02/26/2011 archive

It is not often that I have such a ripe opportunity to combine TeeVee, politics, the FOX “News” Network, the horribly biased Governor of Wisconsin, and my own parody songwriting skills into a post.  As a matter of fact, it has never happened before.  Please allow me to explain.

I usually do not do purely political pieces here, there, or anywhere, because so many other are much more talented than I am at it.  But I do keep an eye out for popular culture, and this opportunity just hit me in the face.  I do not have to explain how Governor Scott Walker, a Tea Party wingnut, has probably disqualified himself for holding a position of trust, but I will!  

Lots of premiers, none worth watching.  I mean, when Faux starts recycling Food Network reality shows how low can you sink?

I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

• AMC– Goodfellas x 2
• Bravo– The Green Mile x 2
• CNN– Spitzer & Co., Kathleen Parker has left the building Elvis
• Disney– Bolt, Fish Hooks (premier), Phineas and Ferb
• Discovery– Gold Rush (last week’s Season Finale and roundup/next season whore premier), Flying Wild (premier)
• E!– The Soup (premier)
• ESPN– Hoopies, Thunder @ Magic, Nuggets @ Blazers
• ESPN2– College Hoopies, Siena @ Fairfield
• FX– The Devil Wears Prada x 2
• Oxygen– The Notebook x 2
• Sci Fi– Merlin x 2 (premier + Instapeat)
• Style– Bridget Jones’ Diary
• TBS– Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Meet The Browns
• Turner Classic– On The Waterfront, From Here To Eternity
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress x 2 (premiers), DC Cupcakes x 4 (2 premiers)
• Toon– Hall of Game (Award Special), Regular Show (premier)
• VH1– SNL marathon

You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.

Later-

Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. That part is perfect for him. It’ll make him a big star. I’m gonna run him out of the movies. And let me tell you why. Johnny Fontane ruined one of Woltz International’s most valuable proteges. For three years we had her under contract, singing lessons, dancing lessons, acting lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was gonna make her a big star. And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I’m not a hard-hearted man, that it’s not all dollars and cents. She was beautiful, she was innocent, she was the greatest piece of ass I’ve ever had, and I’ve had it all over the world. And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous. Now you get the hell out of here. And you tell that gumba that if he wants to try any rough stuff that I ain’t no band leader. Yeah, I heard that story.

Thank you for the dinner and a very pleasant evening. Have your car take me to the airport. Mr Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.

• Sci Fi– Being Human (this week’s)
• Style– When Harry Met Sally
• TBS– How Stella Got Her Groove Back
• Turner Classic– Tom Jones
• TNT– A Time To Kill
• VH1– Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star

Dave hosts Matthew Morrison, Jeff Altman, and Jessica Lea Mayfield.

Let’s go to a phone booth or something, huh? Where I will unveil a fifth of whiskey, I have hidden here under my loose, flowing sports shirt.

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