Take My Bulgarian Joke Book. Please.

By MICHAEL KIMMELMAN, The New York Times

Published: October 27, 2010

GABROVO, Bulgaria – The sign leading into town, faded but still readable in Bulgarian, was as I remembered it. “Welcome and good riddance,” it said. Gabrovians, like Borscht Belt comedians or Delaware Republicans, pride themselves on their sense of humor. Before the Wall fell, this hard-luck but endearing city at the foot of the central Balkans was regarded as the Communist capital of humor.

Seriously.

…

Officials at the House of Humor and Satire, a relic of a vanished regime, on more or less the margins of Central Europe, talk wistfully about becoming a more popular destination once again, if only they could come up with the money and a good plan. If only. Across the former Communist world museums like the House have been repurposed as ironic attractions for tourists often too young to remember much if anything about the Soviet era. Funnily, the House of Humor and Satire isn’t one of these. It lacks irony.

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I’ve worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never boring… which makes it like sex. There’s never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I’d never sleep with a player hitting under .250… not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there’s a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I’ve got a ballplayer alone, I’ll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. ‘Course, a guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. ‘Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball – now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust. I’ve tried ’em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

You could watch something else, but why?

• ABC Family– Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride, The Haunted Mansion
• AMC– Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers ], [House on Haunted Hill (not the good 1959 version)
• Bravo– Top Chef
• Disney– Return to Halloweentown
• Discovery– Mythbusters x 2 (premiers), Storm Chasers (also new)
• ESPN– Bulls @ Thunder
• ESPN2– World Series of Poker marathon (last week’s and this)
• Food– Next (this week’s), Tailgate Warriors With Guy Fieri (premier)
• Golf– Tin Cup (have I mentioned this is a pretty good movie?)
• FX– The Strangers, Terriers (premier)
• Lifetime– The Messengers x 2
• Oxygen– Monster In Law x 2 (again and again and again)
• Turner Classic– The Lady Eve, Sweet Smell of Success
• TNT– The Bourne Supremacy
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Wildcats x 2

Later-

• AMC– Return to House on Haunted Hill (aren’t there other scary movies?)
• ESPN– Blazers @ Clippers
• Oxygen– Bandidas
• Sci Fi– The Possessed
• Turner Classic– Lady of the Night (shhhh), Gold Diggers of 1933
• Toon– Family Guy (2 Part Star Wars)
• USA– Casino Royale (Craig)

Dave hosts Dana Carvey.  Jon has Barack Obama, Stephen Apolo Anton Ohno.  No Alton.

Boondocks– The Block Is Hot.

Fox and Cablevision at last report have not resolved their dispute.  I must admit I don’t follow every pitch, but I do try and report developing scoring situations and their results.  Since this is likely to be a Pitchers’ Duel (the most boring kind of Baseball) there will probably be a lot of ‘inning reports’ (as in “nothing happened this inning”).  Lincecum and Lee may face each other up to 3 times this Series, but the Giant’s Ace-In-The-Hole is Brian Wilson who was the most successful multi-inning reliever both during the season and in the Playoffs.  I’m hard pressed to decide who I hate more, the Polo Grounds deserters or W‘s ex-team, but my smart money still goes on the Senior League because World Series are about pitching, not offense, and the Junior Leaguers’ offense is sabotaged by the pernicious ‘Designated Hitter’ rule that makes their pitchers an easy out anyway.

Giants in 6.

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Evening Edition is an Open Thread

1 Cholera-hit Haiti told to prepare for worst as toll rises

by Alex Ogle, AFP

17 mins ago

From Taylor Marsh (who’s a little too much of a Clinton Cheerleader for me, but she makes a point)-

Obama refusing to endorse Frank Caprio because he supported Hillary, while staying loyal to a former Republican now turned Independent at a time when Democrats need every governor we can get, is the height of pettiness.

Pres. Obama is doing his impression of a spurned teenage girl, while Axelrod and David Plouffe calculate that by losing the House Obama will be helped for 2012. It’s all about Barack Obama. Screw the Democrats going down with his sinking policy ship.

I’ve dropped Melissa & Joey because their treatment of illegal immigrants in the episode Seoul Man was just about the most offensive thing I’ve seen in a long while.  Melissa and her writers bought into almost every xenophobic, racist stereotype the Republicans are pushing and I have better uses for my time.

• ABC Family– Practical Magic
• AMC– Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers x 2
• Disney– Halloweentown High
• Discovery– Dirty Jobs (premier), Auction Kings x 2 (Series Premier)
• ESPN– World Series of Poker x 2 (premiers)
• ESPN2– College Throwball, Louisiana Tech at Boise State
• Food– Private Chefs of Beverly Hills (premier)
• FX– The Happening (what a twist!)
• Sci Fi– Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers, Stargate Universe, Caprica (premiers)
• Speed– Monster Jam (premier)
• Turner Classic– Inherit the Wind (what do you know, I’m in this!), There Goes My Heart (Fredric March night)
• TNT– Heat @ Celtics, Rockets @ Lakers
• Toon– Tower Prep (premier), Sym-Bionic Titan, Clone Wars (this week’s)
• Vs.– Sabers @ Flyers

Later-

• Sci Fi– Instant repeats.
• Turner Classic– Seven Days in May (more March)
• USA– Licence to Kill (Dalton)

Dave hosts Taylor Swift and Seth Meyers.  Jon has Ted Kaufman, Stephen Garry Wills.  No Alton.

Boondocks– Riley Wuz Here.

I had a nice clean place to stay… I left it to come here.  Ah Hillsboro, a mixture of Moorish and Methodist.  It must have been designed by a Congressman.

A sad choice, my stomach or my spirit.  I’ll have a hotdog.

It is the duty of a newspaper to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

I do hateful things for which people love me, and I do loveable things for which they hate me. I’m admired for my detestability. Now don’t worry, little Eva. I may be rancid butter, but I’m on your side of the bread.

Evening Edition is an Open Thread

1 Haiti reports 25 new cholera deaths

by Clarens Renois, AFP

2 hrs 30 mins ago

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who know binary and those who don’t.

What Happens Next? The Complex Post-Election Landscape

Howard Fineman, The Huffington Post

10-25-10 01:27 PM

In his simplistic way Howard Fineman has identified what he from his inside the Belt Buckle gonad licking perspective views as the 5 post election power blocks-

• Karl Rove and the GOP “Establishment”
• Palin and the Tea Baggers
• Bloomberg’s Plutocrat Brigade
• The “Union-Krugmanites” (you know, hippies)
• THE WHITE HOUSE

Actually Fineman puts them all in ALL CAPS.  Must be new to blogging.

What particularly drew my attention to his “insight” are his descriptipns of the last 3 groups.  Here’s what he has to say about Bloomberg for instance-

This time, he would run in the manner of the landed gentry of two centuries ago: as an American patrician above it all, thanks to his vast wealth, with no partisan allegiance, eager to strike a national, centrist consensus on the debt, on the environment and foreign affairs. He’d draw on what’s left of moderate Republicanism (admittedly not much). But, more important, he’d draw on what’s left of Clintonism, which is quite considerable. Pro-business Democrats, which Bill Clinton was, are about to become an endangered species. Blue Dog Democrats — which Clinton was, sort of — are about to become extinct.

Can’t happen soon enough for me Howard.

This is what he thinks about hippies-

Next week’s results will decimate conservative Democrats, who won marginal districts in 2006 and 2008 in red or purple districts and states. As a result, the Left, or what’s left of the Left, will be in charge of shrunken Democratic ranks in Congress.

Well, that’s not so bad.  But Fineman goes on to identify Paul Krugman as one of the “few true, visible operational heroes at the moment.”  Why?  Because while “not radical, … in today’s context a true believer in the Democratic tradition of the New Deal and John Maynard Keynes seems like one.”

Good in a way, because I know a lot of people who are much farther to the left than The Shrill One, but bad also because Fineman dismisses out of hand, doesn’t even consider, that there are “radicals”.

We’re not “serious” enough for the likes of Howard.

But what’s truly alarming is his prescription for Obama-

(M)ore than acquiring new staff, the president needs to do something he has resisted. He has to become a Washington inside player and pretend to like it.

Like he hasn’t done that for 2 years already.

Howard Fineman is a moron.

Or changiness, I forget which.

Blue Dogs Face Sharp Losses in Midterms

By GERALD F. SEIB, The Wall Street Journal

October 26, 2010

WASHINGTON-More than half the members of the Blue Dog Coalition-the organization of moderate to conservative Democrats in the House-are in peril in next week’s election, a stark indicator of how the balloting could produce a Congress even more polarized than the current one.

…

The upshot is one of the great political ironies of the year: A national conservative wave will hit hardest not at the most liberal Democrats, but at the most conservative Democrats. The Democratic caucus left behind will be, on balance, more liberal than it was before the election.

…

Within the Democratic party, many expect this process to produce a vigorous, perhaps nasty, internal debate about the ideological direction of the party. Already some on the party’s left are complaining that the centrists who will lose didn’t support the party’s signature legislative initiatives, such as the health-care overhaul, and that their departure should be seen as a sign the party would be better off pursuing a more liberal agenda that would please and fire up its base.

Anyone who “claims” to care about electoral victory is a liar.

Democratic candidate for Governor of Rhode Island Frank T. Caprio–

You know, I’ve never asked President Obama for his endorsement, and what’s going here is really Washington insider politics at its worst. You have two former senators – Senator Chafee and former Senator Obama – who have behind the scenes tried to put, you know, together an endorsement for Senator Chafee. And who knows, maybe there’ll even be one coming, but I never asked for President Obama’s endorsement, uh, you know, he could take his endorsement and really shove it as far as I’m concerned.

The reality here is that Rhode Islanders are hurting. We have one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. We had one of the worst floods in the history of the United States a few months back, and President Obama didn’t even do a fly-over of Rhode Island like President Bush did when New Orleans had their problems. He ignored us and, now, he’s coming into Rhode Island and treating us like an ATM machine.

So what I’m saying to President Obama very clearly is, I’ll wear it as a badge of honor and a badge of courage that he doesn’t want to endorse me as a Democrat because I am a different kind of Democrat. I’m going to fight for big changes in the state. I’m going to fight for jobs every day. And this place could be such a great place. And we don’t need these Washington insider politics. It’s at its worst.

You know, he comes in here looking for big donations from Rhode Islanders when you know we’re hurting and we need jobs here. We need people who are really going to care about what’s going on Main Street here in Rhode Island. That’s the kind of governor I’m going to be. So, I thank the people of Rhode Island for all the support they’ve given me up to this point and, now, we’ve got to close this deal over the next week and we’re going to bring the state back.

Some premiers.

Well, I don’t have anything to say, you’ve done the best you could. You really have, the best you could. You can’t expect to win em all. But, I want to tell you something I’ve kept to myself through these years. I was in the war myself, medical corps. I was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He could barely talk. He looked at me and said, “The odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway, I’m glad the Captain made the right decision.” The pilot’s name was George Zip.

George Zip said that?

The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”

• ABC Family– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• AMC– Halloween (the good original), Halloween II
• Bravo– Real Housewives (last week’s and premier)
• Disney– Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge x 2
• Discovery– Swamp Loggers, Sr. v. Jr. (repeats)
• ESPN– Throwball, Giants @ Boys (4 – 2 v. 1 – 4, you know how to root)
• Food– New Best Thing I Ever Ate, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives
• FX– Made of Honor
• History– American Restoration x 2 (Series Premier), new Pawn Stars x 2
• National Geographic– Sink the Bismark!
• Oxygen– The Skeleton Key x 2
• Spike– Halloween (not the good original)
• TBS– Family Guy, American Dad night
• Turner Classic– Lust for Gold, The Magnificent Yankee
• TLC– Little People, Big World, Cake Boss (premiers)
• Toon– Regular Show, MAD, Total Drama World Tour, (premiers), Robotomy (Series Premier)
• TV Guide– Doc Hollywood x 2 (useless)
• TV Land– Airplane!

Later-

• FX– Halloween: Resurrection
• Lifetime– Gracie’s Choice
• Oxygen– The Craft
• Turner Classic– Mickey One, Hollywood Hotel (Zombie Ronnie)
• Travel– Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations marathon
• USA– Shoot ‘Em Up

Dave hosts Charles Barkley, Gary Dell’Abate (why?), and Kings of Leon.  Jon has Austan Goolsbee (ugh), Stephen Nicholas Negroponte.  Double Alton, Molasses and Doughnuts.

Boondocks– Let’s Nab Oprah (a real insight into Riley, Wuncler Jr., and Rummy)

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