TGIF

42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record

The Onion

November 26, 2012

Survivors of the deadly holiday sales event said that while the weekend began as a chance to “get in on some unbeatable post-Thanksgiving deals,” it quickly escalated into a merciless, no-hold-barred fight to the death.

“At some point in time we all stopped caring about the deals and the holiday shopping and were pretty much just out for blood,” said Dana Marshall, 37, a Target shopper who suffered seven broken ribs and a cracked sternum while fighting two other customers for a discounted Nikon digital camera. “I remember just sitting on top of a woman and smacking her head with a DVD player until her face was completely unrecognizable. I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

The Onion will continue to publish a running list of the Black Friday dead throughout the week.

Ha ha ha.  You are so funny ek.

I am put in mind of a question- you see someone slip on a banana peel and tumble down a flight of stairs doing the most hilarious prat falls you can imagine.  When they land at the bottom they stop in a motionless heap.  You go over to check and find them dead.

Question: When did that stop being funny?

Answer: It never stopped being funny.

Alleged Walmart thief dies after confrontation

WSBTV

Monday, Nov. 26, 2012

According to a police report obtained by Channel 2 Action News, the incident happened at the Walmart on Fairington Road in Lithonia. The police report said that about 1:30 a.m. Sunday, a middle aged man was caught shoplifting two DVD players.

He exited the front door of the store and three employees caught him in the parking lot, where a physical altercation took place while they detained him.

…

The police report said one of those Walmart employees had placed the man in a choke hold, but the cause and manner of death will be determined by a medical examiner.

(h/t Chris in Paris @ Americablog)

Sales at Nation’s Retailers Fell Short of Expectations in November

By STEPHANIE CLIFFORD, The New York Times

Published: November 29, 2012

“The traditional post-Black Friday lull, normally starting the following week, started on … Black Friday,” Mr. Johnson wrote in an e-mail. Activity in shopping malls slowed down starting about noon that Friday, he said, “right about the time the early bird specials expired, and long after the Thanksgiving evening doorbuster items were all sold out – leaving financially stressed consumers with little reason to shop” so many weeks away from Christmas.

Over all, the 16 retailers tracked by Thomson Reuters that reported results Thursday recorded a 1.6 percent increase in sales at stores that were open at least a year. Analysts had expected a 3.3 percent jump.

…

Some shoppers said the deals this year were not good enough to get them to buy. “We looked through the ads and didn’t see anything we really wanted,” said Lisa Apple, 46, who was shopping in Columbus, Ohio, on Black Friday. “The good deals were on TVs, but how many TVs do you need?”

Another shopper, Laura Schimpf, 32, who lives in Delaware, Ohio, and works for the state’s government, agreed. “The deals don’t seem too good. We really had to hunt for good ones. I’ve been looking online for three weeks,” she said.

Retailers report weak sales gains for November, hurt by Superstorm Sandy early in the month

By Associated Press

Nov 29, 2012 09:17 PM EST

Meanwhile, department store chains Macy’s and Nordstrom Inc. reported their first monthly sales drops since late 2009 when the U.S. economy was just coming out of the Great Recession.

Nordstrom recorded a 1.1 percent decline in November, blaming the weakness not only on Sandy but also on tepid customer response to its semi-annual sales in the first half of the month. Nordstrom also said customers continue to prefer fashion and newness over bargains, which has made its clearance sales less enticing. The November figure was Nodstrom’s first monthly decline since September 2009 when it had a 2.4 percent drop.

Macy’s revenue at stores open at least a year fell 0.7 percent in November, compared with the 1.5 percent increase analysts expected. It was Macy’s first monthly sales drop since November 2009 when it recorded a 6.1 percent decline.

…

Perhaps most surprisingly, Target reported that revenue at stores opened at least a year fell 1 percent, well below the 2.1 percent increase that Wall Street was anticipating.

…

Analysts were puzzled by Target’s disappointing sales performance in November. Earlier this month, the no. 2 discounter behind Wal-Mart had issued a profit outlook for the holiday quarter that beat analysts’ estimates. The chain also opened its doors at 9 p.m. on Thanksgiving, three hours earlier than a year ago.

Given the tough spending climate, Brian Sozzi, chief equities analyst at NBG Productions, said: “Not everyone is going to win.”

Retailers’ Thanksgiving Deals Cut Black Friday Sales

By Sapna Maheshwari & Matt Townsend, Bloomberg News

Nov 25, 2012 1:41 PM ET

Karen Carlow, a 57-year-old from Coventry, Rhode Island, said the damage caused by superstorm Sandy made her “think more about what other people lost.” Carlow said in an interview at the Crystal Mall in Waterford, Connecticut, that she was less willing to make extravagant purchases this year.

Others are spending carefully as the unemployment rate, while down from almost 9 percent a year ago, remains above 7 percent. Deb Bettini, 56, plans to spend about $300 on holiday gifts, about the same as last year and mostly in the form of gift cards to retailers such as Lowe’s Cos. and Panera Bread Co., she said said yesterday after spending $27.04 on pajamas and socks at a Roses discount store in Reidsville, North Carolina.

“There is a lot of belt-tightening by companies going on and people are still losing their jobs,” said Bettini, who with her husband, Randy, raises grapes, mushrooms and vegetables on a family farm. They also plan to give gift baskets with homemade cider. “People are trying to get by the best way they can.”

Ho, ho, ho.  Merry ek’smas.