Tag: sausage grinder of snark

The Daily/Nightly Show (Not The News)

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Accidental

Intentional

Tonightly- Special Guest: Morgan Freeman.  Panelists Dan Savage, Alexandra Wentworth, and Kerry Poppins; topics: updates on George Zimmerman and the panel discusses a sex study, whatever that means.

Continuity

Jordan Klepper

This week’s guests-

I wonder what Tom Brokaw will be on to speak about since he’s already made it quite clear that Brian Williams is off limits.

Probably about A Lucky Life Interrupted, his new book

The real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Milli Vanilli)

Your Mama

Tonightly we have softball (not that it doesn’t happen often enough) with Will Packer, Rachel Feinstein, and Mike Yard (who presumably can hit for it).

Continuity

Deflategate

Oh, you didn’t seriously think I’d pass up an opportunity to talk about steroid abuse and the serious consequences it has to your health and sex life.

This week’s guests-

John Legend is probably on to talk about Lip Sync Battle and I am going to indulge you with a little rant of mine.

You see, the last concert I was at (though the company was engaging and we both had a good time I hope) was a totally horrid affair where I was herded into a barn-like expanse with nary a scrap of seat $10 nachos and $8 beer if you cared enough to stand in line for about an hour.

Then the acts started and it was just like a badly synced video (and I’ve produced enough to know) as the perfomers came on stage and danced listlessly and hardly bothered to pretend their cordless mole mikes and intruments were even turned on.

In short it was just like getting stoned in your skeevy friend’s basement and watching them dance around in their underwear playing air guitar to an 8 track that had been sitting on the dashboard for far too long and paying $100 for the privilege.

Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture mind you, but I suspect even my host was vastly disappointed and if they’re reading this (which is possible) I want to emphasise I’m grateful for the experience and the company.  On the other hand I’ll not be buying tickets to an Arianna Grande concert any time soon as much as I admire her talent as a singer and actress.

Girl, you know it’s true.

Two Mumford & Sons web exclusive videos below.  That and the real news.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Cray Day)

Kings County

Jacque Reid, the Lucas Brothers, Lavell Crawford, and Ricky Valez will be appearing tonightly.

Continuity

Al Madrigal

And because I can’t resist-

New Yoik v. New Joisey

Next week’s guests-

Mumford & Sons, despite the name, only has one Mumford, Marcus.  They play a kind of electrified folk music and have a new album out, Wilder Mind.

Ernest Moniz gets a 2 part web exclusive extended interview.  That and the real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Reefer Madness)

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Jordan Carlos

White Guy Jack

Tribalism

Tonightly the topic is Tamir Rice, you know, the 12 year old African American boy who was shot dead for having a TOY gun just about 2 seconds after the cop car stopped rolling.  Sucks to be Black in the United States I guess, a country of exceptional racism.  You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.  The panelists are Lavell Crawford, Dean Obeidallah, and Shenaz Treasury.

Continuity

Hail, hail, the gang’s all here.

This week’s guests-

Aw, who cares what Willie Nelson is going to be talking about?  Just make sure you have plenty of munchies and don’t have to take a pee test for the next month or so.

Yup, I really watched the first, in studio, screening of that with Stephen a mere 8 rows in front of me (Which is to say I sat in the back row with him in the front.  It’s not that big a studio.).

Brian Grazer gets a web exclusive extended interview.  And You Get A New Car!  And You!  And You!  You ALL Get New Cars!  That and the real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (The White Whale)

You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.

Bloods and Crips

Bill Nye the Science Guy will be on to talk about racism.

Oh, and also man nipples.

Continuity

I haz the sads

This week’s guests-

Brian Grazer is a producer meaning that he organizes the money behind creative products such as theater, television, and movies.  I call people like that family and friends and coming sooner than I think is this summer’s exercise in anarchy for which I recieved my first piece of new kit today.

As excited as I am about this project, it deserves it’s own development as my thinking and schedule solidifies.  Brian on the other hand will be on to talk about Heart of the Sea based on the true story of the whaling ship Essex which was the model for Moby Dick (in public domain by the way, you can read the whole text here).

Either that or  his new book A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life.

May the Fourth Be With You.  The real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (ersatz)

A cheap imitation of inferior quality.  That’s the gang for me.

The T-Word

Felonious Munk is a new regular.

Larry is on location in Baltimore with the Bloods and Crips.

Continuity

Next week’s guests-

Jon wasted all his time on 2 part web exclusive extended with Judith Miller last night which you will find below so no video.

Kristen Wiig will probably be talking about The Diary of a Teenage Girl.

The real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Fake News)

Yo’ Momma

Tonightly- is “thug” the new n-word?  More on the Baltimore unrest.  You stop being racist and I’ll stop talking about it.  Our panel is BobCostas, Charlamagne, Chloe A. Hillard, and Dios MiGos.

Larry really books the obscure guests.  Get a Wiki page you dopes!

Continuity

Hasan Minhaj

Oh, and a little Trevor Noah (not his best work I’m afraid).

This week’s guests-

On The Daily Show we continue our parade of media whores, con men, and liars with Judith Miller who has as much blood on her hands as William Randolph Hearst.

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits — a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

Rosebud.

George Stephanopoulos, another asshole who got a web exclusive extended interview.  It and the real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Shocked by Blowjobs)

Ugh

Ok, so I missed last night.  It’s a hard time of year for me when seasons change and my allergies have kept me from sleeping well.  But you know, almost everything on The Nightly yesterday was kind of cringe inducing if you have any empathy at all for transpeople starting with the fixation on Bruce Jenner’s private medical choices.

Who cares and it’s none of your damn business you nosey asshole if you do.

When I say almost I mean everything except the scant time Larry devoted to Baltimore where Jon kicked his butt.  Interesting that a white guy from Jersey did a better job than the African-American.  Maybe he’ll make up for it tonight.

Two guests only- Phillip B. Agnew and Seaton Smith.

Continuity

Incest is Best

And from last Thursday, what may be John Hodgman’s final appearance-

The thing’s hollow – it goes on forever – and – oh my God! – it’s full of stars!

This week’s guests-

Shocked by Blowjobs is an blow dried ingrate airhead in which he differs from the rest of his ilk not at all.

Neil deGrasse Tyson’s 2 part web exclusive extended interview from Thursday and the real news below.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Star Trekking)

Keeping it Water

Tonightly the topic is Creflo “Prosperity Gospel” Dollar.  What’s he up to now?  Our panelists are Mo’Nique Worldwide, Kevin Pollack, and Shenaz Treasury.

Continuity

Cheating

Next week’s guests-

Neil deGrasse Tyson will be on to promote Star Talk TV, a late night TV version of his ongoing radio series, Star Talk Radio.  The program started April 20th on the National Geographic Channel and at 11 pm ET goes head to head against Jon for at least a 10 week run.

Or maybe his role as Waddles the pig in Gravity Falls.

I really hate it when scum like Dana Perino get a web exclusive extended interview and I have to post it below.  Also the real news.

The Daily/Nightly Show (Soulless)

Black Ice Ice Baby

Tonightly’s topic is “Drought Shaming” and our panelists are Kevin Johnson, Judy Gold, and Guy Branum.

Continuity

Going Postal

This week’s guests-

Dana Perino is a soulless whore who now plies her stock in trade of baldfaced lies on Faux Noise.

Way to spend one of your last interviews Jon, unless of course you crush her like Cramer.

Jeff Garlin’s web exclusive extended interview and the real news below.

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