Tag: TV

Nov 04 2010

Prime Time

Premiers (except for Faux).  Looks like I’ll be watching Mythbusters and Man v. Food.  Phineas and Ferb has an air date 3 days from now.  Amazingly enough the NHL LA Kings google higher than their NBA namesakes.

Penny Pingleton, you know you are punished. From now on you’re wearing a giant P on your blouse EVERY DAY to school so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively, punished.

Later-

Dave hosts Tina Fey and Brad Paisley.  Jon has Chris Wallace (ugh, his father must be very proud), Stephen Doris Kearns Goodwin (not much of a historian actually, and a plagiarist).

Boondocks– Tom, Sarah and Usher.

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Nov 03 2010

Prime Time

Election Edition

Interlagos this week.  Means between the lakes.  Pitchers and Catchers report February 13th.

Elections taking up a lot of ether tonight, you can consider this an Open Thread (when isn’t it?).  In a sort of meta interesting way NBC and Faux start their election coverage at 9 (Faux only hangs for an hour), ABC at 9:30, and CBS at 10.

Or perhaps you wish to avert your eyes-

Oh, you zip it, Doris! Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry?

Later-

It will happen.

October 14th Dave.  Jon’s Indecision 2010: Maybe We Can’t and Stephen’s Indecision 2010: Revenge of the Fallen are billed as LIVE.  Stephen is sharing the spotlight with David Frum and Chrystia Freeland.

Boondocks– Stinkmeaner Strikes Back.

Regardless of the verdict of juries… no player who throws a ball game… no player who undertakes, or promises to throw a game… no player who sits in conference with a bunch of crooked players and gamblers where the ways and means of throwing a ball game are discussed, and does not promptly tell his club about it… will ever play professional baseball again.

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Nov 02 2010

Prime Time

Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?

Well, I’m a Peach.

Well I was just wonderin’ why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That’s the lump that’s three feet above your ass.

Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!

Why don’t you give her a break, Jimmy…

Oh, you zip it, Doris! Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry?

No, no, no.

Yeah! NO. And do you know why?

No…

Because there’s no crying in baseball. THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!

I am given to understand there was a shocking display last night, but I’m afraid I didn’t watch it.  Oh, I’m talking about cheering for W, not the 4 – 0 blow out.

You see, the Ranger’s problem is that they are facing elimination and in front of the home crowd too.

Battle of the Aces- Lee and Lincecum.  7 – 11 the first time out.  I renew my prediction of Weapons of Mass Destruction because I’m just as convicted convinced as any Washington Pundit that if I throw enough shit there’s sure to be a pony in there somewhere.

Other things-

The overnights should be interesting, solid premiers on broadcast, also Monday Night Throwball on ESPN– Texans @ Bolts (you know how to root).

Later-

Dave hosts Robert Downey Jr. and Elvis Costello and the Sugarcanes with Pete Thomas.  Jon has no identified guest, Stephen Jonathan Alter.  Double Alton, Curry and Stew.

Boondocks– The Passion of Reverend Ruckus (a must see excellent episode).

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Nov 01 2010

Prime Time

Ok, so the Rangers actually won a game and tonight we’re going to have to find something to watch other than Bush pere et filles throwing up out the ceremonial first pitch which you know Faux and Fiends will drag out as long as they can.  We’ll talk more about that later.

In the mean time the Giants are still in the catbird seat, they don’t have to win a single game in Arlington so it’s all gravy.  Both teams have decided to pitch their Aces only twice, not on short rest (a big mistake I think), so tonight’s matchup is Bumgarner and Hunter.  They are, at best, the fourth best pitchers on each team.  I maintain my prediction of a Pitchers’ Duel because it doesn’t cost me anything except my pride and surely one will turn up some time.  Besides, I don’t want to raise your expectations of excitement.  Baseball is a game of patience and one of the things that makes the games longer during the Playoffs is that the batters start doing what they should be doing all season- taking more pitches.

So don’t worry about answering your door for the Trick or Treaters, you probably won’t be missing anything important.

Oh, things you can watch while the Bushes are on camera, there are the Steelers @ the Who Dats and The Amazing Race, also-

Later-

I always figured it was talent made a man big, you know, if I was the best at something. I mean, we’re the guys they come to see. Without us, there ain’t a ballgame. Yeah, but look at who’s holding the money and look at who’s facing a jail cell. Talent don’t mean nothing. And where’s Comiskey and Sullivan, Attell, Rothstein? Out in the back room cutting up profits, that’s where. That’s the damn conspiracy.

Look, champ. I know guys like that. I grew up with them. I was the fat kid they wouldn’t let play. “Sit down, fat boy”. That’s what they’d say “Sit down, maybe you’ll learn something.” Well, I learned something alright. Pretty soon, I owned the game, and those guys I grew up with come to me with their hats in their hands. Tell me, champ, all those years of puggin’, how much money did you make?

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Oct 31 2010

Prime Time

All right people, we got 10 minutes ’till game time, let’s all gather ’round. I’m not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I’d just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we’d save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I’m for wasting sportswriters’ time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give ’em all a nice big shitburger to eat.

So you’re down 2 nothing in the World Series and you’re going home to get healthy.  There’s really nothing wrong with that, though you’ll want to win tonight because otherwise you’ll be up against it, one game away from elimination and all.

Therefore the Rangers play with some urgency while there’s very little pressure on the Giants.  They’re going back to San Francisco whatever happens and you can’t count on them being charitable and wanting to celebrate in their home locker room.

Now like most pundits I revel in my wrongness so after 11 – 7, 9 – 0 slug fests I am once again predicting a Pitchers’ Duel between Lewis and Sanchez even though they’re only the 3rd best on each staff and the Aces have already gotten lit up.  Who knows, if I am consistently spectacularly erroneous enough I’ll probably get a job at The Washington Post or The New York Times.

This is an early edition.  Since I’m all about alternative programming I’m extending the hours.

College Throwball, Michigan State @ Iowa or Missouri @ Nebraska and Ohio State @ Minnesota or Oregon @ USC, Florida @ Georgia.

Later-

SNL- Jon Hamm Rihanna.  GitS: SAC– Annihilation, Barrage (Episodes 24 and 25)

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Oct 30 2010

Prime Time

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown again?  Something is screwed up with ABC or Zap2it TV Listings.

Remember you only get the one crack at Keith and Rachel.  Friday Night Thurber.

I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding, even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… evil.

Later-

Dave hosts Michael J. Fox, Shaun White and Amar’e Stoudemire.  No Alton.  The Office (the good one).

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Oct 29 2010

Prime Time

Well, you know I… I never got to bat in the major leagues. I would have liked to have had that chance. Just once. To stare down a big league pitcher. To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink. Make him think you know something he doesn’t. That’s what I wish for. Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball. To run the bases – stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That’s my wish, Ray Kinsella. That’s my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?

Cain v. Wilson (CJ not Brian).

Later-

Dave hosts Will Ferrell, Slash and Kid Cudi.  Jon has no guest listed, Stephen Maira Kalman.  No Alton.  No Boondocks.

Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within… y-you came this close. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they’d consider it a tragedy.

Son, if I’d only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes… now that would have been a tragedy.

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Oct 28 2010

Prime Time

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never boring… which makes it like sex. There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I’d never sleep with a player hitting under .250… not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there’s a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I’ve got a ballplayer alone, I’ll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. ‘Course, a guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. ‘Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball – now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust. I’ve tried ’em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

You could watch something else, but why?

Later-

Dave hosts Dana Carvey.  Jon has Barack Obama, Stephen Apolo Anton Ohno.  No Alton.

Boondocks– The Block Is Hot.

Fox and Cablevision at last report have not resolved their dispute.  I must admit I don’t follow every pitch, but I do try and report developing scoring situations and their results.  Since this is likely to be a Pitchers’ Duel (the most boring kind of Baseball) there will probably be a lot of ‘inning reports’ (as in “nothing happened this inning”).  Lincecum and Lee may face each other up to 3 times this Series, but the Giant’s Ace-In-The-Hole is Brian Wilson who was the most successful multi-inning reliever both during the season and in the Playoffs.  I’m hard pressed to decide who I hate more, the Polo Grounds deserters or W‘s ex-team, but my smart money still goes on the Senior League because World Series are about pitching, not offense, and the Junior Leaguers’ offense is sabotaged by the pernicious ‘Designated Hitter’ rule that makes their pitchers an easy out anyway.

Giants in 6.

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Oct 27 2010

Prime Time

I’ve dropped Melissa & Joey because their treatment of illegal immigrants in the episode Seoul Man was just about the most offensive thing I’ve seen in a long while.  Melissa and her writers bought into almost every xenophobic, racist stereotype the Republicans are pushing and I have better uses for my time.

Later-

Dave hosts Taylor Swift and Seth Meyers.  Jon has Ted Kaufman, Stephen Garry Wills.  No Alton.

Boondocks– Riley Wuz Here.

I had a nice clean place to stay… I left it to come here.  Ah Hillsboro, a mixture of Moorish and Methodist.  It must have been designed by a Congressman.

A sad choice, my stomach or my spirit.  I’ll have a hotdog.

It is the duty of a newspaper to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

I do hateful things for which people love me, and I do loveable things for which they hate me. I’m admired for my detestability. Now don’t worry, little Eva. I may be rancid butter, but I’m on your side of the bread.

Oct 26 2010

Prime Time

Some premiers.

Well, I don’t have anything to say, you’ve done the best you could. You really have, the best you could. You can’t expect to win em all. But, I want to tell you something I’ve kept to myself through these years. I was in the war myself, medical corps. I was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He could barely talk. He looked at me and said, “The odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway, I’m glad the Captain made the right decision.” The pilot’s name was George Zip.

George Zip said that?

The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”

Later-

Dave hosts Charles Barkley, Gary Dell’Abate (why?), and Kings of Leon.  Jon has Austan Goolsbee (ugh), Stephen Nicholas Negroponte.  Double Alton, Molasses and Doughnuts.

Boondocks– Let’s Nab Oprah (a real insight into Riley, Wuncler Jr., and Rummy)

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