Can you pick The Onion without hovering your mouse over the links?
Not much of a challenge really, but if you just looked at the headlines you’d have an easy 50 / 50 shot at being wrong.
Bear Grylls attempting to survive London on average salary
The survival expert is filming a new Channel 4 series in which he attempts to survive equipped only with an average income and a ‘studio flat’ in Clapham.
Grylls said: “Once I’d paid my £1,300 rent and put some money on my Oyster card there was nothing left for food, so I set a snare for my neighbour’s cat and cooked it in the sink.
“Tomorrow I’ll set up some Polynesian bird traps on Clapham Common, so at least I’ll have some sparrows to put in my sandwiches.
“I need some new shoes too, so I’ll cut down a tree and hope no one notices I’m wearing crude wooden flip-flops.”
He added: “I can’t afford to do anything except stay in and worry about money, which is really depressing when you’re meant to be doing all the stuff in Time Out.”
Grylls also revealed that his SAS ‘escape and evasion’ skills had allowed him to outwit Tesco security staff while stealing toilet rolls.
Marvel Confirms Those Thor vs. Hulk Rumors Are True
Marvel can’t keep it “Loki” anymore. The studio has finally released a synopsis for the upcoming “Thor: Ragnarok,” and it turns out the rumors are true: Thor will fight The Hulk.
The summary reveals that Thor (Chris Hemsworth) will become imprisoned without his hammer and will have to race back to Asgard to save it from being destroyed by new villain Hela. The problem is that first he’s got to go through a “deadly gladiatorial contest” and face off against his buddy The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo):
In Marvel Studios’ Thor: Ragnarok, Thor is imprisoned on the other side of the universe without his mighty hammer and finds himself in a race against time to get back to Asgard to stop Ragnarok — the destruction of his homeworld and the end of Asgardian civilization — at the hands of an all-powerful new threat, the ruthless Hela. But first he must survive a deadly gladiatorial contest that pits him against his former ally and fellow Avenger — the Incredible Hulk!
The crazy thing is we actually knew about this a year ago.
Rumors that Thor would face The Hulk were circulating in January 2016, and in an interview with The Huffington Post, Chris Hemsworth told us if Thor didn’t have his hammer, he’d want the Hulk-busting suit.
“That would come in handy, wouldn’t it?” said Hemsworth.
It turns out, yeah, that would come in hella handy. …
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