I’m kinda Internet proof. If you use my real name, the first hundred or so matches?

Well, they’re not me.

Under ek I’m not as famous as I was when I was resident at the orange insane asylum run by the Bösendorfer idiot (and I’m not kidding at all when I say I also own one and made him a generous offer, lock, stock, and barrel) and no longer out-Google my Sparks and Cliffs Notes and you know something?

I’m actually much happier. My Therapist agrees.

I’ve been acting since before I read Double Star (Imposter Syndrome, ask Michelle) and I’ve basically been wearing a physical disguise for over a decade though all I really need is a pebble in my shoe. I must say the ability to run around with a bandana like the Frito Bandito without arousing comment is amazingly liberating.

Welcome to Monday you gamblers.

You know, in the United States, there are two zeros- Zero and Double Zero.

Dow futures plunge 800 points as Wall Street looks set to extend last week’s sharp losses
by Yun Li, CNBC
Sun, Jun 14

Stock futures fell in early morning trading on Monday, pointing to more losses ahead as investors grapple with signs of a second wave of coronavirus cases as the economy reopens.

Futures on the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 810 points, implying a drop of more than 882 points at the Monday open. S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 futures also pointed to Monday opening declines for the two indexes.

The early morning action in futures markets followed a big pullback last week triggered by rising fears of a resurgence in the virus as well as investors’ profit-taking after the massive comeback.

The Dow and S&P 500 lost 5.5% and 4.7% last week, respectively, while the Nasdaq shed 2.3%. All three major equity benchmarks suffered their worst week since March 20.

“The meltup may need to take a break, as sentiment has turned too bullish too rapidly,” Ed Yardeni, president and chief investment strategist at Yardeni Research, said in a note on Sunday. “Now that reopening is happening, there’s fear of suboptimal results: less social distancing triggering a second wave of the virus, followed by another round of lockdowns.”

States in the reopening process including Alabama, California, Florida and North Carolina are reporting a rise in daily new coronavirus cases. Texas and North Carolina reported a record number of virus-related hospitalizations Saturday.

Meanwhile, Governor Andrew Cuomo warned New Yorkers against triggering a second wave of the coronavirus. He said on Sunday the state has received 25,000 complaints about businesses violating rules of the phased reopening, threatening to take liquor licenses from bars and restaurants.

“The COVID deterioration in certain states will stay an overhang for the market, although it would take a sustained increase in US numbers overall to spark a dramatic shift in the narrative,” Vital Knowledge founder Adam Crisafulli said in a note on Sunday.

Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin told CNBC on Thursday that shutting down the economy for a second time to slow Covid-19 isn’t a viable option as it will “create more damage.”

After last week’s sell-off, the S&P 500 is down 5.8% on the year, still more than 38% higher from its March low. The 30-stock Dow is down 10.2% year to date.

Prediction- by November we will have given back every economic gain in the last 4 years. British GDP is already down 20% in April alone (of course they have other problems like Brexit and Boris Johnson).

But it’s free Monopoly money if you get it from the Fed so why not?

Look, I never use “America” as a synonym for “The United States of” because it’s two Continents and an Isthmus with over 30 separate Nations including some that are bigger.

However Mrs. Betty Bowers may very well be America’s Best Christian.

Happy Birthday Asshole.

I have not gone back to covering this on the reg. I find most of Late Night exceptionally painful and unfunny and my policy of absolutely no Cable News and no Late Night is fully supported by my Therapist.

This is not funny either but it’s a pretty fair summary in case I missed anything important.