Tag: ek Holiday

Ahoy mateys.  It be Cap’n Hank Bloodbeard hijacking your blog ag’in.  Since the establishin’ of International Talk Like a Pirate Day in 1995, the number of Pirates has increased gratifyin’ly thereby proving the success of our Pastafarian Pirate Recruitin’ Program and confirmin’ the link between increased piracy and declinin’ Global Warmin’.

But wait ye say, Global Warmin’ has gotten worse and Pastafarianism is a made up religion contrived out of equal measures of ennui, ignorance and Rum!

WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY RUM!  Oh, that’s why.

Ye scurvy dog, them be fightin’ wards.  Ye’ll walk the plank. I’ll keelhaul ye.  I’ll see your black hearted soul in Davey Jones Locker (the one ‘e shares w’ Peter Toth).

We used to worry about that too until we took up w’ a crew o’ Freshwater Pirates from the Chicago School who explained that it doesn’t matter how consistently and thoroughly wrong ye are if ye suck up to rich people enough and parrot their prejudices, beat down the po’ folk until morale improves, and kiss their ass long and hard.  Take what ye can, give nothin’ back, yo ho.

Polly want a grant?

E’en on these shores Cap’n Bloodbeard (aside from really enjoyin’ referin’ to hisself in the thard person) be known for ‘is trail of terror and carnage and really bad puns.

• 2007 DocuDharma

• 2008 DocuDharma
• 2008 Daily Kos

• 2010 The Stars Hollow Gazette

• 2011 DocuDharma
• 2011 The Stars Hollow Gazette

• 2012 DocuDharma
• 2012 The Stars Hollow Gazette

• 2013 DocuDharma
• 2013 The Stars Hollow Gazette

I generally celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day by telling the 3 Pirate Jokes.  There are only 3, all the others are just variations.  As Cap’n Slappy says:

Thar be only three pirate jokes in the world. The biggest one is the one that ends with someone usin’ “Arrr” in the punchline. Oh, sure, thar be plenty o’ these, but they’re all the same damn joke.

“What’s the pirate movie rated? – Arrr!” “What kind o’ socks does a pirate wear? – Arrrrgyle!” “What’s the problem with the way a pirate speaks? – Arrrrticulation!” …and so forth.

The second joke is the one wear the pirate walks into the bar with a ships wheel attached to the front o’ his trousers. The bartender asks, “What the hell is that ships wheel for?” The pirate says, “I don’t know, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

And finally. A little boy is trick or treatin’ on Halloween by himself. He is dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, “Where are your buccaneers?” The little boy responds, “On either side o’ me ‘buccan’ head!”

And there ye have it. A symposium on pirate humor that’ll last ye a lifetime – so long as life is violent and short.

If ye steer a course to the official website of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye may wish to read the FAQ, to help ye splice the mainbrace proper like.  Then ye’ll be ready to talk like a pirate.

Talking like a pirate, however, doesn’t just mean running through the hallways yelling “yarr!” at everyone. To get more in touch with one’s inner pirate, here is a short list of useful terms that may help readers throughout their day of pillaging and searching for buried treasure.

I also spend this day in Worship at Church and emulate the manners, customs, and language o’ me Pirate forbearers (I have the good fortune to be 1/4 full blooded Pirate through my Viking ancestors, indeed Viking is a verb which means ‘Pirate’) and singing some Pirate Carols.

There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

With the unsung verses and refrains.

Wait.  Full Stop.  Rewind.  Weren’t we just in favor of that?  To continue.

A Docuharma Tradition

Solidarity Forever

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

Well you could call it a Sprint because most of the usual suspects were involved less André Greipel who fell on a roundabout 3.5km from the finish and Marcel Kittel who dropped out of the leading group on the Monts du Lyonnais.  The commentators keep talking about how frustrated Peter Sagan must be without a stage win but seriously, how frustrated can you be when you’ve been wearing Green for so much of Le Tour and your point position is so dominant that you could practically walk to the Champs-Élysées and still win the class you’ve chosen to compete in and not some wienie also-ran honor like most stage victories or Youth rider?  As far as I’m concerned Sagan has run a near perfect multi-stage race to date, you don’t get a fancy Jersey just because you cross the line first on any given day.

Yesterday that rider was Alexander Kristoff who’s Katusha team was able to deliver in a way that Cannondale could not.

Three withdrawls since the rest day, Fabian Cancellaria, Andrew Talansky who gave us that gutty ride on Tuesday (turns out he has a respriatory infection too), and David De La Cruz Melgarejo who had a specatcular crash out and was sent to the hospital.  Flaming chunks of twisted metal I tells yah.

On the stage there was certainly a bunch with 60 riders finishing on the lead time.  The actual leaders were Alexander Kristoff, Peter Sagan, and Arnaud Demare.  In the General Classification Vincenzo Nibali, Riche Porte closest (2:23), and Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (2:47).  Romain Bardet (3:01), Thibaut Pinot (3:47), Tejay Van Garderen (3:56), and Jean-Christophe Péraud (3:57) round out those under 4 minutes behind.  Bauke Mollema (4:08), Jurgen Van Den Broeck (4:18), Jakob Fuglsang (4:31), and Michal Kwiatkowski (4:39) make up those under 5 minutes away.  Geraint Thomas (5:17) and Rui Alberto Costa (5:34) are less than 6 minutes back, Mikel Nieve Iturralde (6:03) and Pierre Rolland (6:47) 7.  Christopher Horner (7:33) and Laurens Ten Dam (7:42) under 8; Haimar Zubeldia Adirre (8:01), Leopold Konig (8:25), and Tony Gallopin (8:57) under 9; Cyril Gautier (9:12) under 10 minutes.

Why so deep (21 riders) into the GC ek?  It’s the Alps and 10 minutes is not so far behind.

For the Green Jersey, same as it ever was.  Peter Sagan has a commanding lead (341), Bryan Coquard (191), Alexander Kristoff (172), Marcel Kittel (167), Mark Renshaw (118), André Greipel (117), Greg Van Avermaet (100), Vincenzo Nibali (95), Tony Gallopin (87), and Samuel Dumolin (80).  In the Climbing competition Joaquim Rodriguez (51), Thomas Voeckler (34), Tony Martin (26), Vincenzo Nibali (20), Alessandro De Marchi (18), Blel Kadri (17) and Thibaut Pinaut (16).  Everyone else is at least 4 points behind.  Between the Teams it is AG2R, Astana (3:19), Belkin (4:25), and Sky (4:56).  Everyone else is over 21 minutes behind.  In Youth competition it is Romain Bardet, Thibaut Pinot (:46), and Michal Kwiatkowski (1:38).  Tom Dumoulin is 14:16 back, Peter Sagan (your prohibitive Points leader) is 38:07 behind.  Everybody else is about an hour or more off the pace.

And we come to the big hills.  123 miles, only 3 climbs.  We start off with a gentle Category 3, 90 km of  bumps and flats, mostly descending, then a Category 1, Sprint Checkpoint after the descent, and an uphill finish to a Beyond Category at Chamrousse.

Once again, looks are deceiving.  Overall Col de Palaquit is rated at 6.1% but it has 3 sections at 10% gradient or better.  Likewise Montée de Chamrousse which has 2 sections at 10%+ but is very long, though it levels off to a mere (mere?  Merde!) 3.1% at the top.

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

Yesterday all the action took place at the back of the race as Andrew Talansky (team leader of Garmin from the USA), the very last rider, struggled against back injuries caused by 2 crashes, one in Nancy and one on the Gérardmer descent Saturday, to avoid the broom car, so called because it picks up riders unable to continue, and time disqualification, on this day 37 minutes from the stage winner, Tony Gallopin.

After a a solid 4 minutes on the side of the road talking with the team manager and unkinking his back, he remounted and struggled to the finish a mere 32:05 behind.  It was, as the French say, an outstanding example of cran, guts, and whether he starts today or not he did not quit and that is a quality so admired that about half the (French) TV coverage was devoted to his effort and they stayed with it long past the normal post stage wrap up.

Otherwise it was a breakaway day with a pack of about 36 riders including most of the top contenders slipping away into the hills at the end and Tony Gallopin, the maillot jaune on La Fête Nationale, capturing the finishing sprint for the stage victory.

So the the results for Stage 11 look something like this.  On the stage it was Tony Gallopin with John Degenkolb in 2nd and Matteo Trentin in 3rd.  In all 35 riders scored the lead time including most of the usual suspects, an additional 10 riders were within a minute of the lead.  Nothing much changed in the General Classification with Vincenzo Nibali leading, Riche Porte closest (2:23), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (2:47), Romain Bardet (3:01), Tony Gallopin (3:12), Thibaut Pinot (3:47), Tejay Van Garderen (3:56), and Jean-Christophe Péraud (3:57).  Bauke Mollema (4:08) leads a group of 4 riders at under 5 minutes behind, Gerant Thomas 2 at under 6, and Mikel Nieve Iturralde 2 at under 7.  Everyone else is farther back than that.  In Points Peter Sagan has a commanding lead (301), Bryan Coquard (164), Marcel Kittel (157), Alexander Kristoff (127), André Greipel (111), Mark Renshaw (110), Greg Van Avermaet (100), Vincenzo Nibali (95), and Tony Gallopin (87).  Everyone else is over 11 points behind.  In the Climbing contest Joaquim Rodriguez (51), Thomas Voeckler (34), Tony Martin (26), Vincenzo Nibali (20), Alessandro De Marchi (18), Blel Kadri (17) and Thibaut Pinaut (16).  Everyone else is at least 4 points behind.  In Team competition it is AG2R, Astana (3:19), Belkin (4:25), and Sky (4:56).  Everyone else is ove 21 minutes behind.  For the Youth contest it is Romain Bardet, Thibaut Pinot (:46), and Michal Kwiatkowski (1:38).  Tom Dumoulin is 12:42 back, Peter Sagan (your prohibitive Points leader) is 38:07 behind.  Everybody else is about an hour or more off the pace.

I hesitate to stick a fork in it with both the Alps and the Pyrenees to come, but with over 50% of Le Tour complete were I a betting man I’d start putting my money on stage wins, place, and show.  It’s starting to look very America’s Cup/Formula One.

Today’s stage is about 115 and a quarter miles and is another one of those ‘hilly’ sections that encourages breakaways instead of bunch sprints.  The Sprint Checkpoint is early (40 km) and uphill after a little dip and there are 2 Category 4s and 2 Category 3s with the finish on the flat after a descent.

Now tomorrow there are only 2 climbs, but we are in the Alps for sure.  One is Category 1 and the other is Beyond Category.  Things could still change so stay tuned.

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

So 2 of the 3 favorites are out.  Alberto Contador broke is leg in a crash on the Col du Platzerwasel 5 days after Chris Froome was forced to withdraw with a broken wrist and without question this makes Vincenzo Nibali who won the stage the prohibitive favorite to win it all.  Not that strange things can’t happen, that’s why they race.  His chief competitors now are Richie Porte (2:23) who has taken over as leader of the Sky team and Alejandro Valverde (2:47).  What brought down Contador?

Speaking with Agence France-Presse, he said he had taken his hands off the handlebars to reach for an energy bar in his back pocket when his front wheel hit a pothole. Along Monday’s route, there were several small potholes and larger sinkholes on a number of descents. Most were ineffectually marked with orange spray paint that all but faded away in the fog and the on-and-off rain.

But everybody knows that, the surprise this morning is that Fabian Cancellara is out too so he can prepare for the World Championships, leaving Trek with just 6 riders.

That makes 19 drops-

Stage 10

• HAYMAN Mathew, Orica
• KING Edward, Cannondale
• CONTADOR Alberto, Tinkoff

Stage 9

• GARCIA ECHEGUIBEL Egoitz, Cofidis

Stage 8

• FRANK Mathias, IAM
• DE CLERCQ Bart, Lotto

Stage 7

• VAN POPPEL Danny, Trek
• ATAPUMA John Darwin, BMC
• CLEMENT Stef, Belkin

Stage 6

• RICHEZE Ariel Maximiliano, Lamprey
• HERNANDEZ BLAZQUEZ Jesus Alberto, Tinkoff
• SILIN Egor, Katusha
• ZANDIO ECHAIDE Xabier, Sky

Stage 5

• FROOME Christopher, Sky

Stage 4

• SCHLECK Andy, Trek
• HENDERSON Gregory, Lotto

Stage 2

• MODOLO Sacha, Lamprey
• CAVENDISH Mark, Omega Pharma

The results from the 10th Stage look like this, Vincenzo Nibali, Thibault Pinot (:15), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte and Jean-Christophe Péraud (:20), Romain Bardet and Tejay Van Garderen (:22), Riche Porte (:25), Leopold Konig (:50), Joaquim Rodriguez (:52), and Mikel Nieve Iturralde (:54).  Twelve more riders finished within 2 minutes and an additional 3 under 3.  Leaders of the General Classification are Vincenzo Nibali, Riche Porte (2:23), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (2:47), Romain Bardet (3:01), Tony Gallopin (3:12), Thibaut Pinot (3:47), Tejay Van Garderen (3:56), Jean-Christophe Péraud (3:57), Rui Alberto Costa (3:58), Bauke Mollema (4:08), Jurgen Van Den Broeck (4:18), Jakob Fuglsang (4:31), and Michal Kwiatkowski (4:39).  Ten other riders are under 10 minutes behind.  In Points competition Peter Sagan at 287 is waay ahead of the field.  His closest competitors are Bryan Coquard (156), Marcel Kittel (146), Alexander Kristoff (117), Mark Renshaw (101), André Greipel (98), Vincenzo Nibali (95), and Greg Van Avermaet (87).  Everyone else is over 11 points behind.  In the Climbing contest it is Joaquim Rodriguez (51), Thomas Voeckler (34), Tony Martin (25), Vincenzo Nibali (20), Blel Kadri and Alessandro De Marchi (17), and Thibaut Pinaut (16).  Everyone else is at least 4 points behind.  Team times look like this, AG2R, Astana (3:19), Belkin (4:25), and Sky (4:56).  Everyone else is over 20 minutes behind.  In Youth competition it is Romain Bardet, Thibaut Pinot (:46), and Michal Kwiatkowski (1:38).  Everyone else is over 12 minutes behind.

To call today’s 116.5 mile stage, Besançon / Oyonnax, hilly is only by comparison.  There are plenty of bumps and 4 rated climbs, 3 Category 3 and 1 Category 4.

The Sprint Checkpoint is after the first big bump but after a rest day and a flat run up you may see the sprinters try to contest except for Peter Sagan’s overwhelming lead in points.  The finish is down hill after a descent so you will probably see some tight racing, but I doubt it will be a bunch sprint.  Tomorrow is another hilly day and then we hit the Alps where there won’t be many climbs, but they will be very steep indeed.

(an annual tradition)

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

The 9th Stage of Le Tour was defined by a breakaway.  Tony Martin was part of a 20 rider group that seperated from the peloton about 20 km in while descending the Col de la Schlucht, the first climb.  They broke away decisively ascending Le Markstein (5th on the stage, first of 17 Category 1 or beyond classification climbs) in decidedly damp conditions.   Now Martin is best known as a Time Trialer and on the flats after the last descent (of 6) he drove away from the lead group finishing 2:45 ahead.  The main contenders in the General Classification were content to stick with the peloton and finished 7:46 behind.  That extra 5:01 was enough to remove the maillot jaune from Vincenzo Nibali’s shoulders and put it on Tony Gallopin’s (he was part of the breakaway group).  So we have a Frenchman in the lead on La Fête Nationale for only the second time in a decade (the last was Thomas Voeckler).

On the stage it was Tony Martin with Fabian Cancellara and Greg Van Avermaet leading a group of 18 riders 2:45 behind.  In front of the General Classification is Tony Gallopin, Vincenzo Nibali (1:34), Tiago Machado (2:40), Jakob Fuglsang (3:18), Riche Porte (3:32), Michal Kwiatkowski (4:00), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (4:01), Pierre Rolland (4:07), Alberto Contador (4:08), Romain Bardet (4:13), Rui Alberto Costa (4:46), Bauke Mollema and Jurgen Van Den Broeck (tied at 4:36), and Cyril Gautier (4:44).  Everyone else is over 5 minutes behind.  In the Points competition it is Peter Sagan (267), Bryan Coquard (156), Marcel Kittel (146), Alexander Kristoff (117), Mark Renshaw (101), and André Greipel (98).  Everyone else is over 11 points behind.  In the Climbing contest the leaders are Tony Martin (18), Blel Kadri and Alessandro De Marchi (tied at 17), Nicolas Edet (12), and Joaquim Rodriguez (11).  Everyone else is at least 3 points behind.  Team competition has tightened up considerably- Astana, Belkin (:22), AG2R (:53), Sky (5:31), and Omega Pharma (9:31).  Everyone else is over 10 minutes behind.  Among Youth the leaders are Michal Kwiatkowski, Romain Bardet (:13), Thibaut Pinot (1:06), and Tom Domoulin (4:08).  Everyone else is over 16 minutes behind.  There was one withdrawl- Egoitz Garcia Echeguibel.

Today’s 100 mile+ stage, Mulhouse / La Planche des Belles Filles, is Mountains for sure with 7 categorized climbs- 4 Category 1, 2 Category 2, and a Category 3.

Col des Chevrères is even tougher than its rating since about half of it is an 18% grade.  La Planche des Belles Filles is no picnic either with quite a bit @ 11% and the uphill finish @ 20%.  The Sprint Checkpoint is quite early which is a good idea since it’s doubtful we’ll have many sprinters around at the line.

Astana (Nibali’s team) is discounting yesterday’s finish as a choice to prepare for today.  Contador is not saying much of anything.  In any event the riders will be looking forward to their rest day Tuesday, as will I.

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

Certainly for Stage 8 you can pretty much forget anything that came before the climbing though Simon Yates had a big breakaway and maintained it almost through the first climb, Col de la Croix des Moinats, when Blel Kadri and Sébastien Chavanel started the charge of the mountaineers with a breakaway of their own.  At this point conditions were pretty miserable and it didn’t really stop raining for the rest of the stage.  Speaking of the Mountain men it was the day Alberto Contador started to make his move and I would have expected something more decisive than a 2nd place finish a mere 3 seconds ahead of Vincenzo Nibali in 3rd.  Another interesting story is Sky’s Richie Porte.  Second to team Leader Chris Froome who is now of course out, he had a really good ride, finishing 4th on the stage and is now in 3rd place in the General Classification 29 seconds ahead of Contador.

Andrew Talansky crashed again, this time after tangling with Sky’s Geraint Thomas (along with Yates the only 2 British riders left).  Mathias Frank of IAM did not start and Bart De Clercq of Lotto did not finish.

As always the first day in the Mountains shakes things up a bit.  On the stage it was Blel Kadri for the first French win, Alberto Contador (2:17), Vincenzo Nibali (2:20), Riche Porte (2:24), Thibaut Pinot tied with Jean-Christophe Peraud (2:28), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (2:36), Tejay Van Garderen (2:40), Romain Bardet (2:48), Sylvain Chavanel (2:54), and Bauke Mollema (2:55).  There were 16 riders between 3 and 4 minutes behind.  In the General Classification it is Vincenzo Nibali, Jakob Fuglsang (1:44), Riche Porte (1:58), Michal Kwiatkowski (2:26), Alejandro Valverde BelMonte (2:27), Alberto Contador (2:34), Romain Bardet (2:39), Rui Alberto Costa (2:52).  There are 7 other riders less than 4 minutes behind.  In the Point competition Peter Sagan (267), Bryan Coquard (156), Marcel Kittel (146), Alexander Kristoff (117), Mark Renshaw (101), and André Greipel (98).  The next nearest (Vincenzo Nibali) is 23 points behind.  In the Climber contest it is Blel Kadri (17), Cyril Lemoine and Sylvain Chavanel (6), Simon Yates (5).  For the Teams it stands at Astana, Belkin (5:23), and Sky (5:31).  Everyone else is over 10 minutes out.  The Youth competition is Michal Kwiatkowski, Romain Bardet (:13), and Thibaut Pinot (1:06).  Everyone else is over 9 minutes behind.

Today is Mountains for real, about 106 miles of them.

The Sprint Checkpoint is after the 2 Category 2s and 2 Category 3s and is uphill on a Category 1.  Pretty tough sprint if you ask me.  They finish flat after a descent so there might be some opportunity there for speed if a rider has kept up to that point.  On La Fête Nationale tomorrow they spend their last day in the Vosges and Tuesday is a rest day.

Le.  Tour.  De.  France.

Flaming chunks of twisted metal!  You could hardly ask for better weather or roads than you got in Stage 7 and still you had massive, race altering crashes.  So much for your theories about cobbles, or rain, or ‘selfies’.

‘Selfies’! even my activist brother who admits he can’t watch 15 minutes of Le Tour without falling into a coma of boredom repeated that laughable excuse.  Folks, spectators have been crowding the road and even dashing into the middle of the course to take pictures since the invention of the camera, which is to say basically forever.  I wonder what the tough guys of the first Tour would have to say about these whiny ass pretty boys when they rode cobbles almost every day and had to deal with flash powder explosions?

Stef Clement, Belkin captain, withdrew after a crash at km 40 (dead flat and dry), but then again he wasn’t expected to even start.  Mathias Frank withdrew early in the stage and Danny van Poppel at km 120 leaving Simon Yates, who scored the Climbing point for Côte de Maron, the youngest rider left at 22 years old.  Shortly after Tejay van Garderen who fancied himself a contender in the General Classification at (2:11) was involved in a crash and ended up losing 1:03 on the day and taking out his team mate Darwin Atapuma.  

In the last km there was another crash when Andrew Talansky went down during the final sprint and it looked like Peter Sagan would get his first stage win only to be aced out by Matteo Trentin in a photo finish.

On the stage it was Trentin and Sagan followed by 25 other riders who scored the same time as the leaders.  In the General Classification it is still Vincenzo Nibali followed by Jakob Fugslsang (:02), Peter Sagan (:44), Michal Kwiatkowski (:50).  Three more riders are under 2 minutes back, Tony Gallopin, Riche Porte, and Andrew Talansky and only 10 more under 3 minutes including Alberto Contador (2:37).  In Points competition the leader is Peter Sagan (259), Brian Coquard (146), Marcel Kittel (137), Alexander Kristoff (117), Mark Renshaw (85), and André Greipel (91); the next rider is 31 points behind.  In the Climber contest another static day, Cyril Lmoine (6), Blel Kadri (5), Jens Voigt and Nicolas Edet tied at 4.  Among the Teams it’s Astana, Belkin (4:18), Sky (6:31), BMC (7:08), and Trek (8:25).  Everyone else is over 10 minutes behind.  In Youth competition nothing changed, Peter Sagan, Michal Kwiatkowski (:06), Roman Bardet (1:27), Tom Dumoulin (1:41), and Thibaut Pinot (2:40).  Everyone else is over 11 minutes out.

Today’s stage is almost exactly 100 miles.  It starts out fairly flat though constantly ascending and the Sprint Checkpoint is at exactly 100 km.  After that the day goes up hill for the pure sprinters as we finish with 2 Category 2 climbs, Col de la Croix des Moinats and Col de Grosse Pierre, and in a Category 3 climb to the line in Gérardmer La Mauselaine.  This is the start of 6 more days in the Vosges which while not as tall as the Alps or Pyrenees are pretty steep and narrow.  We shall see in the standings start to change.

Coverage will be on NBC proper, not Vs. (or NBC Sports as it is now known) at 8 am ET.  Your usual schedule of constant repeats will be interupted by IndyCar racing and Outdoor shows though they will do the customary noon and 8 pm.