Yogi Berra: “It’s Finally Over”

(7 pm. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Crossposted at Daily Kos and Docudharma

INTRODUCTION

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Rogers is happy that he didn’t rush out to make foolish purchases.

According to all of the doomsday preachers … May 21st, is the end of the world.  Or the rapture.  Good thing I waited before getting the new iPhone.

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Ed Stein reports that he missed the Rapture bus.  He sounds relieved.

Relief: World Still Here

This just in: The Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald reports that the Rapture predicted by American televangelist Harold Camping has not happened.  Camping said that the end of the world would begin today at 6pm local time in each time zone with strong earthquakes. That time has already come in Sydney, with no evidence that the end times have begun.  

I’m in Boston right now for my son’s graduation from Boston University, and I admit that I was a bit worried that all his hard work the last four years would have been in vain.  I did have some mixed feelings, because if Camping had been right, I wouldn’t have had to pay for the hotel or the rental car, which would have made up for at least some of the tuition money I paid over the years but on balance, I’m relieved.

(Mike Peters, Dayton Daily News, click link to enlarge cartoon of Friday, May. 20th, 2011 in Peters’ archives)

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I was fully ready and packed for this day.  I planned ahead and, now, seem to have everything I will ever need in the afterlife!  I think I’m good.

Neil, Phone Home! by Randy Bish, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Buy this cartoon

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JekyllnHyde’s Post-Rapture Survival Kit

1. Two tennis and squash rackets along with with some Dunlop balls.

2. A CD-ROM of Lawrence of Arabia and all Merchant-Ivory movies ever made.

3. My toothbrush.

4. My laptop minus the bin Laden porn.

5. Lots of popcorn and kettle potato chips.

6. A large supply of orange soda cream.

7. A lifetime subscription to ESPN and sports programming.

8. Thousands of books, including the greatest classics ever written.

9. My dog.

10. My cell phone.

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ps: it’s a given I’ll have access to editorial cartoons.  

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2. We Are Doomed!!!

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Englehart shares his wish list for his last day on Planet Earth.  Busy, busy, busy!

If I thought the world was coming to an end Saturday, first thing this morning, I’d go to the Bentley/Rolls Royce dealership in Greenwich across from the train station and buy one of each.  I would drive one and hook the other to the back with a tow bar.

Then, I’d drive to the liquor store and get a case of Johnny Walker Blue Scotch. I’d pick up my wife and we’d drive to New York City and rent a suite on the top floor of the Sofitel Hotel.  I’d make reservations at Sparks Steak House for lunch and Four Seasons for dinner for my entire family, who would be driven to the city in chaufered limos.  I’d buy front row seats for us all from the concierge to see “Spiderman” on Broadway.

I’d book them each a suite, too, so they could spend the night.  After the show, I’d hire professional certified babysitters for the little ones and the rest of us would go to a jazz club.  We’d stay up all night and at dawn, we go back to the hotel, wake the little ones, go to Times Square, sit on the big red bleachers and wait for Jesus.  Oh, I’d put everything on all my credit cards.

Steve Breen, San Diego Union-Tribune, Buy this cartoon

Jeff Stahler, Comics.com (Columbus Dispatch)

Blue State, Red State by Bill Schorr, Cagle Cartoons, Buy this cartoon

Judgment Day by Olle Johansson (Sweden), Buy this cartoon

Mark Streeter, Savannah Morning News, Buy this cartoon

Bad Judgment Day by Pat Bagley, Salt Lake Tribune, Buy this cartoon

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3. The Republicans Want it to End… Now

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Given their impressive list of 2012 presidential candidates, Jones tells us that the Republican Party is ready for the world to end.  Better quit while you are ahead!  The only question remains as to who’s leaving and who’s staying behind.

End Of The World As We Know it

… and I feel fine.

Harold Camping is a Christian Radio Broadcaster with actual followers (and we profile Muslims) who believe the world’s going to end Saturday, May 21 and precise too at 7:00 PM Eastern time.  I’m extremely doubtful… but hey… if I’m wrong I’ll buy you a drink.

There’s always some nut job claiming the world is coming to an end.  Many publish books on it and when it doesn’t end, they publish another book. Believe the world’s coming to an end this weekend?  I’m having a hard time believing Van Halen will release a new album this year less enough the rapture’s coming Saturday.  The Jehovah Witnesses have predicted the world would end in 1914, 1925 and 1975.  Guess what.  It didn’t happen.

Basically, the world is going to start to end.  It’s the rapture.  All you good people are going to float up to Heaven and the rest of us sinners get to stay down here and go on a looting spree with demons or something until some point in October.  I don’t wanna mess with any demons, but if there’s one between me and an authentic 1968 Gibson ES-335 in cherry red during my looting spree, then Gargoyle Boy better step aside.  I think there’s a lot of things we have to NOT look forward to in case Camping is actually correct.  No more taxes.  No more Monkees reunions.  They’ll stop making those Saw movies.  We won’t have the misfortune of ever hearing a Glee song ever again.  No more Cher comebacks.  The Dallas Cowboys will never win the Superbowl ever again (actually, that one might already be a given). No more jerks on bicycles ignoring stop signs.  I guess I won’t have to get my dog neutered.  No more Lady Gaga.  We won’t have to suffer though another insurance commercial with a stupid gecko.  I guess next week’s band practice will be cancelled.  And last but not least, we won’t have all those damn campaign commercials for the 2012 presidential election.

But just in case the world doesn’t end Saturday, when you wake up you still might wanna floss and put on clean underwear.

End of the World by Nate Beeler, Washington Examiner, Buy this cartoon

End of Days by Nik Scott (Australia), Buy this cartoon

Jeff Danziger, Yahoo Comics/New York Times Syndicate

(click link to enlarge cartoon)

Jeff Stahler, Comics.com (Columbus Dispatch)

Not Sure by David Cohen, Asheville Citizen-Times

(click link to enlarge cartoon)

Marshall Ramsey, Clarion Ledger (Jackson, MS), Buy this cartoon

Mark Streeter, Savannah Morning News, Buy this cartoon

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4. The Day After

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Lowe looks ahead to tomorrow, i.e., Sunday, May 22, 2011.  He has seen the promised land and likes what he sees around him.  It’s a world reborn.

Is anything different?  Will Harold Camping offer more predictions?  Stay tuned.

The Silver Lining to the End of the World

If you look hard enough, you can find an upside to almost anything, even the End of Days.

If Harold Camping and his disciples are right… then those of us sure to be left behind won’t have to put up with those irritating holier-than-thou types anymore. We can spend the three-hundred-odd days left to us reading Darwin’s Origin of Species and doing some good honest sinnin’ without the self-righteous legislating morality into our lives through their minions in the Republican Party.

We’ll be able to do what we want with whomever we want in our own bedrooms and marry anybody we want, regardless of the other person’s gender.  Women will have unfettered access to abortions, if they find them necessary, without the morality police prying into their personal lives. Schoolchildren in Kansas and other states will no longer be forced to listen to fairy tales in biology class.  Sex education classes will be readily available to teenagers, which will severely cut down on unwanted pregnancies.  Qurans won’t be burned or shredded.  We’ll be able to run through the entire dial on our car radios, and the complete gamut of cable channels on our TVs, without encountering a single evangelist attempting to convince us to send him money.

Since those of us remaining after the Rapture will be beyond redemption, there will be no purpose for organized religion.  Man will be — for that last blessed year — live in harmony with his brethren, free from the compulsion to either impose his particular brand of communicating with God upon his neighbors, or to kill them trying.

Yes, there’s definitely a silver lining to be found here. I’m actually looking forward to it. Bring it on, I say.

Marxists and Christians by Andy Singer, Politicalcartoons.com, Buy this cartoon

Joel Pett, McLatchy Comics/Lexington Herald-Leader

(click link to enlarge cartoon)

Doomsday 2011 by Mike Keefe, Denver Post, Buy this cartoon

Middle Class Left Behind by John Darkow, Columbia Daily Tribune, Buy this cartoon

The Rapture by Randy Bish, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Buy this cartoon

End of the World by Joe Heller, Green Bay Press-Gazette, Buy this cartoon

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8. Final Thoughts

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Finally, now that we have departed from this good earth, where did we end up in the galaxy? Does Carl Sagan know?  Alas, he took his leave way too soon.

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A Note About the Diary Poll

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Now that one of America’s greatest philosophers, Yogi Berra, has made the definitive statement tonight, what will you miss most about life on this earth and in particular, on this wonderful blog of ours?  

Share your thoughts and don’t forget to take the diary poll.

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