Formula One 2015: Albert Park

Let me explain.  …

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

So I have chewed through 156 stories about Formula One all published in the last 6 weeks covering the two winter testing periods and this week of practice before the first race.  You can see them below if you want to poke around.  There are also 2 videos from The Guardian about the personnel and rule changes.  I’ve also watched 5 hours of Practice and Qualifying so I could get the Vs. TV crew take on things.

THAT… is a lot.

We’ll get more into things as the season forges ahead, but to sum up-

We won’t be seeing Fernando Alonso until Malaysia.  His McLaren caught a cross wind in Barcelona during the second Winter testing session and he ended up in the wall and suffered an extremely bad concussion.  How bad?  Well, they’re denying it of course but there are reliable reports that he thought he was a 17 year old Karter who wanted to be in Formula One someday instead of a 34 year old Champion who is arguably the best person in the world at driving bricks.

Speaking of bricks, the Honda engine (if you can call it that) is a terrible piece of crap they can barely keep on the track.  Check out these lap figures from the Winter tests-

Testing Laps

We also know that Ferrari has finally put together an engine that’s better than the Renault.  Of course that’s not saying much.  Red Bull and Toro Rossa are the Renault ‘Works’ teams and the only ones running their slightly less than the most terrible piece of crap and relations between Renault and Red Bull have gotten so bad that Red Bull is offering to buy Renault out and take over engine development themselves (there must be a pot of money in energy drinks, they sure spend enough).  During Practice 3 they had to push one of them back to the pit after replacing the power plant that morning.

Everyone else except for Sauber is running Mercedes and no wonder.

Ah, Sauber.  Seems that they have sold their two seats three times.  Van der Garde has taken them to court on that and won on every level.  As of P2 they were under Court Order to race him or the Victoria Supreme Court would impound their assets and send the team owner to jail for contempt.  Van der Garde relented on Qualifying Day and will sit this one out, but it’s not over by a long shot.

Which would have left us with 16 cars (remember, Bernie has to put 14 on the grid or the Tracks start taking money out of his wallet and he hates that.

“But ek,” you say “aren’t there 10 teams with 2 cars each?”

Let me tell you the sad strange tale of Manor Marussia.  As you’ll note below Marussia was questionable at best for this season, what is not made clear by the contemporary articles that Wikipedia explains is that Manor Motorsports is the original founder of the team and has elected to rescue it.  Since this deal was sealed about 2 weeks ago and Marussia was liquidated to the garage walls (they sold the laptops man!) they don’t have a car yet, but they do have a 3 race pass to get one up and running.  Expect that to be extended if necessary because Ecclestone is hanging on by his teeth.  Anyway they are Sir Not Appearing in this Film.

“How bad is it?”

Well, you’ll hear people say that 20 races are scheduled this year including the restoration of the Mexican Grand Prix.  What they won’t tell you (until it gets actually saved or officially dropped) is that the German Grand Prix (at the Nürburgring) is only a 50% proposition according to Niki Lauda.

Rule Changes

You are only allowed 4 engines for the entire season.  This is incredibly stupid and doesn’t even save any money for the backmarker teams which is what it’s ‘designed’ to do because it’s an anti-competitive barrier to development.  Expect many teams (especially McLaren) to blow through their allotment in a flash.  Formula One, to mitigate this has divided the “power plant” into 5 sections and instituted a complicated system of “development” tokens you can use to fix your broken bits by “improving” them.

If your Qualifying position is insufficient to sustain your grid penalty you can be subjected to multiple ‘stop & go’ penalties to supplement and a new, sterner 10 second ‘stop & go’ has been introduced.

Formula One is cracking down on the uniform rules in terms of helmet painting but the fines are so paltry that most drives have already given them the bird.

Because of the Bianchi crash the cockpit walls are higher and there is a ‘virtual’ safety car to regulate dangerous sections of track before a real safety car can gather up the field.

Speaking of Bianchi, he’s still in a coma which he has been since October 5th 2014.

Driver Changes

Blah, blah, blah Vettel.  He’s a total asshole who’s only talent is getting out in front and staying there.  Last year he showed his ability on inferior hardware with Red Bull and while Ferrari is surprisingly competitive I expect Räikkönen to thump his ass unless team orders forbid it.  Daniil Kvyat is joining the surprisingly good Ricciardo (how come he had wins last year Vettel and you didn’t?  Well?).  His replacement on Torro Rosso, Verstappen, seems to be the real deal despite being so young that Formula One has just instituted a new rule that would not only have banned him, but Alonso, Vettel, and Hamilton too (way to go guys).  Massa and Button still have rides which is good because they deserve them.

Predictions

No one can touch Mercedes which suits me just fine.  Ferrari seems to have finally stopped putting any kind of brick they felt like on track and decided to race.  Williams shows spunk on a limited budget and could contend (not for the top spots mind you, that’s all Mercedes, but they could eek a second), Red Bull is in a downward spiral because of Renault and they resent it bitterly (did I mention getting pushed back to the garage?).

In the middle Force India is the historic class but they are hobbled by strife and mis-management, Lotus is looking good with their new Mercedes power, Toro Rosso is a collective 34 years old but show talent and could surprise.

At the bottom Sauber is a soap opera, McLaren a mess, and Manor Marussia a cruel joke of an unfeeling universe.

We’ll be using Mediums and Softs today.  Coverage starts at midnight on Vs. (or NBC Sports if you prefer) with race time at 1 am since Australia, Malaysia, China, Japan, and Russia have been moved forward an hour so the 4 hour race time window will surely take place before sunset.

Pump up the volume-

Umm… more when I get to it.