraged buyouts and across-the-board terminations. It’s disgusting to put workers at risk by looting. You do it by chipping away at their health benefits and eventually laying them off. There’s a right way and wrong way to do this.” At press time, critics recommended that protestors hold law enforcement accountable by simply purchasing the Minneapolis police department from taxpayers.
To my American friends: 3 spoons of baking soda per glass of water in a sprayer. Spray it in your face and the burning will go away. My advice based on my experience in protests in Chile ??????? https://t.co/pNVH59xhiV
— Catalina Pereira M (@catapereiram) May 28, 2020
Comrades in Minneapolis—this video from Chile shows how to extinguish tear gas canisters quickly, safely, and easily. Please pass it on! Verbal instructions below.
Don't let the police or #COVID19 cut off your air supply. Fight back! ??#icantbreathe #GeorgeFloyd #Minneapolis pic.twitter.com/rvuvwIW97g
— CrimethInc. (@crimethinc) May 28, 2020
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Something to think about over coffee prozac
Who Exactly Is Doing the Looting, and Who’s Being Looted?
DAVID SIROTA, JACOBIN
eadlines this morning are all about looting — specifically, looting in Minneapolis, after the police killing of an unarmed African-American man was caught on video. In the modern vernacular, that word “looting” is loaded — it comes with all sorts of race and class connotations. And we have to understand that terms like “looting” are an example of the way our media often imperceptibly trains us to think about economics, crime, and punishment in specific and skewed ways.
Working-class people pilfering convenience-store goods is deemed “looting.” By contrast, rich folk and corporations stealing billions of dollars during their class war is considered good and necessary “public policy” — aided and abetted by arsonist politicians in Washington lighting the crime scene on fire to try to cover everything up.
To really understand the deep programming at work here, consider how the word “looting” is almost never used to describe the plundering that has become the routine policy of our government at a grand scale that is far larger than a vandalized Target store.
Indeed, if looting is defined in the dictionary as “to rob especially on a large scale” using corruption, then these are ten examples of looting that we rarely ever call “looting”:
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