Tag: Prime Time

Pretty solid premiers. V, double shot of NCIS, Frontline covers Egypt.

Snakes.  Why is it always snakes.

• AMC– The Godfather
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon
• Comedy– Onion SportsDome (premier)
• Disney– Ice Age
• Discovery– Dirty Jobs (last week’s and new), American Treasures (Series Premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Illinois @ Ohio State, Tennessee @ Vanderbilt
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Virginia Tech @ Wake Forest
• Food– Cupcake Wars (premier)
• FX– Wanted (again), Lights Out x 3 (premier + Instapeats)
• History– Top Shot (Episode 3 Series 2 premier)
• Oxygen– You, Me and Dupree
• Sci Fi– TNG marathon
• Spike– On Deadly Ground, Under Siege
• Turner Classic– The Defiant Ones, Amadeus
• TLC– What Not to Wear (last week’s and new)
• Travel– Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern marathon (with premier)
• USA– Raiders of the Lost Ark, White Collar x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Vs.– Devils @ Stars

Oh, Marcus. What are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother. We’ve known each other for a long time. I don’t believe in magic, a lot of superstitious hocus pocus. I’m going after a find of incredible historical significance, you’re talking about the boogie man. Besides, you know what a cautious fellow I am.

Later-

Barzini is dead. So is Phillip Tattallgia. Moe Green. Slacci. Cuneo. Today I settled all family business so don’t tell me that you’re innocent. Admit what you did.

• AMC– Taxi Driver
• Oxygen– The Next Karate Kid
• Style– My Girl 2
• TV Land– Retired at 35, Hot in Cleveland (this week’s)
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal (this week’s)
• VH1– New Jack City

Dave hosts Amy Poehler, Jean Chu and her cat, and Deerhunter.  Jon has Anderson Cooper, Stephen Bing West (an interesting piece from digby about Jon and his false equivalence ‘centrism’ and ‘civility’.  Let me just add a hearty “Fuck you, you privileged poppycock asshole” Jon.).  Conan hosts Matthew Perry, Mike Sorrentino, and Jason Aldean.

You’re not a wartime Consigliari, Tom. Things could get rough with the move we’re making.

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Lots of premiers.  "Television is a vast wasteland".

Gozer the Gozerian… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

• ABC Family– Pretty Little Liars, Greek (premiers)
• Comedy– Mr. Woodcock, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia marathon
• Disney– The Game Plan
• Discovery– Gold Rush marathon
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Syracuse @ Villanova, Oklahoma State @ Kansas
• ESPN2– Women’s College Basketball, Georgia @ Tennessee, Texas @ Iowa State (btw, Huskies #1 again)
• FX– Armageddon
• Sci Fi– Being Human (last week’s and new + Instapeat), Warehouse 13
• Spike– Die Hard, Swordfish x 2
• TBS– Family Guy night
• Turner Classic– State Fair, The Best Years of Our Lives
• TLC– The Unpoppables x 2, Cake Boss (premiers)
• Toon– MAD, Regular Show (premiers)
• Travel– Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations marathon
• TV Land– Ghostbusters
• Vs.– Caps @ Penguins

Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been out of college! You don’t know what it’s like out there! I’ve *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*.

Later-

Hey. Does this pole still work? Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I’m gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.

• FX– Death Sentence
• Sci Fi– Moonlight, Face Off (this week’s)
• Turner Classic– Pygmalion

Dave hosts War Criminal Donald Rumsfeld, also Cobie Smulders and Adele.  Jon has Lisa Ling, Stephen Eugene Jarecki.  Alton does breakfast and buns.  Conan hosts Ed Helms, Carmelo Anthony, and Chromeo.

I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!

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A new season of Amazing Race.  Animation dominaton on Faux (all premiers).  SNL marathon.  Nature has a very sad premier about Tigers.  Masterpiece Theater spins a yarn about Ian Fleming.

And the NBA All Star Game on TNT.

Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There’s no escape. I’m God’s lonely man… June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.

• ABC Family– Did I mention over rated?
• AMC– Taxi Driver x 2
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (with premier)
• Disney– Good Luck Charlie, Shake It Up! (premiers)
• Discovery– Sr. v. Jr. marathon
• Food– Worst (last week’s and Season Finale), Iron Chef America (Morimoto premier)
• FX– Iron Man (where’s Popeye when you need him?)
• History– Ax Men (last week’s and new)
• Lifetime– Coyote Ugly, James Patterson’s Sundays at Tiffany’s
• Spike– Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones x 2
• Style– The Dish (premier)
• TBS– Monster In Law x 2
• Turner Classic– Born Yesterday, My Fair Lady
• Toon– Young Justice League, [Clone Wars ] (this week’s)
• TV Land– [Hot In Cleveland ] marathon
• Vs.– Canadiens @ Flames, The Fan x 2

I’ll tell you why. I think you’re a lonely person. I drive by this place a lot and I see you here. I see a lot of people around you. And I see all these phones and all this stuff on your desk. It means nothing. Then when I came inside and I met you, I saw in your eyes and I saw the way you carried yourself that you’re not a happy person. And I think you need something. And if you want to call it a friend, you can call it a friend.

Later-

Child, how can you see with all that light?

• AMC– Once Upon A Time In Mexico
• Comedy– Richard Pryor: Live in Concert
• FX– Jumper
• Lifetime– August Rush
• Sci Fi– Judge Dredd, The Blair Witch Project
• Spike– Die Hard
• TBS– The Wedding Planner
• Turner Classic– Auntie Mame
• TNT– NBA All Star Game (Instapeat)
• USA– Royal Pains (this week’s), Burn Notice, National Treasure

Widdicome, Gutterman, Applewhite, Bibberman and Black. You want to talk to Mr. Gutterman? One moment, sir. I’ll connect you. Widdicome, Gutterman, Applewhite, Bibberman and Black. Oh, yes Mr. Bibberman. You’d like to talk with Mr. Applewhite? Oh, yes, sir, he’s in. I’ll connect you. Widdicome, Gutterman, Applewhite, Bib-bib-bib-blib-bibman and Black? Oh yes, long distance, how are you? Oh. Mr Widdecome? I have your San Francisco call for you. Yes, Mr. Bibberman? Oh. Did I connect you to Mr. Gutterman instead of Mr. Applewhite? I’m sorry Mr. Bibbicome, Bibbibibbib. Oh Mr. Applewhite, what are you doing in that hole with Mr. Gutterman? Yes Mr. Widdicome? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’ll try to reconnect you again with San Francisco. Let me see, Mr. Bibibib is in there talking to Mr. Bubbawhite. Where on earth is Mr. Applewhite? Oh, there you are Mr. Applewhite! Mr. Widdicome, there’s no such place as San Francisco. Please! Mr. Bibibib? Mr. Widdicome?

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Hardly any premiers.  Over the Hedge.  Austin City Limits has Willie Nelson

Oh. Well, a few years back, Oprah said some shit on her show about beef. You know, Mad Cow Disease or some shit. Anyway, the beef industry didn’t exactly find that shit amusing. They figured they’d send a crew of armed Texans to teach Oprah a lesson. Ex-Marines, ex-Texas Rangers, rouges, that kinda shit. But Oprah had hired Bushido Brown as her personal boydguard. Apparently, only one dude managed to actually lay a hand on Oprah’s office door. They say… Bushido Brown kept that hand.

• ABC Family– Titanic (have I mentioned this is the most over rated movie ever?)
• AMC– For a Few Dollars More
• Animal Planet– Pit Boss x 2 (premiers)
• Bravo– House marathon
• E!– The Princess Diaries
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Illinois @ Michigan State
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, George Mason @ Northern Iowa, Utah State @ St. Mary’s
• Food– Triple D marathon
• FX– Wanted
• History– Top Shot (1st and 2nd episodes of Season 2)
• Lifetime– Glass House: The Good Mother, Deadly Honeymoon
• Nick– House of Anubis (1 hour Season Finale)
• Oxygen– The Pacifier (again), While You Were Sleeping
• Sci Fi– Anaconda 3: Offspring, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (Snakes.  Why does it always have to be snakes?)
• Spike– The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior
• TBS– Bedtime Stories, Just Married
• Turner Classic– Gigi, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (a little recent)
• TNT– Pre All Star Hoopies
• Toon– George of the Jungle, God, the Devil and Bob
• Vs.– Bullriding x 2
• VH1– Purple Rain

Oprah Winfrey taps directly into the emotions, beliefs, buying habits and summer reading patterns of billions of women all over the world! Oprah Winfrey has the power to lay waste an entire industry with a mere utterance! She’s a completely invincible, unstoppable force of nature and with her under our control… nobody would be able to stop us!

Later-

Could you tell the court what it is that you do? You’re a type of magician?

Well, if you must call me that, yes. But, if you are after mere parlor tricks, you will be sorely disappointed. For if I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, but your very soul!

• ABC Family– Under the Tuscan Sun
• AMC– The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
• E!– The Soup (yesterday’s)
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Montana @ Long Beach State
• Oxygen– Shall We Dance?
• Sci Fi– Anacondas: Trail of Blood, Sea Snakes
• Spike– Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassins’ Ball
• Turner Classic– The Last Emperor
• TNT– The Longest Yard (not the good 1974 version)

SNL– from 12/11/10

Boondocks– Let’s Nab Oprah.  The Venture Brothers– Trial of the Monarch

Hey, just because we don’t know anyone tryin’ to stop us, don’t mean ain’t nobody out there tryin’ to stop us. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.

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Pretty solid premiers, none worth remarking on.

All my brothers and brothers-in-laws tell me what a good-hearted guy I am. You don’t get to be good-hearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you become a professor of pain.

• AMC– True Grit
• Bravo– Jerry Maguire x 2
• Disney– Wizards of Waverly Place (one hour special), Fish Hooks (both premiers), Phineas and Ferb
• Discovery– Gold Rush (last week’s and Season Finale), Flying Wild
• E!– The Soup
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Connecticut @ Louisville
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Virginia Commonwealth @ Wichita State
• FX– Big Momma’s House, Big Momma’s House 2
• Oxygen– The Pacifier
• Sci Fi– Merlin (premier)
• Style– When Harry Met Sally
• TBS– 50 First Dates
• Turner Classic– The Hospital, Marty (Paddy Chayefsky night)
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon (with premier)
• Toon– Generator Rex, Clone Wars (premiers)

Ma, sooner or later, there comes a point in a man’s life when he’s gotta face some facts. And one fact I gotta face is that, whatever it is that women like, I ain’t got it.

Later-

Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn’t come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people, and that’s why woe is us that Edward George Ruddy died. Because this company is now in the hands of CCA, the Communications Corporation of America; there’s a new chairman of the board, a man called Frank Hackett, sitting in Mr. Ruddy’s office on the twentieth floor. And when the 12th largest company in the world controls the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth on this network?

• AMC– The Quick and the Dead, Dracula 2000
• Oxygen– Eight Below
• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s), Merlin (Instapeat)
• Spike– Die Another Day (Brosnan)
• TBS– The Truman Show, My Best Friend’s Wedding
• Turner Classic– Network (more Paddy)

Dave hosts David Spade, Andy Kindler, and Lukas Nelson and Promise of the Real.

It’s too late, Diana. There’s nothing left in you that I can live with. You’re one of Howard’s humanoids. If I stay with you, I’ll be destroyed. Like Howard Beale was destroyed. Like Laureen Hobbs was destroyed. Like everything you and the institution of television touch is destroyed. You’re television incarnate, Diana: Indifferent to suffering; insensitive to joy. All of life is reduced to the common rubble of banality. War, murder, death are all the same to you as bottles of beer. And the daily business of life is a corrupt comedy. You even shatter the sensations of time and space into split seconds and instant replays. You’re madness, Diana. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you. But not me. Not as long as I can feel pleasure, and pain… and love. And it’s a happy ending: Wayward husband comes to his senses, returns to his wife, with whom he has established a long and sustaining love. Heartless young woman left alone in her arctic desolation. Music up with a swell; final commercial. And here are a few scenes from next week’s show.

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Lots of premiers including the new La Femme Nikita.

I don’t understand you people! I mean all these picky little points you keep bringing up. They don’t mean nothing. You saw this kid just like I did. You’re not gonna tell me you believe that phony story about losing the knife, and that business about being at the movies. Look, you know how these people lie! It’s born in them! I mean what the heck? I don’t have to tell you. They don’t know what the truth is! And lemme tell you, they don’t need any real big reason to kill someone, either! No sir! They get drunk… oh, they’re real big drinkers, all of ’em – you know that – and bang: someone’s lyin’ in the gutter. Oh, nobody’s blaming them for it. That’s the way they are! By nature! You know what I mean? VIOLENT! Where’re you going? Human life don’t mean as much to them as it does to us! Look, they’re lushing it up and fighting all the time and if somebody gets killed, so somebody gets killed! They don’t care! Oh, sure, there are some good things about ’em, too. Look, I’m the first one to say that. I’ve known a couple who were OK, but that’s the exception, y’know what I mean? Most of ’em, it’s like they have no feelings! They can do anything! What’s goin’ on here? I’m trying to tell you… you’re makin’ a big mistake, you people! This kid is a liar! I know it. I know all about them! Listen to me! They’re no good! There’s not a one of ’em who is any good! I mean, what’s happening in here? I’m speaking my piece, and you… Listen to me. We’re… This kid on trial here… his type, well, don’t you know about them? There’s a, there’s a danger here. These people are dangerous. They’re wild. Listen to me. Listen.

I have. Now sit down and don’t open your mouth again.

• ABC Family– The Parent Trap (not the good 1961 version)
• AMC– The Shawshank Redemption x 2 (and again and again)
• Comedy– Futurama x 3
• Disney– Hannah Montana: The Movie (Billy Ray says the show destroyed his family.  Also, it sucks.), Phineas and Ferb x 2
• Discovery– Man v. Wild (premier), Out of the Wild: Venezuela (Season Premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Minnesota @ Penn State, Alabama @ LSU
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Clemson @ North Carolina State, DePaul @ Providence
• FX– Archer x 2 (with premier)
• History– Top Shot, Ax Men (this week’s)
• Lifetime– Coyote Ugly
• Sci Fi– Saw II, Saw III
• TBS– Fun with Dick & Jane (not the good 1977 version)
• Turner Classic– 12 Angry Men, Chariots of Fire
• TNT– Spurs @ Bulls, Mavs @ Suns
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)
• VH1– SNL marathon

Later-

• FX– Fantastic Four
• Sci Fi– Saw IV, Kill Theory
• Turner Classic– Room at the Top
• Toon– Eagleheart

Dave hosts Paris Hilton, Nathan Fillion, and Scissor Sisters.  Jon has Ed Gillespie (ugh), Stephen Eric Foner.  Conan hosts Martin Short, Chris Bosh, and Nicole Atkins.

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Almost solid premiers.  PBS has a Nova marathon including two of them.

Those are movies, damn you! Look at me! I’m flesh and blood, life-size, no larger! I’m not that silly God-damned hero! I never was!

• ABC Family– The Game Plan
• AMC– The Shawshank Redemption x 2 (I’m already quite tired of it)
• Bravo– Top Chef marathon (with premier)
• Disney– Phineas and Ferb x 2
• Discovery– Desert Car Kings (premier)
• E!– My Kid Is Gonna Be Famous (Series Premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Louisville @ Cincinnati; Hoopies, Nuggets @ Bucks
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Duke @ Virginia, Oklahoma State @ Texas
• Food– Worst (final four), Restaurant: Impossible (premier)
• FX– Iron Man
• National Geographic– Nazi premiers
• Oxygen– Definitely, Maybe, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
• Sci Fi– Face Off x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Turner Classic– My Favorite Year, Lawrence of Arabia (Peter O’Toole night)
• TLC– Toddlers and Tiaras (premier)
• TNT– Bones marathon
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland, Retired at 35 x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Wild @ Blackhawks

Alfredo, you needn’t wait. We shan’t need the car any more. We’re going to throw up in the park and then walk home.

Later-

Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club, we’ll be two for dinner.

You sure you want the Stork Club, Mr. Swann?

It’s been a year and a half. Surely they’ve repaired the wall of the bandstand by now.

• ESPN2– College Hoopies, St. Mary’s @ San Diego
• USA– Fairly Legal, Royal Pains (this week’s)

Dave hosts Bill Hader, Krystal Smith, and Amos Lee.  Jon has Brian Williams (ugh), Stephen Kurt Andersen.  Conan hosts Martin Lawrence, Fred Armisen, and Reggie Watts.

Women love to be intrigued. They enjoy unraveling the mystery that is man, but you must allow them the freedom to discover you.

Is that what you do?

No. I don’t have that luxury. The women who are interested in me know exactly who I am and what they want, and nine times out of ten, they get it.

That’s some curse.

You’d be surprised. You see, no matter what I do, I can never fulfill their expectations.

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Well, if you’re any kind of hip at all you’ll be liveblogging the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show with us (on USA @ 8 pm ET, Best in Show), but there’s no accounting for taste.  Otherwise you have a bunch of premiers including the next episode of V and 2 NCISes (not to be confused with R.O.U.S.es).

There are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch.

• AMC– Shawshank Redemption x 2 (again and again)
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (with premier)
• Comedy– Onion SportsDome
• Disney– WALL-E, Phineas and Ferb x 2
• Discovery– Dirty Jobs (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Mississippi State @ Kentucky, Michigan State @ Ohio State
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Texas Tech @ Missouri
• Food– Cupcake Wars (premier)
• FX– Eagle Eye, Lights Out x 3 (premier + Instapeats)
• History– Larry the Cable Guy, Top Shot (premiers)
• Oxygen– Definitely, Maybe
• Sci Fi– Face Off marathon
• Speed– Monster Jam x 2
• Spike– First Blood Part 2, Rambo
• Turner Classic– My Man Godfrey, Cimarron
• TNT– Four Brothers
• Travel– Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern marathon (with premier)
• USA– Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
• Vs.– Sabres @ Canadiens

Later-

Rehabilitated? Well, now let me see. You know, I don’t have any idea what that means.

• Turner Classic– Lilies of the Field
• TV Land– Retired at 35, Hot in Cleveland (this week’s)
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal (this week’s), Burn Notice
• VH1– Ride

Dave hosts more swimsuit models, Forest Whitaker, Joy Philbin, and Josh Groban.  Jon has January Jones, Stephen David Albright.  Conan hosts Phil McGraw and Ginnifer Goodwin.

You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.

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Back at the old stand.  Pretty solid premiers, none worth watching.  Thanks to TheMomCat for filling in with her Grammy Liveblog.  Tonight’s BIG news is the 135th Westminster Kennel Club on USA, though it looks like they’re going to crush it so you can watch the WWE with Republican Wingnut failure Linda McMahon (Update: TheMomCat says coverage continues on CNBC).

Also Pitchers and Catchers report.

I remember every detail.  The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

• ABC Family– Pretty Little Liars x 2 (premier and Instapeat), Greek (premier)
• AMC– The Shawshank Redemption x 2
• Comedy– The 40 Year Old Virgin, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia marathon
• Disney– Enchanted, Phineas and Ferb x 2
• Discovery– Sr. v. Jr. x 2
• E!– Fashion Police 2011 Grammys (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, West Virginia @ Syracuse, Kansas @ Kansas State
• ESPN2– Women’s College Basketball, Oklahoma @ Connecticut, Texas A&M @ Baylor
• FX– Big Momma’s House x 2, Big Momma’s House 2
• History– Pawn Stars and Pickers (premier)
• Lifetime– Chasing Liberty
• Sci Fi– Being Human (last week’s and new), Warehouse 13
• TBS– Family Guy night
• Turner Classic– Rachel, Rachel, Casablanca
• Toon– Adventure Time with Finn and Jake, MAD (premiers)
• Travel– Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
• TLC– The Unpoppables x 2, Cake Boss (premiers)
• TV Land– Something’s Gotta Give
• USA– Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
• Vs.– Caps @ Coyotes

You’ll excuse me, gentlemen. Your business is politics, mine is running a saloon.

Later-

Say, mister. Will you stake a fellow American to a meal?

• ESPN2– The NFL Films version of XLV
• Sci Fi– Being Human (Instapeat), Moonlight, Face Off (this week’s)
• Style– Fashion Police 2011 Grammys (Instapeat)
• Turner Classic– The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

Dave hosts Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, Tom Brokaw (ugh), and Theophilus London.  Jon has Edward Glaeser, Stephen LCD Soundsystem.  Alton does Dumplings and Wontons.  Conan hosts Justin Bieber (fresh off his loss as Best New Artist), Claire Smith, and The Black Keys.

Do you believe that stuff the old man was saying the other night at the Oso Negro about gold changin’ a man’s soul so’s he ain’t the same sort of man as he was before findin’ it?

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Now with Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show liveblogging.

I’m you substitute host for tonight’s Prime Time. So for this Sunday evening we are going to do something a little different and present a Grammy Awards Open Thread.

First a little History.

It was in 1914 in New York City the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers is established to protect the copyrighted musical compositions of its members. Better known as ASCAP, not-for-profit performance-rights organization (PRO) that protects its members’ musical copyrights by monitoring public performances of their music, whether via a broadcast or live performance, and compensating them accordingly.

ASCAP collects licensing fees from users of music created by ASCAP members, then distributes them back to its members as royalties. In effect, the arrangement is the product of a compromise: when a song is played, the user does not have to pay the copyright holder directly, nor does the music creator have to bill a radio station for use of a song.

ASCAP doesn’t have anything to do with the Grammy Awards but they are one of three organizations in the US that protect the artists’ rights. The other two are Broadcast Music Incorporated (BMI) and the Society of European Stage Authors and Composers (SESAC).

The Grammy Awards are the music industry Oscars, given by the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) of the United States to recognize outstanding achievement in the music industry. The award was established in 1958 and first telecast in November of 1959. Prior to 1971, when the awards were first televised live, they were taped as a series of specials that were presented on NBC. The 53rd Grammy Awards will take place on 13 February 2011 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles and will be broadcast on CBS, 8 PM EST (5 PM PST).

OK. Enough of that. The Nominees are:

Record Of The Year

* Nothin’ On You B.o.B Featuring Bruno Mars

* F*** You Cee Lo Green

* Empire State Of Mind Jay-Z & Alicia Keys

* Need You Now Lady Antebellum

Album Of The Year

* The Suburbs Arcade Fire

* Recovery Eminem

* Need You Now Lady Antebellum<

* The Fame Monster Lady Gaga

* Teenage Dream Katy Perry

Song Of The Year

* Beg Steal Or Borrow

* F*** You

* The House That Built Me

* Love The Way You Lie

* Need You Now

Best New Artist  

* Justin Bieber

* Drake

* Florence & The Machine

* Mumford & Sons

* Esperanza Spalding

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

* King Of Anything Sara Bareilles

* Halo (Live) Beyoncé

* Chasing Pirates Norah Jones

* Bad Romance Lady Gaga

* Teenage Dream Katy Perry

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance

* Haven’t Met You Yet Michael Bublé

* This Is It Michael Jackson

* Whataya Want From Me Adam Lambert

* Just The Way You Are Bruno Mars

* Half Of My Heart John Mayer