Tag: Prime Time

Of course, what I’m really looking forward to is tomorrow’s Platypus Day marathon (starting at 5 pm on Disney).  Some premiers, am I the only one who detects any irony in Faux hosting the Image Awards?

Gentlemen!  Behold!

• AMC– The Walking Dead marathon
• Bravo– How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days x 2
• CNN– Rodney King Special
• Disney– The Suite Life on Deck, Fish Hooks, Phineas and Ferb (premiers)
• Discovery– Flying Wild (last week’s and new), American Loggers (premier)
• E!– The Soup (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Bulls @ Magic, Heat @ Spurs
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Akron at Kent State
• FX– Meet Dave x 2
• Oxygen– Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins x 2
• Sci Fi– Merlin x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Style– City of Angels
• TBS– The Bucket List x 2
• Turner Classic– Clambake, Latin Lovers
• TNT– Journey to the Center of the Earth
• Toon– Generator Rex (premier), Clone Wars (Part 2 of The Citadel Trilogy, premier)
• VH1– SNL marathon

Later-

• Comedy– Scary Movie 2
• Oxygen– Something New
• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s)
• TBS– A Walk in the Clouds
• Turner Classic– The Richest Girl in the World
• TNT– Deep Blue Sea
• Toon– ATHF, American Dad (Series Premier repeats)
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland (this week’s)

Dave in repeats from 1/20.

Aquateen Hunger Force- Assemble!

Yep, a bad night for quotes.

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Hardly any premiers and if you tell me, “But ek, American Idol is choosing their finalists” I’m banning you from this piece.

Can you understand this, Mr. Byam? Discipline is the thing. A seaman’s a seaman. A captain’s a captain. And a midshipman, Sir Joseph or no Sir Joseph, is the lowest form of animal life in the British Navy.

• ABC Family– Along Came Polly, Meet the Parents
• AMC– The Brave One x 2
• Animal Planet– Animals Attack!
• Comedy– Futurama quasi-marathon
• Discovery– Man v. Wild (last week’s and new), Out of the Wild (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Tennessee @ South Carolina, Wisconsin @ Indiana
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, St. John’s @ Seton Hall, UCLA @ Washington
• Food– Ice Brigade (Series Premier)
• FX– Archer (premier)
• Sci Fi– Nomad remake
• TBS– Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
• Turner Classic– Grand Hotel, Mutiny on the Bounty
• TNT– Hoopies, Magic @ Heat, Nuggets @ Jazz
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• USA– Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fairly Legal x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• VH1– SNL marathon

I want to be alone.

Later-

I don’t belong here, I feel it, don’t you think I feel it. I can’t do any of these vile things and I wouldn’t WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil. Oh God.

But baby, we LIKE you.

• AMC– Overboard (really good)
• FX– Hitman
• Sci Fi– Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
• Turner Classic– The Broadway Melody
• Toon– Eagleheart (premier)
• USA– White Collar, Royal Pains (this week’s)
• VH1– Fast Times at Ridgemont High (also really good)

Dave hosts Robin Williams and Judy Greer.  Jon has Diane Ravitch, Stephen Mark W. Moffett.  Conan hosts Emily Blunt, Martha Stewart, and Taio Cruz.

Mr. Spicoli your absolutely right, it is our time.  Yours, mine and everyone else’s.  But it is my class.  Mr. Spicoli has been nice enough to offer us some pizza.  Be my guests.  Get a good one.

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Mostly premiers, only American Masters (Carole King and James Taylor) and Great Performances (Harry Connick Jr.) worth mentioning.

How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful, magical? Our white skin, our fierce eyes? “Drink” you ask me, do you have any idea of the thing you will become?

• ABC Family– Legally Blonde, Cheaper by the Dozen
• AMC– Tombstone
• Bravo– Top Chef (last week’s and new)
• Disney– Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure
• Discovery– Desert Car Kings (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, North Carolina @ Florida State, Clemson @ Duke
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Connecticut @ West Virginia, Texas A&M @ Kansas
• Food– Throwdown (premier), Restaurant: Impossible
• FX– The Incredible Hulk
• History– Aliens! and Disasters!
• National Geographic– Restrepo (so it didn’t win an Oscar)
• Oxygen– Interview with the Vampire, The Amityville Horror x 2 (I hesitate to call the 1979 version good)
• Sci Fi– Face Off (premier)
• TBS– Are We There Yet? (premier)
• Turner Classic– East of Eden, Around the World in 80 Days
• TNT– Bones marathon
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland, Retired at 35 x 3 (premiers + Instapeats)
• Vs.– Penguins @ Maple Leafs

We searched village after village, country after country. And always we found nothing. I began to believe we were the only ones. There was a strange comfort in that thought. For what the damned really have to say to the damned?

Later-

All I hear from you, you spineless cowards, is how poor you are; how you can’t afford my taxes. Yet somehow, you managed to find the money to hire a gunfighter to kill me. If ya got so much money, I’m just gonna have to take some more. Because clearly some of you haven’t got the message! This is my town! I run everything! If you live to see the dawn, it’s because I allow it! I decide who lives and who dies!

• AMC– The Quick and the Dead
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Utah State @ New Mexico State
• Turner Classic– Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes
• USA– Fairly Legal, Royal Pains (this week’s), Blood Diamond
• VH1– Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny

Dave hosts the Donald (ugh), Vanessa Hudgens, and Oh Land.  Jon has Allison Stanger, like Great Performances Stephen also has Harry Connick Jr..  Conan hosts Chelsea Handler, Anthony Mackie, and Mavis Staples.

Sorry, John. Changed the rules. From now on, all the fights are fair.

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V, NCIS x 2.

My native habitat is the theater. In it I toil not, neither do I spin. I am a critic and commentator. I am essential to the theatre.

• AMC– True Grit x 2
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (with premier)
• Comedy– Onion SportsDome (premier)
• Disney– The Luck of the Irish
• Discovery– Dirty Jobs (last week’s and new), American Treasures (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Illinois @ Purdue, Vanderbilt @ Kentucky
• ESPN2– College Hoopie, Baylor @ Oklahoma
• Food– Cupcake Wars (premier)
• FX– The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Lights Out x 3 (premier + 2 Instapeats)
• History– Top Shot (Season 2, Episode 4 premier)
• Lifetime– American Pickers x 2
• Sci Fi– TNG marathon
• Turner Classic– The Emperor Waltz, All About Eve
• TLC– What Not to Wear (last week’s and new)
• TNT– Payback
• Travel– Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern marathon (with premier)
• USA– White Collar x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Vs.– Sabres @ Rangers

I’ll admit I may have seen better days, but I’m still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut.

Later-

I’m going to be a great film star! That is, if booze and sex don’t get me first.

• Oxygen– Interview with the Vampire, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
• Turner Classic– Cabaret
• TV Land– Retired at 35, Hot in Cleveland (this week’s)
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal (this week’s)

Dave hosts Amanda Seyfried, B.J. Novak, and the cast of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.  Jon has Ayman Safadi, Stephen Evan Osnos.  Conan hosts Piers Morgan, Emmy Rossum, and Nick Griffin (who has an interesting name doppelganger).

That’s me, darling. Unusual places, unusual love affairs. I am a most strange and extraordinary person.

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American Experience covers the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire.  New House.  Some other premiers not worth remarking on.

Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Maybe some of us drink because we’re not poets.

• ABC Family– Pretty Little Liars x 2, Greek (premiers + Instapeat)
• AMC– Bad Boys x 2
• Comedy– My Best Friend’s Girl, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia marathon
• Disney– Legally Blondes
• Discovery– Sr. v. Jr. x 2, Gold Rush (this week’s wrap up)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Villanova @ Notre Dame, Kansas State @ Texas
• ESPN2– Women’s College Basketball, St. John’s @ West Virginia
• Food– Triple D (premier)
• FX– The Simpsons Movie x 2
• Sci Fi– Being Human x 3 (last week’s and new + Instapeat), Warehouse 13
• Speed– Pinks: All Out (Series Finale premier)
• Spike– The Fugitive
• TBS– Family Guy night
• Turner Classic– Arthur, The Lost Weekend
• Toon– MAD, Regular Show (premiers)
• Travel– Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations marathon (with premier)
• Vs.– Blackhawks @ Wild

I’ve taken the liberty of anticipating your condition. I have brought you orange juice, coffee, and aspirins. Or do you need to throw up?

Later-

I can’t believe we’re paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you!

• AMC– 48 Hours
• Sci Fi– Moonlight, Face Off (this week’s)
• Turner Classic– Days of Wine and Roses

Dave hosts Brian Williams (ugh), Trey Parker and Matt Stone (double ugh), and Zac Brown Band.  Jon has Howard Stern, Stephen Michael Scheuer.  Alton does Popovers and Meat Pie.  Conan hosts Marisa Tomei, Harland Williams, and Fitz & the Tantrums.

Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it’s borrowing some of mine.

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I, of course, am going to be monitoring TheMomCat’s Oscar live blog, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other choices available.

Amazing Race premier (I told you, I know a big fan).  Masterpiece Theater has Any Human Heart (also a premier).

Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

• ABC Family– Meet the Parents
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon
• Comedy– Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, My Best Friend’s Girl
• Disney– Good Luck Charlie, Shake It Up (premiers)
• ESPN– Knicks @ Heat, Hawks @ Blazers
• ESPN2– Winternationals, Bassmasters (premier)
• FX– Hancock x 2, Step Brothers
• History– Ax Men (last week’s and new)
• Sci Fi– Casino Royale (not the wacky 1967 version)
• Spike– Revenge of the Sith x 2
• TBS– The Family That Preys x 2
• Turner Classic– Mildred Pierce, Annie Hall (his funny movie)
• Toon– Regular Show marathon, Baby Blues, Oblongs
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Bullriding, Tour of Oman

What’s with all these awards? They’re always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.

Later-

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

• AMC– The Longest Day
• Sci Fi– The Rocketeer (not as bad as it might be), Judge Dredd (just as bad as you think)
• Spike– Waterworld (one of the worst ever, and not in a good way)
• TBS– Code Name: The Cleaner
• Turner Classic– The Informer
• Toon– Robot Chicken (premier)
• USA– Royal Pains, White Collar (this week’s)

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

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Not so many premiers, last week’s Amazing Race (I know a fan).  Pursuit of Happyness (their spelling not mine).  Austin City Limits has Allen Toussaint.

Mets tied their first pre-season game against the Braves 5 – 5 with a 2 run homer by Willie Harris in the 10th.  Yes, they just aclled it at 10.  Lady Huskies clinched the regular season Big East title with a win at Georgetown 52 – 42 (it was closer than that).

No Fate.

• AMC– Terminator 2: Judgment Day x 2 (easily the best of all the Terminator movies because of Linda Hamilton’s performance)
• Animal Planet– Must Love Cats (premier), Pit Boss x 2 (premiers, and I know someone who’s relative appears on the show)
• Bravo– House marathon
• Comedy– Good Luck Chuck, My Best Friend’s Girl
• Disney– Wizards of Waverly Place marathon
• Discovery– When Pigs Attack!
• E!– When Harry Met Sally
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Duke @ Virginia Tech
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, UCSB @ Long Beach State, PBA Bowling
• FX– Death Race (not the better 1975 version)
• Sci Fi– Star Trek: Nemesis, Area 51 x 2
• Speed– Supercross
• Spike– A Bronx Tale, Days of Thunder (hilariously bad)
• TBS– Diary of a Mad Black Woman, The Family That Preys
• Turner Classic– It Happened One Night, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
• TNT– The Guardian
• Toon– Space Jam (not as watchable as Looney Tunes: Back in Action), God, the Devil and Bob
• TV Land– Retired at 35 marathon
• Vs.– Bullriding
• VH1– What’s Love Got to Do With It

What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin’? Well you’re not! You’re not! You’re no crazier than the average asshole out walkin’ around on the streets and that’s it.

Later-

We all know that the images we see can elicit strong emotional reactions. But I always wondered, can the images we see do more than hurt us emotionally? Is it possible to see something so bad that it actually hurts you physically? In other words, can too much black television kill you?

• ABC Family– O Brother, Where Art Thou?
• Comedy– Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
• FX– Rules of Engagement
• Oxygen– Just Friends
• Sci Fi– Alien Siege
• Spike– Lucky Number Slevin
• TBS– Why Did I Get Married?, College Road Trip
• Turner Classic– The Silence of the Lambs
• TNT– The Postman
• Vs.– D-League Hoopies, Jam @ Stampede

SNL from 11/20/10.

Boondocks– Riley Wuz Here.  The Venture Brothers– Return to Spider-Skull Island.

There is a television behind the El Greco. Sadly, the remote has vanished from the material sphere! So it’s stuck on Animal Planet.

…

What is…

That’s Doc’s deformed twin brother he absorbed in the womb, who’s come back for revenge. But now they’ve made up, so…

‘Kay…

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Lots of premiers, none worth watching.  I mean, when Faux starts recycling Food Network reality shows how low can you sink?

I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

• AMC– Goodfellas x 2
• Bravo– The Green Mile x 2
• CNN– Spitzer & Co., Kathleen Parker has left the building Elvis
• Disney– Bolt, Fish Hooks (premier), Phineas and Ferb
• Discovery– Gold Rush (last week’s Season Finale and roundup/next season whore premier), Flying Wild (premier)
• E!– The Soup (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Thunder @ Magic, Nuggets @ Blazers
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Siena @ Fairfield
• FX– The Devil Wears Prada x 2
• Oxygen– The Notebook x 2
• Sci Fi– Merlin x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Style– Bridget Jones’ Diary
• TBS– Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Meet The Browns
• Turner Classic– On The Waterfront, From Here To Eternity
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress x 2 (premiers), DC Cupcakes x 4 (2 premiers)
• Toon– Hall of Game (Award Special), Regular Show (premier)
• VH1– SNL marathon

You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.

Later-

Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. That part is perfect for him. It’ll make him a big star. I’m gonna run him out of the movies. And let me tell you why. Johnny Fontane ruined one of Woltz International’s most valuable proteges. For three years we had her under contract, singing lessons, dancing lessons, acting lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was gonna make her a big star. And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I’m not a hard-hearted man, that it’s not all dollars and cents. She was beautiful, she was innocent, she was the greatest piece of ass I’ve ever had, and I’ve had it all over the world. And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous. Now you get the hell out of here. And you tell that gumba that if he wants to try any rough stuff that I ain’t no band leader. Yeah, I heard that story.

Thank you for the dinner and a very pleasant evening. Have your car take me to the airport. Mr Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.

• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s)
• Style– When Harry Met Sally
• TBS– How Stella Got Her Groove Back
• Turner Classic– Tom Jones
• TNT– A Time To Kill
• VH1– Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star

Dave hosts Matthew Morrison, Jeff Altman, and Jessica Lea Mayfield.

Let’s go to a phone booth or something, huh? Where I will unveil a fifth of whiskey, I have hidden here under my loose, flowing sports shirt.

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Mostly premiers including a new episode of the La Femme Nikita remake.

Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in.

• ABC Family– Bruce Almighty, Liar Liar
• AMC– The Godfather Part III
• Comedy– Futurama quasi-marathon (2010 Season premier repeat)
• Discovery– Man v. Wild (last week’s and new), Out of the Wild (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Marquette @ Connecticut, West Virginia @ Pittsburgh
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Georgia @ Florida, Penn State @ Northwestern
• FX– Archer (premier + Instapeat)
• Lifetime– Sydney White
• Sci Fi– Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, Dawn of the Dead (not the good 1978 version)
• TBS– Last Holiday
• Turner Classic– Dodsworth, Ben-Hur
• TNT– Hoopies, Heat @ Bulls, Celtics @ Nuggets
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)
• VH1– SNL marathon

Later-

• AMC– Training Day
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Gonzaga @ St. Mary’s
• FX– White Chicks
• Sci Fi– Dead Men Walking, The Final
• Toon– Eagleheart (premier)
• Vs.– D-League All Star Game (from the 19th)

Dave hosts Rand Paul (ugh) and Bright Eyes.  Greenwald says he’ll be on Stephen, Zap2it says Mike Huckabee.  Conan hosts Cory Monteith, Stephen Merchant, and Kumail Nanjiani.

Maybe you should come with me for a few weeks. See what happens. See how much you learn. Then, we’ll talk about your future.

• Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.
• Never let anyone know what you are thinking.
• Your enemies always get strong on what you leave behind.
• Friends and money – oil and water.

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Solid premiers.  A double dose of Nova (it means ‘won’t go’ in Spanish).

I don’t need money. People give me things because they believe in me.

• AMC– The Godfather Part II
• Bravo– Top Chef marathon (with premier)
• Disney– Meet the Robinsons
• Discovery– Mythbusters, Desert Car Kings (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Thunder @ Spurs, Clippers @ Hornets
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Temple at Duke, Baylor at Missouri
• Food– Worst (Season Finale repeat), Throwdown, Restaurant: Impossible (premiers)
• FX– Hancock
• History– Aliens!
• Oxygen– Rumor Has It x 2
• Sci Fi– Face Off x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Speed– Car Warriors (Series Premier)
• TBS– Are We There Yet? x 2 (premier)
• Turner Classic– All The King’s Men, You Can’t Take It With You
• TLC– Toddlers & Tiaras marathon (Season Finale premier)
• TNT– Bones marathon
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland, Retired at 35 x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Sharks @ Penguins
• VH1– New Jack City

Now, shut up! Shut up, all of you! Now listen to me, you hicks. Yeah, you’re hicks too, and they fooled you a thousand times like they fooled me. But this time, I’m going to fool somebody. I’m going to stay in this race. I’m on my own and I’m out for blood.

Later-

You wanna know what my platform is? Here it is. I’m gonna soak the fat boys and spread it out thin.

• ESPN2– College Hoopies, New Mexico State @ San Jose State
• Turner Classic– The Great Ziegfeld
• USA– Fairly Legal, Royal Pains (this week’s)

Dave hosts Rainn Wilson, Hank Aaron, and The Mountain Goats.  Jon (I hardly know whether to feature him any more, he’s just as big a corporatist as Bill O’Reilly and David Gregory, perhaps you’ll give me your opinion in the comments) has War Criminal Donald Rumsfeld, Stephen Stephanie Coontz.  Conan hosts Jason Sudeikis, Brandon T. Jackson, and G. Love.

I’m the hick they were gonna use to split the hick vote. But I’m standing right here now on my hind legs! Even a dog can learn to do that. Are you standing on your hind legs? Have you learned to do that yet?

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