Oct 04 2012

No Dancing XVII

I’ve never liked Creed.

Arms Wide Open

Now I have a reason.

Apparently, one of their friends met Scott Stapp (who, because I find no problem with conflation, will for the rest of the story be referred to as “Creed”) at an airport bar and the girl pretended to be interested. At the end of their conversation, he asked for her number and because she was going to Amsterdam, she gave Creed her friend’s number instead. The girl then calls her friend and warns her that Creed might be calling her sometime in the future for a hook-up.

Which he does. Friday night. He flew into Orlando and gave the girl a call. The girl, thrilled at the prospect of making Creed look like an idiot, plays along. “You should drive up to Gainesville tonight to see me!” she says. Creed, because his star has fallen quite a bit recently (if you hadn’t noticed) eagerly accepts the offer to drive 2 hours to get some pussy. I guess the groupies aren’t lining up outside the airport like they used to.

I heard through the grapevine that night that Creed had actually kicked Scott Stapp out of their band. I don’t know if this is true or not as no one on the Internet has any stories about it. But I googled him recently and found out that his solo career isn’t taking off nearly like he expected, despite being the first released single off the Passion of the Christ Songs CD– songs inspired by the movie. Mel Gibson hand picked him for a special screening, and he wrote a song after he was so personally affected by the movie. Douche.

Anyway, so the guy who was so spiritually affected by The Passion of the Christ is now hightailing it to Gainesville to tag a piece of ass he met in an airport bar. And he’s having his ghettotastic hootchie skanky Jersey girl sleaze of a sister drive him. Yes, Creed is making his sister drive him to the Gainesville Denny’s for a booty call.

So this group from the party makes it over to Denny’s, strategically choosing places all around the Denny’s so that we can watch what goes down. It’s 3am on a Friday, so of course the place is packed with drunk kids getting out of the bars, who have no idea what they’re about to be in for. Jeanine, Heather, and I all have prime seating– we’re directly next to the booth with the girl who has been talking to Creed, as well as her 5 friends who are all in on the joke and have been planning extra embarrassing things to do to him.

And the best part is watching the other people as they notice who this guy is. “Hey, that’s the Creed guy!” they all say as he walks past them. Then, 5 seconds later and as soon as he’s out of earshot: “Wait, who cares? Creed sucks!” This is seriously the reaction of every table that I hear as he walks by.

To keep him there as long as possible, groups of girls keep going over to him and flirting and trying to find out what he’s doing in Gainesville. Cast arm boy even printed out Scott Stapp’s headshot and goes over to ask him to sign it. You’d think that would be an obvious sign that he was being tricked, but apparently Creed is cocky enough to think that people regularly carry around his photograph everywhere like it’s an American Express card.

Jeanine, perfect brilliant girl she is, ran over to the juke box to see if it happened to have a Creed song on it. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Or maybe fortunately. For if “Arms Wide Open” began playing as he was running around the Denny’s, I probably would’ve soiled myself laughing.

And now as Paul Harvey says, for the rest of the story-

1. He met my friend in an airport bar IN Orlando. He was kicked out of the bar for drinking too much and later kicked off of his plane for being disorderly. He, being completely self absorbed, didn’t stop to think that the girl he met in the airport bar might, just might, have boarded a plane already. When he called my cell phone, thinking it was her, he couldn’t understand why “she” was not still in Orlando. That’s where the fun began.

2. He did not leave after being punk’d at Denny’s. It was not until the following morning did he realize he had been tricked. He made me and my friend drive him to where the girl supposedly lived to look for her (his ego was hurt THAT badly.)

3. Someone followed us from Denny’s (an ACTUAL fan of his) and Scott had him make purchase of some cocaine for him. I, thinking I could rob him, invited him back up to my apartment. His sister got a hotel room after being angry all night…apparently she was much smarter than he. All I got the chance to take was his boarding pass from his Miami to Orlando flight, some of his klonopin, three copies of checks his girlfriend had written from his account -2 for plastic surgery centers in South Florida and one for their Cingular Wireless account, and a song book he had scribbled some instrumental instructions in.

He ended up staying up all night doing coke, making up listening to his fucking HORRIBLE cd, and walking around in his underware claiming that coke makes him “so horny”.

Safety Dance

You can dance if you want to.

1 comment

  1. ek hornbeck

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