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Jul 04 2021

The Breakfast Club (Cake)

Welcome to The Breakfast Club!

AP’s Today in History for July 4th

America’s Declaration of Independence; Former Presidents John Adams and Thomas Jefferson die on same day; Israel’s raid at Entebbe; West Point opens; Lou Gehrig’s farewell to baseball; Neil Simon born.

Breakfast Tune Pete Seeger – This Land is Your Land

Something to think about, Breakfast News & Blogs below

Donald Rumsfeld Survived By 1 Million Fewer Iraqis
The Onion

TAOS, NM—Former U.S. secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld passed away Wednesday at 88 years old, sources confirmed, and is survived by 1 million fewer Iraqis.

“It is with tremendous sorrow that we share the passing of an American icon, whose legacy in decades of shaping U.S. foreign policy will be felt by the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi men, women, and children who might otherwise still be alive,” read an obituary of the former U.S. congressman, White House chief of staff, and RAND Corporation chairman, adding that he also leaves behind an incalculable number of current and former prisoners who will feel his influence for the rest of their lives.

“After a long and rich life, Donald leaves behind the stark absence of so many Iraqi mothers, fathers, uncles and aunts, grandparents, children, and grandchildren, as well as innumerable never-to-be-born potential descendants.

He also leaves behind hundreds of thousands fewer Afghans, and we cannot forget the untold lives he has also helped snuff out through his proud work with defense and pharmaceutical companies in the private sector.

He may be gone, but his impact will be felt forever.” Following the former defense secretary’s cremation, the family would reportedly act in accordance with his wishes by force-feeding his ashes to prisoners at Guantanamo.

Something to think about over coffee prozac

 
Rumsfeld Family Immediately Squabbling Over Who Will Inherit Mounted Heads Of Iraqi Civilians

The Onion

TAOS, NM—Raising tensions between the relatives to a fever pitch mere moments after the patriarch’s demise, the family of Donald Rumsfeld immediately began squabbling over who would inherit his collection of mounted heads of Iraqi civilians, sources confirmed Thursday. “Grandpa would want me to have them since he knew how much I loved them growing up,” said grandchild Lawrence Rumsfeld, dismissing the claims from Rumsfeld’s wife Joyce Pierson that the former defense secretary had promised on his deathbed to give her the set of severed and stuffed heads from families killed in Operation Iraqi Freedom. “I used to curl up and read under the little Iraqi child—the one that grandpa cherished with all his heart. He worked so hard to acquire it. On the other hand, Marcy never even cared about the mounted heads until today! And for the last time, no, we are not not going to divide them. These heads only work as a set.” At press time, the family had agreed that this would have been much easier if Rumsfeld had simply included instructions for the heads in his will as he had with his shares in Raytheon and Northrop Grumman.

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