Why I Hate Facebook

You know, the nastiness and name calling don’t bother me so much. I came up through dK and I had already learned 2 important lessons-

You are not your avatar, no matter how many hours you’ve invested (learned that one at Boston University where a pitiless Dungeon Master killed my favorite PC dead dead, no resurrection or saving throw).

I really don’t care what people think about me, or my art. If it doesn’t amuse me then it’s just work and while you may experience a mild satisfaction at a task (like cleaning up dog sick) executed perfectly and on schedule, you never feel the ephemeral joy you get creating something new and brilliant. Of course 30 seconds later you decide it’s a horrible piece of crap you can’t stand and reach for a fresh sheet of paper but, 30 seconds…

So it’s not your usual complaint about how Internet people are rude.

No, first and foremost is that they’re unbelievably intrusive. I really don’t think it’s relevant who my second grade teacher was and I sure as heck don’t want to share that with someone who wants to sell me catheters (yeah, they can reverse engineer about how old you are from a stinky little clue like that).

This is why I have adopted a fictional life and lie shamelessly about it all the time (was it Boston University or Boston College? Maybe it was a dinky little land grant in a flat state.). I’m not trying to get elected or sit on the Supreme Court, so what’s the big deal? If I can’t stop the ads at least I can confuse them a little.

The other thing I hate most about Facebook is that it takes all the most annoying parts of social interaction, remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries, details of the minutia of the lives of people whom you are never going to meet (do I really need to know the sign of your dentist’s receptionist?), and indeed the very decision of whether you are “friends” and if that means creepy stalking behavior such as reading every post and comment is mitigated by “liking” them so you’ll know I’m trolling you, and shoves it right up your nose and makes even reading an emotionally fraught minefield of ‘did I do/say the right thing so you think I care?’

I mean I do sometimes but I’ve known too many black holes of attention who thought they commanded my every waking moment. My real friends I don’t see for 20, 30 years but then it’s like yesterday, we’ll even pick up mid conversation- “Hey, how did that BMW thing go?” “It was fun but wicked expensive so I sold it and picked up a Civic. I’m on my 3rd. Great car.”

And no, I’m not really interested in your kids and pets.

For me Facebook is an enormous time suck of no benefit or purpose but some people feel differently. They think it’s evil.