Tag: Stephen Colbert

A ban on a lethal injection drug has state officials thinking outside of the box for new ways to put people in a box

A sex scandal engulfs France’s Francois Hollande when he is caught cheating on one mistress with another mistress

Vive La France! Vive La Différence!

As the middle class declines, Bloomberg columnist Virginia Postrel suggests that television eliminates the need for higher wages.

Stephen’s DVD allows every family to experience the joy of having him as a guest of honor at Thanksgiving.  

Stephen celebrates Thanksgiving by drawing Nancy Pelosi hand turkeys, cooking with Martha Stewart and pardoning a turkey.

Stephen celebrates Hanukkah because he has a lot of Jewish friends, and he doesn’t care who knows it.  

Have a happy, health and safe holiday, everyone.

Allegations surface that the NSA spied on the Vatican, and Representative Mike Rogers defends the agency via circular logic.

Rep. Mike Rogers Angrily Defends Bathroom Spycam

by Ken White, Techdirt

Representative Mike Rogers (R-Michigan) was defiant today in the face of accusations that he had installed a small digital camera in the women’s bathroom in his office at the Capitol.

“This is just politics,” said the ten-term Congressman. “I would argue the fact that we haven’t had any women come forward with any specificity arguing that their privacy has been violated, clearly indicates, in ten years, clearly indicates that something must be doing right. Somebody must be doing something exactly right.”

When reporters asked how women would know to complain – the spycam, funded by the government, was expertly hidden – Rogers asserted that was the point. “You can’t have your privacy violated if you don’t know your privacy is violated ,” said Rogers.

Rogers went on to explain that the nation’s Capitol – which has housed figures like former Congressman Bob Filner and former Senator Bob Packwood – presents known dangers to women, and that the spycam is calculated to make certain they are protected from those dangers. “If the women knew exactly what that spycam was about, they would be applauding and popping champagne corks. It’s a good thing. it keeps the women safe. It keeps the Capitol safe,” Rogers asserted.

Rogers then abruptly concluded the interview, threatening to sue reporters if they wrote about it.

So, by Rep. Rogers premise, if a person is knocked unconscious and raped, it’s not a rape because you didn’t know about it at the time. Right. What a pig.

As more Americans apply for food stamps and disability benefits, conservative pundits and independent crusaders believe it’s good to shame them.

NYC mayoral candidate Joe Lhota goes after the key anti-kitten demographic after two lost kittens shut down America’s largest transportation system.

Kittens Stop NYC Subway Service

It only took two kittens to stop the city’s subway in its tracks.

Power was cut to the B and Q lines in Brooklyn for more than an hour after a woman reported Thursday morning that her kittens were loose in the nation’s largest subway system, transit officials said.

The furry felines, one black and the other white with gray stripes, were finally found on the tracks and rescued about seven hours later.

How they got there was a mystery. But they were seen running dangerously close to the high-voltage third rail.

Their owner rushed to a subway station with cat food for transit workers dispatched onto the tracks to use to try to corral them.

Joe Lhota, NYC Mayoral Hopeful, Wouldn’t Stop Trains For Kittens

A former chairman of the Metropolitan Transit Authority and New York City mayoral hopeful says he wouldn’t have stopped the subway because two lost kittens were scrambling along the tracks. [..]

Other mayoral hopefuls tell the paper they would’ve stopped the trains.

Fortunately, there are more cat lovers in NYC than Republican voters.

The Obama administration alerts Americans about an imminent Al Qaeda attack that could happen any moment, anywhere, at any time.

President Obama takes the first step in racial dialogue by discussing how it feels to be in a room full of white people who are scared of him.

   COLBERT: Nation, it’s time we Caucasian Americans accept that when it comes to furthering the racial dialog, the ball is in our court, even though having the ball on a court has never been our strong suit. President Obama had taken the first step by frankly discussing, as a black man, how it feels to be in a room full of white people who are scared of him.

   Now I believe it’s my turn to be honest about the white experience… black people are scary. And, folks, that’s not just me saying that. I mean, just ask the TV. […]

   That’s not prejudice. That’s just math. Okay? So, if in 2011, out of 42 million African Americans, 4149 were arrested for murder, which means we can reasonably be scared of .009% of African Americans. Now, it doesn’t sound like a lot, until… until you consider… until you consider that we don’t know which nine one thousandth of one percent. So, to be safe, we have to be scared of all of them.

   This is the same reason I assume all Arabs are terrorists and all Irishmen are leprechauns. […]

   Now that I’ve done this, in the dialog of racial understanding, white people have done our part. Okay? We have shown the courage to admit we’re terrified, but it’s a two way street black people.

   Which is why, right now, I would like to address all of my African American viewers. Folks, it is your responsibility to change how white people feel about you and according to President Obama, there’s a simple way you can do it. […]

   So the answer’s obvious. Black people need to become Senators.

h/t Heather at Crooks and Liars  

Following the Supreme Court’s DOMA ruling, traditional marriage is as defenseless as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine.