May 29 2011

100th Anniversary Indianapolis 500

Have I shared my feelings about Turn Left Racing yet?  Richard, my Dad, will watch anything with an engine in it but I have no use at all for Turn Left.  There is nothing interesting about identical bumper cars screaming in circles for hours on end.

Except for the flaming chunks of twisted metal that type of racing is designed to produce.

If it’s your idea of a good time then you really are no better than a sadistic degenerate Roman howling for your bread and circuses.

Sadly open wheel racing in the U.S. has become more and more like it’s besotted moonshining counterpart with rigid specifications supposedly adopted to ‘showcase driver skills’ and ‘reduce team cost and enhance competitiveness’ but which are in fact crafted to produce more wrecks for the bloodthirsty crowds.  I blame Tony George, owner of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, home of the Indianapolis 500, the historic showcase of United States automotive technology for this revolting development.  As a side note, the last time an all U.S. engine and chassis won was in 1977.  Tony is just as greedy and amoral as Bernie Ecclestone but is not nearly as smart or well connected, he’s basically a failure who owns an expensive to maintain white elephant.

In this 100th anniversary edition (95th actual race because of some dark years) we are watching the end of the Cretaceous.  Turn Left’s Coca-Cola 600 (100 extra miles of slow motion boredom) has outdrawn Indy for 9 of the last 10 years (there was a rain out in 2009).  This will probably be pioneering Danica Patrick’s last race at Indianapolis as she is moving full time to Turn Left because that’s where the money is.  As David Newton of ESPN says, “Her absence will strip the 500 of one of the few remaining reasons to tune in to what once was the greatest show in motorsports.”

And don’t expect her to win in her finale, her ride is second rate and she qualified poorly.

There are 3 other women drivers today.  Pippa Mann is suffering severe burns on the back of her hands as the result of a crash in qualifying.  I suppose in the interests of full disclosure I should note that The Stars Hollow Gazette’s domain name was registered using Go Daddy.

I will also mention comb over expert, quitter, and birther conspiracist Donald Trump withdrew as pace car driver because he couldn’t spare the time for training.  He is replaced by 4 time winner A.J. Foyt.

Starting Grid below.

2011 Indianapolis 500 Starting Grid

11 Rows of 3

Grid Driver Team Q-Speed
1 Alex Tagliani Sam Schmidt Motorsports 227.472
2 Scott Dixon Chip Ganassi Racing 227.340
3 Oriol Servia Newman/Haas Racing 227.168
4 Townsend Bell Sam Schmidt Motorsports 226.887
5 Will Power Penske 226.773
6 Dan Wheldon Bryan Herta Autosport 226.490
7 Buddy Rice Panther Racing 225.786
8 Ed Carpenter Sarah Fisher Racing 225.121
9 Dario Franchitti Chip Ganassi Racing 226.379
10 Takuma Sato KV Racing Technology 225.736
11 Vitor Meira A.J. Foyt Enterprises 225.590
12 JR Hildebrand Panther Racing 225.579
13 James Hinchcliffe Newman/Haas Racing 225.572
14 Bertrand Baguette RLL Racing 225.285
15 Davey Hamilton Dreyer & Reinbold Racing 225.250
16 Helio Castroneves Penske 225.216
17 John Andretti Andretti Autosport 224.981
18 E.J. Viso KV Racing Technology 224.732
19 Justin Wilson Dreyer & Reinbold Racing 224.511
20 Jay Howard RLL Racing 224.483
21 Tomas Scheckter KV Racing Technology 224.433
22 Tony Kanaan KV Racing Technology 224.417
23 Simona de Silvestro HVM Racing 224.392
24 Paul Tracy Dreyer & Reinbold Racing 224.939
25 Danica Patrick Andretti Autosport 224.861
26 Ryan Briscoe Penske 224.639
27 Marco Andretti Andretti Autosport 224.628
28 Charlie Kimball Chip Ganassi Racing 224.499
29 Graham Rahal Chip Ganassi Racing 224.380
30 Alex Lloyd Dale Coyne Racing 223.957
31 Pippa Mann Conquest Racing 223.936
32 Ana Beatriz Dreyer & Reinbold Racing 223.879
33 Ryan Hunter-Reay Andretti Autosport 224.691

rustymancuso581

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  1. but fuel is a problem

  3. with Franchitti close

  8. 1.     Dan Wheldon

    2.     J.R. Hildebrand

    3.     Graham Rahal

    4.     Tony Kanaan

    5.     Oriol Servia

    6.     Scott Dixon

    7.     Bertrand Baguette

    8.     Tomas Scheckter

    9.     Marco Andretti

    10.    Danica Patrick

    11.    Ed Carpenter

    12.    Dario Franchitti

    13.    Charlie Kimball

    15.    Will Power

    16.    Vitor Meira

    17.    Justin Wilson

    18.    Helio Castroneves

    19.    Buddy Rice

    20.    Alex Lloyd

    21.    Pippa Mann

    22.    Ana Beatriz

    23.    John Andretti

    24.    Ryan Hunter-Reay

    25.    Davey Hamilton

    26.    Paul Tracy

    27.    Townsend Bell

    28.    Ryan Briscoe

    29.    Alex Tagliani

    30.    James Hinchcliffe

    31.    Jay Howard

    32.    Simona de Silvestro

    33.    E.J. Viso

    24.    Takuma Sato

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