Jul 31 2020

Mike Fink

The King of the Keelboaters was a real, live jive, Legend of the United States Western Frontier (well, if you consider Ohio the Western Frontier) like Daniel Boone and Dan Morgan, not some fictionalized Paul Bunyan or Pecos Bill.

Consider that the next time you dismiss some completely true story as a mere Conspiracy Theory.

I’m a Salt River Roarer! I’m a ring-tailed squealer! I’m a reg’lar screamer from the ol’ Massassip’! WHOOP! I’m the very infant that refused his milk before its eyes were open, and called out for a bottle of old Rye! I love the women an’ I’m chockful o’ fight! I’m half wild horse and half cockeyed-alligator and the rest o’ me is crooked snags an’ red hot snappin’ turtle. I can hit like fourth-proof lightnin’ an’ every lick I make in the woods lets in an acre o’ sunshine. I can out-run, out-jump, out-shoot, out-brag, out-drink, an’ out fight, rough-an’-tumble, no holts barred, ary man on both sides the river from Pittsburg to New Orleans an’ back again to St. Louiee. Come on, you flatters, you bargers, you milk-white mechanics, an’ see how tough I am to chaw! I ain’t had a fight for two days an’ I’m spilein’ for exercise. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Davey Crockett hung with him and bragged about it, that’s how cool Mike Fink was.

Did I mention I worked in Sandy Hook? Drove past every day. All very, very real.

It’s “The Method” that shows how dedicated you are to the art of Crisis Acting.