Can you pick The Onion without hovering your mouse over the links?
Not much of a challenge really, but if you just looked at the headlines you’d have an easy 50 / 50 shot at being wrong.
Pair Of 26-Year-Olds Hit It Off After Learning They Have Student Loans From Same Bank
DENVER—Smiling at one another and joking about the fateful coincidence at they sat together at the Irish Lion Pub, local 26-year-old Nick Latham told reporters Friday he couldn’t believe he and the woman he had just met, Sara Reilly, also 26, owed tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt to the same bank.
“We hit it off as soon as she walked over to the bar and started chatting, but she mentioned she was on a strict budget when I suggested getting another drink, and we just put it together from there,” said Latham, who noted with excitement that they even said the words “6.25 percent fixed interest rate” in perfect unison.
“Not only that, but our loans are within four figures of each other, too. Sara and I will both be paying off this debt till we’re 53 years old! Tell me that’s not some sort of crazy coincidence!”
At press time, a smitten Latham was asking Reilly if she wanted to leave the bar with him, since neither of them could afford non-happy-hour prices.
Ninja Caught On Camera Stealing Katana Sword
Police in Anchorage, Alaska, are asking for help in finding … a ninja?
A person dressed head-to-toe in ninja gear broke into Bosco’s, a comic book store, on Friday after it was closed, according to UPI.com. The intruder slinked around the place before stealing a katana sword, a key part in any aspiring ninja’s arsenal.
The break-in was caught on surveillance camera, but the ninja is still at large, according to staff member Eric Helmick. Helmick told local station KTVA that he and other employees are still checking inventory. “The sword was the only thing we could make out well enough on the video to say for sure” was stolen, he told the station. The business released a surveillance video in hopes someone will recognize the ninja.
The thief may have gotten away with the crime for now, but he may have proven himself to be a very bad ninja, since ninjas, by definition, aren’t supposed to be seen. Others griped about the ninja’s skills at KTVA’s Facebook page:
Anyone who might know this ninja is asked to contact Anchorage police at 907-786-8900. …
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