My own version of The Town:

(2 pm. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

The Town starts out the exact same way, with Claire, the good-looking bank manager, being forced to open the vault and hand over the money at gunpoint by Doug MacRay and his men while they were wearing skull masks and ninja outfits, the assistant manager gets butt-rifled to death by Jem, Claire is taken hostage, blindfolded, abducted and then let go, she and Doug meet “by chance’ in a laundromat, they begin dating, etc.  

In addition to being interested in gardening, Claire also owns a beautiful pet Moluccan cockatoo named Rhumbi, who’s very affectionate, and yet protective of her territory, as well as her owner. Claire has a way of carrying Rhumbi on her shoulder, on a harness, on sunny days, so when Claire and Doug are out on a lunch date at a Pizzeria one sunny afternoon, Claire has Rhumbi, who is very tame, harnessed, on her shoulder. Doug admires and pats Rhumbi, with no ill affects.  Rhumbi the cockatoo takes to Doug immediately. As in the original story, Claire, at one point, disappears for afew minutes, with Rhumbi, inside, to use the bathroom and freshen up. As in the original story, she comes back and finds “Jem” sitting in her seat, they make brief introductions, but, then Ohhhhh…. disaster strikes! As Jem puts his hand out to pat Rhumbi , he receives a hard bite from the cockatoo–hard enough to take part of his index finger off! Enraged, bleeding and somewhat disoriented,   Jem doesn’t know what to do, but  an off-duty Paramedic, who’s also  eating outside at the pizzeria, calls an ambulance, puts Jem’s avulsed finger back in place,  stems the bleeding with a small tourniquet/ban-aid, and then wraps Jem’s avulsed finger in a damp cloth to keep it moist.   Jem is rushed to the MGH emergency room, where his avulsed finger is re-attached by a surgeon on call. Hours later, Jem arrives from the MGH emergency room, with his injured finger in a bulky bandage, and his arm in a sling.

Fast forward to the planning of the next heist: Jem, who has to sit out the next heist that Doug and his men have planned, is totally enraged, which is obvious to Doug and his other gang. Word has quickly spread through Charlestown about Jem having had his finger bitten off by Claire’s pet Moluccan cockatoo, and almost everybody in C-Town knows about it. Back in Jem’s apartment (Doug lives above him, in the same house), Doug and Jem talk about their next heist, as usual, and Jem is enraged about the fact that he has to sit this heist out. Despite Doug’s telling Jem to smarten up, calm down and not make a big deal out of what has just happened to him, Jem is still quite furious, and his out-of-control rage keeps building.

That night, back at Old Sully’s bar, their favorite watering hole, Doug (who has sworn off alcohol and only drinks cranberry juice), Jem, Gloansy and Dez are sitting at a small table, having their usual drinks. Jem’s rage is so obvious that his friends are sitting there guffawing and giggling at him and making rather macabre jokes about Jem’s misfortune and his reaction to it, and everybody else in the bar, including the owner, and Doug’s ex-girlfriend, Krista and her friends, join in the laughter and the raw jokes, which enrages Jem all the more.

Totally enraged at being the laughing stock of the bar and the butt of everybody’s jokes, as well as his injury that he’d received from Claire’s pet cockatoo, Jem tries to start a fight with Doug, then Gloansy and then, the bar’s owner, who also happens to be there at the time. Prevented from doing so, Jem goes on a rampage and trashes the bar, really busting up the joint and doing as much damage as possible with his good hand, and his feet. The bar is a mess, with broken glass, overturned tables, and splintered chairs all over the place. Jem has even kicked the bar’s door in, and kicked a big hole in the counter, due to his fury at being the butt of ribald jokes and laughter. Then, the unthinkable happens; one of the regular local patrons of Old Sully’s bar calls the police!

Since the police are able to tie Jem with Doug, Gloansy and Dez a number of bank/armored car robberies in the area, including the heist at Claire Keesey’s bank, due to Doug’s gang’s identities being known all over town, and despite their being skillful at destroying evidence by bleaching up their crime scenes to kill all the DNA and clothing fibers, and by torching the getaway and switch vans, they are easily able to get by all that, as well as Charlestown’s Code of Silence, the police arrest Doug and his friends with ease as soon as they arrive at the scene, immediately handcuff all of them, take them to the station house down town, fingerprint them, and book them. FBi Agts. Adam Frawley and Dino Ciampa, who’ve been assigned to bring Doug and his men to their knees and stop their crime spree once and for all, are waiting at the station house for Doug and his men, where Doug and his men, under questioning, and with much reluctance, confess to all the crimes they’ve committed.

It is quite clear that, by going on a rampage and trashing Old Sully’s Bar back in Charlestown, Jem has backed himself and his gang into such a tight corner that he, Doug, Gloansy and Dez have no choice but to confess to their crimes, go on trial, and face prison sentences for the crimes that they’ve committed.   Jem’s fury is still quite high and out of control, but Doug pointedly reminds Jem that he has no choice but to take his punishment along with the others.   Jem then goes into a sullen torpor.

Shortly after the arrest and confessions of Doug and his men at the station house, Claire, who’s been involved romantically with Doug and has no idea who he is, reads about the arrest and confessions of Doug and his men of their crimes in the paper. When she sees Doug and Jem’s photos, she immediately recognizes Doug and Jem, who turn out to be part of the gang that robbed her bank at gunpoint, took her as a hostage, blindfolded and abducted her. Shocked and angry that Doug had not only committed such crimes, but had tricked her into believing that he was a normal, law-abiding, upstanding and decent citizen, when he was a professional criminal with a long record and who’d committed a string of violent crimes, Claire wisely decides to drop all association with Doug at once, rather than risk her entire future with somebody who’s not only a career criminal who had committed a string of violent crimes (i. e. armed robbery, and aggrevated assault), but who’s also the son of a jailbird (Doug’s father, who’s permanently incarcerated due to armed robbery and murder), to boot. Claire immediately seeks out FBI Agt. Frawley’s protection, advice and counseling.

After being tried and charged with their crimes (a long trial), Doug and his men are sentenced to a long, hard term at a Federal penitentiary. Jem, however, is sentenced to life imprisonment without parole for two murders; Having murdered another person a number of years before, and for the murder of Claire’s assistant bank manager, as well as for the armed robberies/kidnapping that he, Doug and the other men have committed.   Dez,  a college-educated guy with a regular fulltime job at VeriCom, with no previous criminal record, receives a suspended sentence and is put on probation for 3 years.  

Meanwhile Claire gets a job as a manager at another bank, puts her Charlestown condo on the market where it sells rather quickly, and eventually moves to a swankier condominium in the Back Bay with her pet Moluccan cockatoo, Rhumbi. She is more than happy to put everything that has happened behind her and go on with her life.



  1. Thoughts, anybody?

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