Tag: Prime Time

Turn Left Racing.  Hairspray (not the good 1988 version).  Austin City Limits has Pearl Jam.  Also the best movie about politics ever (and it’s not Snow White).

My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.

Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don’t have men killed.

Oh?  Who’s being naive, Kay?

• ABC Family– Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Enchanted
• AMC– The Godfather x 2
• Animal Planet– Must Love Cats, Pit Boss (premiers)
• Bravo– House marathon
• Comedy– Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year Old Virgin
• Disney– Phineas and Ferb Rollercoaster: The Musical, Fish Hooks x 2 (premiers)
• Discovery– Flying Wild marathon
• E!– Pride & Prejudice
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Pittsburgh @ Villanova
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Detroit Mercy @ Butler, Wichita State @ Northern Iowa
• Food– Cupcake Wars marathon
• FX– Step Brothers
• History– Bigfoot!
• Lifetime– Because I Said So, Nights in Rodanthe
• MTV– Baby Boy
• Nick– iCarly, True Jackson VP
• Oxygen– The Notebook x 2
• Sci Fi– Eyeborgs, Iron Invader x 2
• Spike– On Deadly Ground, Under Siege
• TBS– Get Smart
• Turner Classic– The Wizard of Oz, Gone with the Wind
• TNT– Shooter (again), Fight Club
• Toon– Hoodwinked, God, the Devil and Bob
• USA– Sex and the City, The Break-Up
• Vs.– Bullriding
• VH1– Hustle & Flow x 2, Take the Lead

Give this job to Clemenza.  I want reliable people, people who aren’t going to be carried away.  I mean, we’re not murderers, in spite of what this undertaker thinks…

Later-

I went to the Police like a good American.  These two boys were arrested and brought to trial.  The judge sentenced them to three years in prison, and suspended the sentence.  Suspended sentence!  They went free that very day.  I stood in the courtroom like a fool, and those bastards, they smiled at me.  Then I said to my wife, for Justice, we must go to The Godfather.

Bonasera, we know each other for years, but this is the first time you come to me for help.  I don’t remember the last time you invited me to your house for coffee… even though our wives are friends.

• Comedy– Employee of the Month, American Pie
• FX– Mission: Impossible 2
• Sci Fi– Triassic Attack
• Spike– Kill Switch
• TBS– Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Road Trip
• TNT– Unleashed, Rumble in the Bronx
• USA– Burn Notice x 2
• Vs.– D-League Hoopies, Wizards @ Energy

SNL– Russell Brand and Chris Brown.

Boondocks– Wingmen, The Venture Brothers– Past Tense

You never think to protect yourself with real friends.  You think it’s enough to be an American.  All right, the Police protects you, there are Courts of Law, so you don’t need a friend like me.  But now you come to me and say Don Corleone, you must give me justice.  And you don’t ask in respect or friendship.  And you don’t think to call me Godfather; instead you come to my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder…for money.

America has been good to me…

Then take the justice from the judge, the bitter with the sweet, Bonasera.  But if you come to me with your friendship, your loyalty, then your enemies become my enemies, and then, believe me, they would fear you…

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown on ABC, otherwise solid premiers.

Listen to me. What happened between Mrs. Robinson and me was nothing. It didn’t mean anything. We might just as well have been shaking hands.

• AMC– Rocky V
• Bravo– Ocean’s Thirteen x 2
• Disney– Wizards of Waverly Place, Fish Hooks, Phineas and Ferb (premiers)
• Discovery– Gold Rush (last week’s and new), Flying Wild (premier)
• E!– The Soup (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Lakers @ Knicks, Suns @ Jazz
• ESPN2– High School Hoopies, Oak Hill Academy Va @ Christ School NC
• FX– Wanted, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
• History– Top Shot (this week’s)
• Nick– Fred: The Movie
• Oxygen– Just Friends x 2
• Sci Fi– Merlin (premier)
• Style– My Girl
• TBS– Bedtime Stories x 2
• Turner Classic– The Graduate, Gumped
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon (with premier)
• TNT– Shooter, Righteous Kill
• Toon– Generator Rex (premier), Clone Wars (Third part of the Mortis Trilogy, premier)

It’s like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don’t make any sense to me. They’re being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up.

Later-

Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don’t listen to him. Remember that – do not listen.

• AMC– Cujo
• Bravo– Donnie Brasco
• Oxygen– License to Wed
• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s), Merlin (Instapeat)
• Spike– The Exorcist (the good one)
• TBS– Secondhand Lions
• Turner Classic– Pretty Woman
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland x 3
• VH1– Lemmy

Dave hosts Ed Helms, Ted Alexandro, and The Dears.  

There are no experts. You probably know as much about possession than most priests. Look, your daughter doesn’t say she’s a demon. She says she’s the devil himself. And if you’ve seen as many psychotics as I have, you’d know it’s like saying you’re Napoleon Bonaparte.

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I should mention tonight’s episode of The Ace of Cakes is the last ever.  It never quite grabbed me though I liked some of the characters (especially the wacky secretary who reminds me of Janine Melnitz) because I’m just not that into cakes.  Probably explains why I’m not a big fan of Food Network Challenge.

Pretty much all premiers.  I didn’t realize there was a new version of La Femme Nikita.

You have this belief that you are better than us. You have this belief that this country is so very good, and we are so very bad.

• ABC Family– Matilda
• AMC– Rocky IV x 2
• Animal Planet– Planet Earth marathon
• Comedy– Half a Futurama night
• Disney– Starstruck
• Discovery– Man v. Wild, Sr. v. Jr. (Season Finale repeat)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Connecticut @ St. John’s, Illinois @ Minnesota
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Florida State @ Georgia Tech, Alabama @ Vanderbilt
• Food– Ace of Cakes (Series Finale)
• FX– Archer x 2 (with premier)
• Lifetime– Disappearing Acts
• Sci Fi– Dragon Wars, Eragon
• TBS– Mean Girls
• Turner Classic– Annie Get Your Gun, An American in Paris
• TNT– Hoopies, Lakers @ Celtics, Mavs @ Nuggets
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• USA– Royal Pains x 2, Fairly Legal x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)
• VH1– SNL marathon

I am Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Later-

(E)nough about me leg. Let me tell you about the rest of me. “Up North in the Never-Never, where the land is harsh and bare, lives a mighty hunter named Mick Dundee who can dance like Fred Astaire.”

• AMC– Crocodile Dundee
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Gonzaga @ Loyola Marymount
• FX– 54
• Sci Fi– Fire & Ice
• Turner Classic– Too Young to Kiss
• Toon– Eagleheart (premier)
• USA– White Collar (this week’s)

Dave hosts Bryan Ferry.  Jon and Stephen in repeats from 2/1. Conan hosts Seth MacFarlane, Brooklyn Decker, and Dana Gould.

Well, you see, Aborigines don’t own the land.They belong to it. It’s like their mother. See those rocks? Been standing there for 600 million years. Still be there when you and I are gone. So arguing over who owns them is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on.

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Solid premiers including 3 episodes of Nova on PBS, Series Premier of Mr. Sunshine, and the Finale of Live to Dance.  The Middle, Better With You, and Blue Bloods have Valentine’s Specials.

I want Balboa! I want Balboa! You hear that, Old Man? You tell Balboa to come here! Nobody can beat me! You tell him what I said! And he’s NEXT! I’m gonna kill him! Nobody can stop me! You tell Balboa that! I’M COMING AFTER HIM! YOU TELL HIM!

• ABC Family– Legally Blonde, The Wedding Date
• AMC– Rocky III x 2
• Bravo– Top Chef (last week’s and new)
• Disney– Tinker Bell and the Great Fairy Rescue
• Discovery– Mythbusters, Sons of Guns x 2 (premiers), Desert Car Kings (premier)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Georgetown @ Syracuse, North Carolina @ Duke
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Marquette @ South Florida, Texas @ Oklahoma
• Food– Throwdown (last week’s and new), Worst (this week’s), Restaurant: Impossible (premier)
• FX– Wanted
• Oxygen– Final Destination 2 The Amityville Horror
• Sci Fi– Face Off (premier)
• TBS– Are We There Yet? x 2 (premiers with Valentine’s Special)
• Turner Classic– Come Back, Little Sheba, Cavalcade
• TLC– Toddlers and Tiaras (premier)
• TNT– Bones marathon
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland, Retired at 35 (premiers)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Canadiens @ Bruins, Freestyle Skiing (last week’s)

Well, Rock, let’s put it this way. Now, three years ago you was supernatural. You was hard and you was nasty and you had this cast-iron jaw but then the worst thing happened to you, that could happen to any fighter. You got civilized. But don’t worry kid. You know, presidents retire, horses retire, Man-o-war retired. They put him out to stud. That’s what you should’ve done, retired.

Later-

You wouldn’t be able to do these awful things to me if I weren’t still in this chair.

But you *are*, Blanche! You *are* in that chair!

• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Utah State @ Idaho
• Turner Classic– What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Dave hosts Anderson Cooper, Elton John, and Leon Russell.  Jon and Stephen in repeats from 1/31.  Conan hosts Chris Elliott, 50 Cent, and Ray Lamontagne.

(I)t’s been so long since you were out of the house I thought perhaps you had gone for a drive or something. You know I was thinking, it’s ever so long since we had a talk, you know, a real talk about the future and everything. Jane, I didn’t want you to be worried about the house, even if I do have to sell it, we’ll still be together.

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Solid premiers again.  New V and NCIS for those who care about such things.  Traffic Light is a Series Premier.

He’s all wrong for us, baby. I saw you beat that man like I never saw no man get beat before, and the man kept coming after you. Now we don’t need no man like that in our lives.

• AMC– Rocky II x 2
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (with premier)
• Comedy– Onion SportsDome (premier)
• Discovery– Dirty Jobs (last week’s and new)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Indiana at Purdue, Tennessee at Kentucky
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Cincinnati at DePaul
• Food– Cupcake Wars (premier)
• FX– Death Race (not 2000), Lights Out x 3 (premier + Instapeats)
• History– Larry the Cable Guy takes over from John Ratzenberger, New Series of Top Shot (Series Premiers)
• Lifetime– The Boy She Met Online
• Oxygen– Final Destination 2
• Sci Fi– TNG marathon
• Speed– Monster Jam x 2
• Turner Classic– Gaslight, Kramer vs. Kramer
• TLC– What Not to Wear (premier)
• Travel– Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern marathon (with premier)
• USA– White Collar x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Vs.– Sabres @ Lightning

You’re the Man. You’re number one. The Champ, the best of all time. Girls love you – Men, old people love you. Young people love you. You’re the best. You’re the Man, and he’s yours. He’s yours, he’s yours. This bum shouldn’t be in the same ring with you. I want you to show him who you are tonight. Show him who you are tonight. Stick him!

Later-

Good morning gentlemen, I am Colonel Robert Gould Shaw. I am your commanding officer. It is a great pleasure to see you all here today. It is my hope that the same courage, spirit, and honor, which has brought us together, will one day restore this Union. May God bless us all.

• AMC– Life
• FX– Two and a Half Men (Series Premier repeat)
• Oxygen– The Amityville Horror (the less good ’05 version, it’s hard to call the 1979 one good), also a repeat of Buffy which I haven’t seen on this channel before
• Turner Classic– Glory
• USA– Royal Pains, Fairly Legal (this week’s)
• VH1– What’s Love Got to Do With It

Dave hosts Adam Sandler, Chris Colfer, and Gang of Four.  Jon and Stephen are in repeats from 1/27.

Can’t I? I’m a colonel, you nasty little cuss! You think you can keep 700 Union soldiers without proper shoes because you think it’s *funny*? Now, where would that power come from?

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Solid premiers.

You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.

• ABC Family– Pretty Little Liars x 2 (premier and Instapeat), Greek (premier)
• AMC– Rocky x 2
• Comedy– The Heartbreak Kid, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia marathon
• Disney– Cars
• Discovery– Sr. v. Jr. (last week’s and Season, perhaps Series, Finale),
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Pittsburgh @ West Virginia, Missouri @ Kansas
• ESPN2– Women’s College Basketball, Duke @ North Carolina, Tennessee @ Kentucky
• Food– Triple D (premier)
• FX– Jumper x 2
• History– Pickers and Pawn Stars x 2 (premiers)
• Lifetime– In the Cut
• National Geographic– America Before Columbus x 2
• Nick– Power Rangers Samurai (Series Premier)
• Sci Fi– Being Human (last week’s and new + Instapeat), Warehouse 13
• Spike– Bangkok Dangerous
• TBS– Family Guy night
• Turner Classic– Blossoms in the Dust, Mrs. Miniver (Greer Garson, Walter Pidgeon night)
• Toon– MAD, Regular Show (premiers)
• TLC– The Unpoppables x 2 (Series Premier and new), Cake Boss x 2 (premiers)
• Travel– Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations marathon
• TV Land– Trading Places
• Vs.– Rangers @ Red Wings

Mortimer, your brother is not well. We better call an ambulance.

Fuck him! Now, you listen to me! I want trading reopened right now. Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on!. Turn those machines back on!

Later-

Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That’s the other guy’s problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series – they don’t know what pressure is. In this building, it’s either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you’re up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don’t go to college and they’ve repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?

• AMC– Money Train
• Sci Fi– Moonlight, Face Off
• Turner Classic– Madame Curie (more Greer and Walter)

Dave hosts Martin Lawrence and Steel Magnolia.  Jon and Stephen in repeats from 1/25.  Alton does chocolate x 2.  Conan hosts Jeff Bridges, Nick Swardson, and Far East Movement.

Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, “Hey, we’re losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain’t gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain’t gonna f… my wife ain’t gonna make love to me if I got no money!” So they’re panicking right now, they’re screaming “SELL! SELL!” to get out before the price keeps dropping. They’re panicking out there right now, I can feel it.

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Not so many premiers.  Shrek 3 for you Mike Myers fans.

You have some dangerous machinery for sale here; I think you’re beggin’ for trouble on this one.

• ABC Family– Toy Story, Toy Story 2
• AMC– Open Range x 2
• Animal Planet– Pit Boss (premier)
• Bravo– House marathon
• Disney– The Suite Life on Deck x 2 (all 3 parts of Twister)
• E!– William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Kentucky @ Florida
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Loyola Marymount @ St. Mary’s; High School Hoopies, Bishop Gorman (Nev.) v. Long Beach Poly (Calif.)
• Food– Challenge (premier)
• FX– The Incredible Hulk
• History– Top Shot marathon
• Lifetime– Amber’s Story, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
• Nick– Victorious, Big Time Rush, True Jackson, VP (premiers)
• Oxygen– Glee marathon
• Sci Fi– The Cursed, Husk x 2
• TBS– Mama Mia, The Bucket List
• Turner Classic– Stand and Deliver, Ghandi
• TNT– The Dark Knight x 2
• Toon– Pokémon: Zoroark: Master of Illusions, God, the Devil and Bob
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Bullriding

Most of this stuff is old crap my dad left behind.

Doc! You have a table over there with a sign that says- “Laser Death Ray Bargain Bin!”

Later-

Oh, it must be dreamy to have a costumed nemesis. Chasing you… wringing his gloved hands in concern of your every move.

You’re kidding, right?

It just seems so romantic.

• ABC Family– The Flintstones
• FX– Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• Oxygen– Josie and the Pussycats
• Sci Fi– Hallowed Ground
• TBS– The Holiday
• Turner Classic– Ali
• TNT– Fallen
• USA– The Pacifier
• Vs.– D-League Hoopies, 66ers at Legends

SNL– Dana Carvey and Linkin Park.

Boondocks– The Return of the King.  The Venture Brothers– Tag Sale, You’re IT!.

Sweetie, isn’t that the guy from Depeche Mode?

Oh, no way! Where? Holy crap, he’s with a girl?

Oh yeah, that guy is totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH-1.

But he’s the guy from Depeche Mode! It’s impossible.

Straight.

Come on! He’s in Depeche Mode!

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Almost solid premiers, must be a sweeps month.  You may find better uses for your time (unless you’re a Smallville fan.

No Fate.

• AMC– Terminator 2: Judgment Day x 2 (my personal favorite of the series, along with Aliens it makes up my action women of the 80s double feature)
• Bravo– The Green Mile x 2 (I understand some people like this movie)
• Disney– Wizards of Waverly Place, Fish Hooks (premiers), Phineas and Ferb
• Discovery– Gold Rush (last week’s and new), Flying Wild (premier)
• E!– The Soup (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Mavs @ Celtics, Jazz @ Nuggets
• FX– The Incredible Hulk, Hellboy II: The Golden Army
• National Geographic– Dog Whisperer (premier)
• Oxygen– Grease Sing-A-Long x 4
• Sci Fi– Merlin (premier)
• Style– One Fine Day
• TBS– The House Bunny x 2
• Turner Classic– The Heiress, The Bridge on the River Kwai
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon (with premier)
• TNT– Speed 2: Cruise Control
• Toon– Generator Rex (premier), Clone Wars (Part 2 of the Mortis Trilogy, premier)

You’re already dead, Silberman. Everybody dies. You know I believe it so don’t fuck with me!

Later-

The hardest thing is deciding what I should tell you and what not to. Well, anyway, I’ve got a while yet before you’re old enough to understand the tapes. They’re more for me at this point… to help get it all straight.

• AMC– The Terminator (not so good)
• Disney– Phineas and Ferb Rollercoaster: The Musical
• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s), Merlin (Instapeat)
• TBS– Spanglish
• Turner Classic– Ryan’s Daughter
• TNT– The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, D.O.A.: Dead or Alive
• TV Land– Hot in Cleveland marathon
• Vs.– Skiing, FIS Freestyle World Championships
• VH1– New Jack City

Dave hosts Justin Bieber, Martha Stewart, and Robert Plant.

The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. Because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too.

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Almost solid premiers, though the only notable one is NBC’s Community (yes, I DM, thank you for asking).

And as if to prove all I have said, here is one of the first to go! A lad who sat before me on these very benches, who gave up all to serve in the first year of the war. One of the iron youth who have made Germany invincible in the field! Look at him. Sturdy and bronze and clear-eyed! The kind of soldier every one of you should envy! Paul, lad, you must speak to them. You must tell them what it means to serve your fatherland.

• ABC Family– Good Burger
• AMC– Ghost x 2
• Animal Planet– Planet Earth marathon
• Disney– The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl
• Discovery– Survivalist Mashup (premier), Sr. v. Jr. (Forclosure, I must have missed this episode)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Michigan @ Ohio State, Notre Dame @ DePaul
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Georgia Tech @ Miami, Tennessee @ Auburn
• Food– Ace of Cakes (premier)
• FX– Archer (premier)
• History– Aliens!, Conspiracy Theories! (Season Finale premier), Swamp People (no, they actually exist)
• Lifetime– Notting Hill
• National Geographic– Naked Science
• Sci Fi– Lake Placid 2, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (again)
• TBS– The Wedding Planner
• Turner Classic– The Love Parade, All Quiet on the Western Front
• TNT– Hoopies, Heat @ Magic, Spurs @ Lakers
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• USA– Royal Pains x 2, Fairly Legal x 2 (premiers + Instapeats)

We used to think you knew. The first bombardment taught us better. It’s dirty and painful to die for your country. When it comes to dying for your country it’s better not to die at all! There are millions out there dying for their countries, and what good is it?

Later-

We’ve no use talking like this. You won’t know what I mean. Only, it’s been a long while since we enlisted out of this classroom. So long, I thought maybe the whole world had learned by this time. Only now they’re sending babies, and they won’t last a week! I shouldn’t have come on leave. Up at the front you’re alive or you’re dead and that’s all. You can’t fool anybody about that very long. And up there we know we’re lost and done for whether we’re dead or alive. Three years we’ve had of it, four years! And every day a year, and every night a century! And our bodies are earth, and our thoughts are clay, and we sleep and eat with death! And we’re done for because you *can’t* live that way and keep anything inside you! I shouldn’t have come on leave. I’ll go back tomorrow. I’ve got four days more, but I can’t stand it here! I’ll go back tomorrow! I’m sorry.

• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Gonzaga @ Portland
• FX– Date Movie
• Sci Fi– Supergator (with volcanos!)
• Turner Classic– The Big House
• Toon– Eagleheart (Series Premier)
• USA– White Collar (this week’s)

Dave hosts Howard Stern and Naughty by Nature.  Jon has Michael Mullen (more Michaels), Stephen Jane McGonigal.  Conan hosts Lisa Kudrow, Mike O’Malley, and Interpol.

I’ll tell you how it should all be done. Whenever there’s a big war comin’ on, you should rope off a big field and on the big day, you should take all the kings and their cabinets and their generals, put ’em in the center dressed in their underpants, and let ’em fight it out with clubs. The best country wins.

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Not even worth remarking on.

I don’t know if you’d be particularly interested in hearing anything about me. My life, I mean… Most of it doesn’t add up to much that I could relate as a way of life that you’d approve of… I’d like to be able to tell you why, but I don’t really… I mean, I move around a lot because things tend to get bad when I stay. And I’m looking… for auspicious beginnings, I guess… I’m trying to, you know, imagine your half of this conversation… My feeling is, that if you could talk, we probably wouldn’t be talking. That’s pretty much how it got to be before… I left… Are you all right? I don’t know what to say… Tita suggested that we try to… I don’t know. I think that she… seems to feel we’ve got… some understanding to reach… She totally denies the fact that we were never that comfortable with each other to begin with… The best that I can do, is apologize. We both know that I was never really that good at it, anyway…

I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

• ABC Family– Gone in 60 Seconds
• AMC– Exit Wounds. Demolition Man
• Bravo– Top Chef (last week’s and new)
• Disney– Sky High
• Discovery– Howe & Howe (Season Finale premier), Sons of Guns x 2, Desert Car Kings (premiers)
• ESPN– College Hoopies, Syracuse @ Connecticut, Duke @ Maryland
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Virginia Tech @ NC State, Missouri @ Oklahoma State
• Food– Throwdown, Restaurant: Impossible (premiers)
• FX– Tropic Thunder, Step Brothers
• History– Bigfoot! (premier)
• Lifetime– Reviving Ophelia
• National Geographic– Restrepo: Afghan Outpost
• Sci Fi– Face Off x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• TBS– Are We There Yet? x 2 (premiers)
• Turner Classic– Five Easy Pieces, Terms of Endearment (Heeeere’s Johnny)
• TLC– Toddlers & Tiaras (premier)
• TNT– Bones marathon
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Islanders @ Penguins

I know you like me. I know it. For the last year or two, you’ve been pretending like you hate me. I love you very much. I love you as much as I love anybody, as much as I love myself. And in a few years when I haven’t been around to be on your tail about something or irritating you, you could… remember that time that I bought you the baseball glove when you thought we were too broke. You know? Or when I read you those stories? Or when I let you goof off instead of mowing the lawn? Lots of things like that. And you’re gonna realize that you love me. And maybe you’re gonna feel badly, because you never told me. But don’t – I know that you love me. So don’t ever do that to yourself, all right?

Later-

• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Nevada @ Utah State
• Turner Classic– Easy Rider (more Jack)
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness, with premier)
• USA– Fairly Legal, Royal Pains (this week’s)
• Vs.– Skiing Freestyle World Championships
• VH1– BASEketball

The governor of Louisiana gave me this. Madame Tinkertoy’s House of Blue Lights, corner of Bourbon and Toulouse, New Orleans, Louisiana. Now, this is supposed to be the finest whorehouse in the south. These ain’t no pork chops! These are U.S. PRIME!

Dave hosts Kate Walsh, Jim Gaffigan, and Boxer Rebellion.  Jon has Matthew Perry, Stephen Sean Kelly.  Conan hosts Kobe Bryant (sexual predator) and Jamie Kilstein.

What the hell is wrong with freedom? That’s what it’s all about.

Oh, yeah, that’s right. That’s what’s it’s all about, all right. But talkin’ about it and bein’ it, that’s two different things. I mean, it’s real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don’t ever tell anybody that they’re not free, ’cause then they’re gonna get real busy killin’ and maimin’ to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they’re gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it’s gonna scare ’em.