Tag: Rant of the Week

   MAHER: And finally, New Rule, that the only plan we have for immigration reform is a military style surge, that wastes $46 billion for weapons, walls, prison camps and forty thousand armed guards in the desert, it’s not a plan. It’s a war. A war, to replace the wars that are ending overseas.

   Because after our last soldier leaves the wildly successful experiment in democracy known as Afghanistan, we’re going to be dangerously close to not having any wars and down to a mere 660 military bases in 38 countries. Jesus, what are we Switzerland now?

   Sorry Mexicans, but war is what keeps our economy going, so you’re just going to have to step up. The war on terror just got replaced by the war-hay on Jorge. That’ll teach you to take over channels 18-27 on our cable systems.

   Now, don’t get me wrong. I think border security is important and I have no doubt that the Republican plan for turning our southern border into the Hunger Games will put a stop to the number one threat facing America today – illegal cleaning ladies.

   But let’s be clear. This immigration bill has about as much to do with immigration as Sarah Palin has to do with mapping the human genome.

   Mexican immigration to America is now at net zero. That’s the little elephant in the room fact they don’t tell you. They’re not coming any more. Which is not to say there aren’t illegals already here over the last thirty years. 12 million Mexicans did come to America, in three cars.

   But look, if we deport all 12 million people, the continent will tip over. We need to get them in the system, because sooner or later, someone’s going to want to eat some fruit. So, why are we working so hard to make them miserable?

   The immigration bill says that while in America, they have to wait 13 years to become a citizen, learn to speak perfect English, pay taxes, but don’t get to use government services and hope to hell some dumb ass in the neighborhood watch program doesn’t shoot them.

   This bill could say “Mexicans eat paint” and Republican would say “Why not lead paint?”

   Now part of this, of course, is simple prejudice, but the bigger part is that peace and brotherhood is all fine and dandy, but there’s no money in it. Ten years ago, there were 10 thousand border control agents. Now there are 21 thousand. The new bill would up it to 38 thousand.

   Why? Because Republicans hate big government – except for war – which is their version of a stimulus package. Oh, not the bad kind of stimulus that builds schools and fixes bridges. That’s Socialism.

   Building weapon systems no one needs, that’s patriotism. This is about the same folks who frittered away your money on the phoney Iraq war, and the ten years in Afghanistan and the pointless drug war deciding that what this country really needs is yet another phoney war.

h/t Heather at Crooks and Liars

Anthony Kennedy becomes the father of Constitutional gay rights, and Antonin Scalia employs obscure legal jargon.

Republican lawmakers react to the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling, and Rand Paul warns of human-animal unions.

Following the Supreme Court’s DOMA ruling, traditional marriage is as defenseless as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine.

John Hodgman analyzes the financial repercussions of the Supreme Court’s decision on human gene patenting

If Abraham Lincoln stood for anything, it was the capitalist right to profit off the human body.

The Nation Security Agency collects millions of phone records from Verizon, and unlike during the Bush administration, this time it’s the Obama administration.  

The Obama administration believes in freedom of the press — just not freedom of speech for people who might talk to the press.

The Obama administration’s legal priorities tilt towards unusually harsh punishments for individuals whose crimes don’t seem to merit them.  

What Gaius Publius said.

The House Judiciary Committee grills Attorney General Eric Holder, and Louie Gohmert accuses Holder of casting aspersions on his asparagus.

“How dare you cast aspersion on that man’s asparagus! What is next, sir? Libeling his lettuce? Questioning his quinoa? Arguing with his arugula? Repudiating his rutabaga?! Vilifying his vinaigrette before drizzling it on his scandal salad?”