Have I shared my feelings about Turn Left Racing yet? Richard, my Dad, will watch anything with an engine in it but I have no use at all for Turn Left. There is nothing interesting about identical bumper cars screaming in circles for hours on end.
Except for the flaming chunks of twisted metal that type of racing is designed to produce.
If it’s your idea of a good time then you really are no better than a sadistic degenerate Roman howling for your bread and circuses.
Sadly open wheel racing in the U.S. has become more and more like it’s besotted moonshining counterpart with rigid specifications supposedly adopted to ‘showcase driver skills’ and ‘reduce team cost and enhance competitiveness’ but which are in fact crafted to produce more wrecks for the bloodthirsty crowds. I blame Tony George, owner of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, home of the Indianapolis 500, the historic showcase of United States automotive technology for this revolting development. As a side note, the last time an all U.S. engine and chassis won was in 1977. Tony is just as greedy and amoral as Bernie Ecclestone but is not nearly as smart or well connected, he’s basically a failure who owns an expensive to maintain white elephant.
In this 100th anniversary edition (95th actual race because of some dark years) we are watching the end of the Cretaceous. Turn Left’s Coca-Cola 600 (100 extra miles of slow motion boredom) has outdrawn Indy for 9 of the last 10 years (there was a rain out in 2009). This will probably be pioneering Danica Patrick’s last race at Indianapolis as she is moving full time to Turn Left because that’s where the money is. As David Newton of ESPN says, “Her absence will strip the 500 of one of the few remaining reasons to tune in to what once was the greatest show in motorsports.”
And don’t expect her to win in her finale, her ride is second rate and she qualified poorly.
There are 3 other women drivers today. Pippa Mann is suffering severe burns on the back of her hands as the result of a crash in qualifying. I suppose in the interests of full disclosure I should note that The Stars Hollow Gazette’s domain name was registered using Go Daddy.
I will also mention comb over expert, quitter, and birther conspiracist Donald Trump withdrew as pace car driver because he couldn’t spare the time for training. He is replaced by 4 time winner A.J. Foyt.
Starting Grid below.
2011 Indianapolis 500 Starting Grid
11 Rows of 3
| Grid | Driver | Team | Q-Speed |
| 1 | Alex Tagliani | Sam Schmidt Motorsports | 227.472 |
| 2 | Scott Dixon | Chip Ganassi Racing | 227.340 |
| 3 | Oriol Servia | Newman/Haas Racing | 227.168 |
| 4 | Townsend Bell | Sam Schmidt Motorsports | 226.887 |
| 5 | Will Power | Penske | 226.773 |
| 6 | Dan Wheldon | Bryan Herta Autosport | 226.490 |
| 7 | Buddy Rice | Panther Racing | 225.786 |
| 8 | Ed Carpenter | Sarah Fisher Racing | 225.121 |
| 9 | Dario Franchitti | Chip Ganassi Racing | 226.379 |
| 10 | Takuma Sato | KV Racing Technology | 225.736 |
| 11 | Vitor Meira | A.J. Foyt Enterprises | 225.590 |
| 12 | JR Hildebrand | Panther Racing | 225.579 |
| 13 | James Hinchcliffe | Newman/Haas Racing | 225.572 |
| 14 | Bertrand Baguette | RLL Racing | 225.285 |
| 15 | Davey Hamilton | Dreyer & Reinbold Racing | 225.250 |
| 16 | Helio Castroneves | Penske | 225.216 |
| 17 | John Andretti | Andretti Autosport | 224.981 |
| 18 | E.J. Viso | KV Racing Technology | 224.732 |
| 19 | Justin Wilson | Dreyer & Reinbold Racing | 224.511 |
| 20 | Jay Howard | RLL Racing | 224.483 |
| 21 | Tomas Scheckter | KV Racing Technology | 224.433 |
| 22 | Tony Kanaan | KV Racing Technology | 224.417 |
| 23 | Simona de Silvestro | HVM Racing | 224.392 |
| 24 | Paul Tracy | Dreyer & Reinbold Racing | 224.939 |
| 25 | Danica Patrick | Andretti Autosport | 224.861 |
| 26 | Ryan Briscoe | Penske | 224.639 |
| 27 | Marco Andretti | Andretti Autosport | 224.628 |
| 28 | Charlie Kimball | Chip Ganassi Racing | 224.499 |
| 29 | Graham Rahal | Chip Ganassi Racing | 224.380 |
| 30 | Alex Lloyd | Dale Coyne Racing | 223.957 |
| 31 | Pippa Mann | Conquest Racing | 223.936 |
| 32 | Ana Beatriz | Dreyer & Reinbold Racing | 223.879 |
| 33 | Ryan Hunter-Reay | Andretti Autosport | 224.691 |
66 comments
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That was incredibly boring AND uninformative.
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In memory of Paul.
I once had a friend who made the sad mistake of purchasing a Peugeot pre-owned by him.
Talk about your clapped out beaten cars.
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Ladies & Gentlemen, Start your engines
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Fucking idiots.
I’m telling you, they want crashes the sadists.
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Flying start.
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And this despite the supposed ‘cheapness’.
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Sato tags the wall, parks, and brings out a caution.
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1 Scott Dixon(leads on lap 9)
2 Alex Tagliani
3 Oriol Servia
4 Townsend Bell
5 Dan Wheldon
6 Dario Franchitti
7 Will Power
8 Ed Carpenter
9 Buddy Rice
10 John Andretti
11 Vitor Meira
12 J.R. Hildebrand
13 Bertrand Baguette
14 Takuma Sato
15 E.J. Viso
16 Tomas Scheckter
17 James Hinchcliffe
18 Tony Kanaan
19 Helio Castroneves
19 Bruno Junqueira
20 Justin Wilson
21 Graham Rahal
21 Jay Howard
22 Davey Hamilton
23 Danica Patrick
24 Ryan Briscoe
25 Paul Tracy
26 Marco Andretti
27 Ana Beatriz
28 Alex Lloyd
29 Ryan Hunter-Reay
30 Pippa Mann
31 Charlie Kimball
32 Simona De Silvestro
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1 Alex Tagliani(leads on lap 18)
2 Scott Dixon
3 Townsend Bell
4 Dan Wheldon
5 Dario Franchitti
6 Oriol Servia
7 Will Power
8 Ed Carpenter
9 Bertrand Baguette
10 Buddy Rice
11 Vitor Meira
12 J.R. Hildebrand
13 John Andretti
14 E.J. Viso
15 Tony Kanaan
16 Jay Howard
17 Takuma Sato
18 James Hinchcliffe
19 Tomas Scheckter
19 Bruno Junqueira
20 Helio Castroneves
21 Graham Rahal
22 Danica Patrick
23 Justin Wilson
24 Marco Andretti
25 Ryan Briscoe
26 Paul Tracy
27 Alex Lloyd
28 Ryan Hunter-Reay
29 Pippa Mann
30 Ana Beatriz
31 Charlie Kimball
32 Davey Hamilton
33 Simona De Silvestro
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E.J. Diso parks hard.
That’s 2 out 1 damaged.
Enough Bread and Circus for you?
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“They’ve always created drama.”
Exactly.
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Now that they’re all bunched up let’s restart again and see if we can cause more carnage!
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Online results are 10 laps behind and getting slower.
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1 Scott Dixon(leads on lap 44)
2 Alex Tagliani
3 Dario Franchitti
4 Dan Wheldon
5 Townsend Bell
6 Ed Carpenter
7 Tony Kanaan
8 Vitor Meira
9 Oriol Servia
10 Buddy Rice
11 Bertrand Baguette
12 John Andrettia
13 Helio Castroneves
14 Tomas Scheckter
15 Jay Howard
16 Graham Rahala
17 J.R. Hildebrand
18 Ryan Briscoe
19 Marco Andretti
20 Ana Beatriz
21 Danica Patrick
22 Justin Wilson
23 Alex Lloyd
24 Pippa Mann
25 Will Power
26 James Hinchcliffe
27 Ryan Hunter-Reay
28 Charlie Kimball
29 Davey Hamilton
30 Simona De Silvestro
31 E.J. Viso
32 Paul Tracy
33 Takuma Sato
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first 24 on the lead lap.
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1 Ed Carpenter(leads on lap 63)
2 Bertrand Baguette
3 J.R. Hildebrand
4 Marco Andretti
5 Oriol Servia
6 Vitor Meira
7 James Hinchcliffe
8 Will Power
9 Scott Dixon
10 Dan Wheldon
11 Alex Tagliani
12 Tomas Scheckter
13 Townsend Bell
14 Buddy Rice
15 Helio Castroneves
16 Justin Wilson
17 Tony Kanaan
18 John Andretti
19 Dario Franchitti
20 Danica Patrick
21 Ryan Briscoe
22 Charlie Kimball
23 Graham Rahal
24 Ryan Hunter-Reay
Danica running in 10th
during commercial breaks. Coll idea. All the stations should do this during sporting events
Doctor gave tutorial on how he is monitoring his blood glucase during the race. Demo must have left a few needle-phobics cringing. 😉
Servia, Dixon Andretti and Wheldon follow close behind
Patrick, Franchitti, Wheldon and Servia pits
High speed game of chicken? Or Chess? Uner caution again.
Bad weather headed their way with Tornado watch
Sevia, Rahal Dixon and Kanaan
driver is OK
Servia, Dixon, Kanaan
The top contenders are Dixon (now 1st), Rahal, Kanaan, Servia and Wheldon
but he may not have the fuel to finish Danicka in 2nd
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