Apr 29 2016

The Daily Late Nightly Show (Art Is One of Life’s Richest Offerings.)

“Go on from there.”

Mr. Mainstream

Not Gilligan’s Island

Stephen’s last guests this week are-

Yawn Royal Pains? I haven’t given a damn about the Hamptons since I was forced to read The Great Gatsby in school. You know why teachers assign it? It has an undeserved reputation and is very short for a novel so you have a reasonable expectation that at least a minority of your class will actually read it and can have a discussion, it’s like Old Man and the Sea that way.

You want a real book? Try Miss Lonelyhearts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts–

I am sixteen years old now and I dont know what to do and would appreciate it if you could tell me what to do. When I was a little girl it was not so bad because I got used to the kids on the block makeing fun of me, but now I would like to have boy friends like the other girls and go out on Saturday nites, but no boy will take me because I was born without a nose–although I am a good dancer and have a nice shape and my father buys me pretty clothes.

I sit and look at myself all day and cry. I have a big hole in the middle of my face that scares people even myself so I cant blame the boys for not wanting to take me out. My mother loves me, but she crys terrible when she looks at me.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible bad fate? Even if I did do some bad things I didnt do any before I was a year old and I was born this way. I asked Papa and he says he doesnt know, but that maybe I did something in the other world before I was born or that maybe I was being punished for his sins. I dont believe that because he is a very nice man. Ought I commit suicide?

Sincerely yours,

Desperate

Now, tell me what’s troubling you.

14 comments

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    • on 04/29/2016 at 22:56
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    Vent Hole

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:37
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    Bananas Stephen!

    Get a dictionary.

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:38
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    And Gwen knows much more about them than you.

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:41
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    Dogs hate you.

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:41
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    Good thing it wasn’t a song about bologna.

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:43
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    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:44
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    Wheel Of News

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:47
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    No Toy in Cracker Jacks!

    • on 04/29/2016 at 23:48
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    Kelly’s co-host

    • on 04/30/2016 at 00:22
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    Friday Night Fights

    • on 04/30/2016 at 00:23
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    Gandalf and Optimus Prime.

    Stephen lost.

    • on 04/30/2016 at 00:24
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    Jessica Williams

    • on 04/30/2016 at 00:25
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    Morton Salt Girl v. Captain Crunch

    • on 04/30/2016 at 00:26
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    Jessica, you’re wrong. Morton Salt Girl, hands down.

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