Tag: Bill Maher

When did the NYPD start suffering from PMS?

In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher tears into Kansas Governor Sam Brownbeck and the Republican “Zombie Lie” of trickle-down economics, as well as voters who allow themselves to be distracted by faux scandals.

Bill Maher ended his show tonight by going after the “nitwits” of the Open Carry movement and their belief that bringing a gun to a public place with “sane people’ who might freak out about seeing those guns is just a reasonable show of support for their Second Amendment rights.

Bill Maher’s new rules about GM recalling cars, new trilogy replacing Fifty Shades of Grey, 63 year old Michigan man arrested on child porn charges, fishing trophy that looks like a dick, dehydrated meat, and political correctness getting out of hand.

“What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he’s mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.”

“Hey, God, you know you’re kind of a dick when you’re in a movie with Russell Crowe and you’re the one with anger issues.”

“You know conservatives are always going on about how Americans are losing their values and their morality, well maybe it’s because you worship a guy who drowns babies.”

“If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.”

“I’m reminded as we’ve just started Lent, that conservatives are always complaining about too much restraining regulation and how they love freedom, but they’re the religious ones who voluntarily invent restrictions for themselves. On a hot summer day, Orthodox Jews wear black wool, on a cold winter night Mormons can’t drink a hot chocolate… isn’t life hard enough without making shit up out of thin air to fuck with yourself?”

And finally, New Rule: Someone must tell me what is with this new trend of people who have all the power acting like they’re the oppressed ones? Heterosexual Christians under siege from gays. White people complaining that reverse racists are trying to strip them of their right to shoot unarmed black men. And most bizarre, the recent wave of billionaires sobbing that they’re being demonized and under attack. And the thing is, it’s not just having all the money in the world that’s getting them down, it’s that the rest of us don’t often enough look at them and say, “You are the most brilliant industrious person on Earth. Can you teach us how to be more like you while we buff your cock with this fine Sham-Wow?”

You know, I used to think Hollywood egos were the neediest, but these Masters of the Universe? More like babies on a plane. Stock trader Steve Schwarzman – net worth $8 billion – once said that Obama raising his taxes 3% felt like when Hitler invaded Poland. Sounds like something Sarah Palin would tweet after huffing paint thinner. (audience laughter) But with the super-rich it’s becoming a meme. Now we have Tom Perkins – net worth $8 billion – saying the richest 1% are so persecuted in America, they feel like Jews in Nazi Germany. Which is why just to be safe, last week Tom built a panic room inside his mansion that’s a full-size replica of Anne Frank’s house.

h/t to Bruin Kid at Daily Kos for the transcript

November 22, 2013 – Dan Savage joined Bill Maher Friday night for a no-holds-barred talk about all the gay news happening in the world, and Savage was his usual unrestrained self, going off on the “dykes” in the Cheney family and saying he’s getting sick and tired of “kiddy-fucking Catholic priests” lecturing everyone else about morality and the welfare of young children.

Warning video contains offensive language that may not be suitable for the work place or young children.