First of all, I told you so-

American TV’s most awkward & painful tradition: Why politicians need to stop going on late-night talk shows

by Jack Mirkinson, Salon

Monday, Sep 21, 2015 05:58 AM EST

I, for one, wish no politician would ever darken the door of any talk show host. It would save us all a fair bit of misery. But that is a battle I shall never win, and because I am a self-loathing masochist, I’ve been watching a lot of the appearances that the 2016 crowd has been making on these shows.

The one thing that almost all of these segments-from Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump’s trips to the “Tonight” show to Jeb Bush and Bernie Sanders’ get-togethers with Stephen Colbert-is their utter pointlessness. They’re not interesting, they’re not funny, and yet if the candidates avoid them, the press will talk about how scared they are of dealing with the supposed bear pit that is the talk show circuit.

…

In a sign of the limits of Fallon’s political imagination, both sketches featured his impersonation of Trump. In one, he and Trump sit on opposite sides of a mirror as Trump “interviews” himself. How will Trump create jobs? “I just will,” the real Trump says. Hilarious! In another, Fallon-as-Trump “interviews” Clinton-as-Clinton. Sample Clinton dialogue: “America was built by people who came here, they worked their hearts out for a better life!” (She also makes fun of his hair. And she smiles!) Thank god Hillary Clinton finally got a platform to say that!

Fallon’s actual interviewing technique is just a cut above. His probing of Clinton’s email scandal lasted about 90 seconds before he moved on to selfies.

…

The one man who sailed through his talk show appearance and came out neither embarrassed nor wounded was Bernie Sanders. He came out, barked out his talking points, didn’t try to be funny, the New York crowd predictably ate it up, applause rained down, he left, done and done. Now that’s how you do it. Either everybody should act like Sanders or we should just ban the talk show appearance altogether. There are no other choices.

I don’t want to give you the impression Mirkinson was any more complimentary of Stephen’s interviews than Fallon’s because he wasn’t.  Sorry if that bothers you, my point was about Bernie’s performance, not Colbert’s, and I’ve personally never felt he was an especially good interviewer except by comparison to almost everyone else, though I will grant his preparation is always obvious.

Some people quite like the job he is doing however-

Stephen Colbert dismantles Ted Cruz’s anti-gay bigotry & tax cut fanaticism

by Sophia Tesfaye, Salon

Tuesday, Sep 22, 2015 04:47 PM EST

Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz paid a visit to Stephen Colbert’s two-week-old “Late Show” set last night and sat for a grilling over the legacy of conservative icon Ronald Reagan tougher than any question the Texas senator fielded at last week’s debate at Reagan’s presidential library.

Colbert’s Ted Cruz (calm and fair) smackdown: How “The Late Show” is triumphing with even-handed intelligence in these polarized times

by Scott Timberg, Salon

Tuesday, Sep 22, 2015 12:33 PM EST

Since his debut helming David Letterman’s old show, a few optimists predicted that Colbert – who has also recently dropped an old mask of his own – would become an important and grownup player in the discussion of politics. It’s still early, but so far he’s made good on these hopes. He’s now had Jeb Bush, Joe Biden, and Sen. Bernie Sanders on his show, and he’s demonstrated that he can speak, with a mix of seriousness and humor, to political figures better than just about anyone on television. Coming so soon after the weirdly brain-dead GOP debate on CNN, with its pandering questions, the Cruz interview served as a reminder of how valuable a part of the mix Colbert is becoming.

The Cruz interview started out conventional and light-hearted; it didn’t reveal much but allowed Colbert to connect with the jowly Texan. The highlight of the interview came when Colbert asked Cruz about the unreflective Reagan-worship in today’s GOP, which was on evidence at the debate the Reagan Library and on Cruz’s discussion of Reagan Democrats. “Reagan raised taxes, okay,” Colbert asked. “Reagan actually had an amnesty program for illegal immigrants. Neither of those things would allow Reagan to be nominated today. So to what level can you truly emulate Ronald Reagan?… Could you agree with Reagan on those two things?”

Cruz tried to squirm out, and on the issue of compromising like the Gipper had done, gave a twangy response as to why he would not “give in more to Barack Obama.” He later fell back on the usual half-truths about the miracle of the Reagan economy and his supposed shrinking of the government. (No mention of years of recession or the tripling of the deficit or the undercutting of the middle class or the way the economic cycle Reagan presided over led to the Bush I slump.)

Instead of rolling over, Colbert came right back.

…

When the two discussed gay marriage, and the audience began to boo Cruz, Colbert announced, “Guys, guys, however you feel, he’s my guest, so please don’t boo him.” You can dislike Cruz (as I do) and also think this may’ve been the most important line of the night.

Not every loose end was followed up. But the main way this interview could have been improved was to simply make it longer.

…

Colbert’s interview with Bush – which was effective not because it sparkled, but because he allowed the candidate to decisively reveal his own tone-deafness – and his ability to open Joe Biden up about the death of his son, show his real skill. Part of it comes from prodding, part of it from allowing these guys to be themselves.

Of course Timberg also calls Jon Stewart an “angry liberal” which everyone who reads these pieces knows is a laughable falsehood.  To think that Colbert’s show was more “centrist”, reasonable, and less strident than Jon’s demonstrates a profound ignorance of the content under discussion.

Tonight is The Donald who is vastly more entertaining than Cruz who even on review I think was soporific.  Thank goodness for that since his other guest is also political (and probably less interesting than last night’s snooze-Cruz) Ernest Moniz, current Secretary of Energy.  The musical guest is Raury.

The New Continuity

Timberg did like Larry’s Sanders piece.

As for Sanders, Larry Wilmore had more fun with him than Colbert did. Despite at least one great question from Colbert – why didn’t Sanders realize what an insult the term “socialist” was supposed to be? – and a joke about “messages from giant corporations to pay our bills,” Sanders offered pretty familiar stuff about Scandinavia and college costs and corporate America. Powerful, and things we need to hear, but standard stump-speech stuff. (Colbert does get points for asking about SuperPACs.)

Bernie, Bernie, Bernie

I didn’t think it was all that, but it did generate a lot of positive buzz.

Tonightly the subject is the YouTube sensation, Pizza Rat–

Our panel is Sal Vulcano, Elana Duffy, Egypt Sherrod, and Benari Poulten.

Skull and Bones.

David Cameron, a pig’s head and a secret society at Oxford University – explained

by Nadia Khomami, The Guardian

Monday 21 September 2015 09.29 EDT

What have we learned about David Cameron today?

An unofficial biography of David Cameron written by the Conservative donor Lord Ashcroft contains a series of allegations. They include that the prime minister spent time in a drug-taking environment at university, that he took part in a bizarre dinner club initiation ritual, and another claim about Cameron’s knowledge of the peer’s offshore tax status.

One specific allegation is that, in the words of the Daily Mail, Cameron took part in an initiation ceremony in which he “put a private part of his anatomy” into a dead pig’s mouth. It cites a source – a current MP – who claims to have seen photographic evidence. It allegedly took place at a notorious Oxford University drinking club, the Piers Gaveston Society.

…

What is the Piers Gaveston Society?

“Piers Gav” is highly exclusive, made up of a self-selecting group of 12 undergraduates. The men-only club, named after the alleged male lover of Edward II, king of England from 1307 to 1327, was founded in 1977 and carries the motto: “Fane non memini ne audisse unum alterum ita dilixisse.” It translates to:

Truly, none remember hearing of a man enjoying another so much.

…

What do people say about it?

Valentine Guinness, one of the founders of the society, once told the journalist Toby Young that the appearance of Piers Gav and other similar societies in the 70s “was a conscious effort to say, look, you know, the country may be in a mess but we’re still going to have a good time”.

And so they do. For its summer ball, members each invite 20 guests – preferably more women than men, who were last year given 72 hours’ notice, when they were told to turn up for a hired coach that would drive them to an undisclosed destination in the countryside. “Cross-dressing is as likely to feature as speed-laced jelly,” says the Telegraph of these parties. “The rules are simple – there are none.”

…

What’s the difference between Piers Gaveston and the Bullingdon Club?

The Bullingdon Club is the other drinking society Cameron was known to be a member of. Most of the sonorous members of the Bullingdon are old Etonians. The prime minister was one such member, as were the London mayor, Boris Johnson and the chancellor, George Osborne.

They wore a bespoke uniform of tailcoats, waistcoats and bow ties, which could cost thousands of pounds, making membership difficult for ordinary students. One MP who was once asked to join the club said he walked out of a gathering in disgust. “What it basically involved was getting drunk and standing on restaurant tables, shouting about ‘f***ing plebs’. It was all about despising poor people,” he told the Daily Mail of the scene reminiscent of film The Riot Club, based on Laura Wade’s play Posh.

So, there are a couple of reasons why otherwise sensible and well raised people do these kind of embarrassing and horrific things.

The first is that they’re so drunk, stoned, or both that it seems like a good idea at the time.

A more powerful reason is that hazing rituals are frequently used to promote what we called in my club “Bonding Experiences.”

“Hah.  Remember when we wacked Bruno and it was raining and Fat Tony slipped and fell in the grave so Vito thought it would be funny to shovel some dirt on him?  Ah, good times.”

In truth shared events increase unit cohesiveness, either in enforcing a sense of superiority and dominance or in leveling class differences between leaders and the led.

Here’s a true story.  I was visiting a local as capo di tutti and they had just succeeded in a task for which the promised reward was they could pick someone to kiss a pig.  A live one that they had somehow smuggled into the ballroom of the hotel they met at.  I was of course a “lucky” nominee and, because I understood my responsibilities as a motivator, I was fully prepared, if not very comfortable with the concept, to kiss that pig.  In this instance the local capo was the target and he very gracefully acknowledged the accomplishment of his team.

But as I said, this type of group reinforcement can easily lead to feelings of entitlement and exclusivity.  That’s why the more drastic and formalized versions practiced by many upper classes, including our own, have a tendency to get more severe as those who have had to suffer humiliation to gain admittance consider it their privilege to not only continue, but increase it.

C’mon.  Feel the Bern.

I kind of agree with the person (can’t find the link now) who finds late night candidate interviews generally appalling but admitted that Sanders did the best that could be expected.  He got on, made his points, answered a few questions, smiled, shook hands, and left.

The guests tonight are Stephen Curry and Ted Cruz with musical guest Don Henley.

The New Continuity

Debateliness

Tonightly Larry’s guest is…

Wait for it…

Bernie Sanders!

The rest of it hardly matters, but the panelists are Robin Thede, Cipha Sounds, and The Game.

First of all- Bernie!, Bernie!, Bernie!  I’m sorely tempted to bag Stephen even though the first 30 minutes will probably be the only ones worth watching (I mean Ted “I’m much less entertaining than The Donald” Cruz?) but I’m going to follow my usual practice and cover Stephen which is only once and defer Larry who will repeat.

That desk is my great-grandfather’s.  My road warrior kit is on the right, the keyboard and monitor are part of my semi-permanent installation.  In road mode it all fits in that little case between the waste basket and desk including the power supplies and cords.  My camera bag with 5 batteries and 4 32 Gb Memory cards is hanging off the leaf with the notepad.  The pen is also a smartphone stylus, Moto E, FM Antenna, 2 x 10 hr Earpieces.

This room is haunted.

Not by Chet or even by my Uncle who lived there longer than I did and eventually died there.  Those are his videos in the book case.

Nope.  I haunt it.

I painted it blue like all my rooms and there’s a wall lamp and a plug next to each window and the door (this house is older than I am and I’m 120+).  At the time I arrived the heating was central monoxide so I set up my base on an old kitchen table where the bookcase is today and used the out of sight radiator that didn’t work anyway as a shelf by laying a plank across it.

This is the view from my window.

My bed is once again where it was, the only place it really fits.  My wingback chair long lawn trashed, rattan Chesterfields instead.

I spent 3 years there, writing poetry for machines.  I’ve done a bunch of that.  It was after my career in shipping and receiving and before my turn as a pump jocky.

When I left it was business, it always is.  I said I’d be back in a month or two.  I’ve been gone over 30 years and it seems like yesterday.

There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

Well, we’ll start off with the shortest and stupidest news which is that Alexander Rossi will be the first U.S. driver to compete in many years.  He’s in a Manor however and can’t be expected to do much with that.

More involved is the story about Lotus and Renault.  Lotus has barely been rescued from bankruptcy due to the fact they’ve not been paying their taxes, about $4.25 million in the last 3 months.  Renault has offered around $150 million for a 65% share of the team.

What makes it especially interesting is that Red Bull has dropped their engine contract with Renault and inked a deal with Ferrari.  Renault has threatened all year to either buy their own team or quit entirely, this could work out for them if their pockets are deep enough since Lotus is a mid-tier team and the Renault power plant is finally showing some competitiveness.

Fans of Scuderia Marlboro, at least those who root for the marque and not just the paint job, will be happy with the extra cash.  It may hurt the factory team in terms of elevating the competition but I’m not convinced of that.

You see the thing is that Red Bull has been running Ferrari for several years on the Toro Rosso squad.  Toro Rosso means “Red Bull” in Italian and the distinguishing feature between them and the trademark team is their Maranello engine and their generally less talented drivers.  Is it really reasonable to expect the Red Bull design group, which they share, has some magic go wizardry they’ve been holding back?

And of course Red Bull (which is sponsoring 20% of the field) has equally been threatening to quit if they don’t get suddenly competitive and that kind of ruins the deal Ecclestone has crafted for Formula One to put at least 16 cars on the grid for race day.  Do you really want to be relying on Manor to keep two cars on the track?

Of course next year we have the much anticipated Haas team which would give bad Bernie (I like Sanders) some wiggle room if Christian Horner decides to pack it in, but not much.

Against that backdrop is the fact that Mercedes has had unexpected struggles in Singapore.

It’s a street track, run at night, very hot, and hard on tires.  Since August most teams have used up their yearly engine allotments (which is supposed to save them money).  Mercedes has decided to eat any penalties and ramp up their 2016 plant that did well enough at Monza.  At Marina Bay however they’ve been consistently slower than their rivals and the chassis is causing a spectacular drop in the performance of the Super Softs (Softs are the others available) when they are worn out, much more than other teams.

Hamilton and Rosberg did not qualify well and the track does not promote passing so while the media anticipated a record breaking performance Ferrari and Red Bull are in as good a position as they’ve been all season.

Not that it probably matters much in the long run.  Mercedes and Hamilton are fairly likely to keep their prospective championships provided they can keep cars on the track, everyone else is an also ran including Rosberg who is in some danger of losing #2 to Vettel.

Now on to Climate Change.

For the last week Singapore has been suffering a choking haze fueled in part by wild fires in Malaysia.  In an effort to clear the air the government has seeded the clouds in the hope that rain would reduce some of the smoke, dust, and pollution.  It’s been somewhat successful bringing Peking levels of unhealthiness down to a more tolerable Los Angeles level.

Hurray us I guess.  Makes me wonder what the heck is going to happen in Rio.

Ahoy mateys.  It be Cap’n Hank Bloodbeard hijacking your blog ag’in.  Since the establishin’ of International Talk Like a Pirate Day in 1995, the number of Pirates has increased gratifyin’ly thereby proving the success of our Pastafarian Pirate Recruitin’ Program and confirmin’ the link between increased piracy and declinin’ Global Warmin’.

But wait ye say, Global Warmin’ has gotten worse and Pastafarianism is a made up religion contrived out of equal measures of ennui, ignorance and Rum!

WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY RUM!  Oh, that’s why.

Ye scurvy dog, them be fightin’ wards.  Ye’ll walk the plank. I’ll keelhaul ye.  I’ll see your black hearted soul in Davey Jones Locker (the one ‘e shares w’ Peter Toth).

We used to worry about that too until we took up w’ a crew o’ Freshwater Pirates from the Chicago School who explained that it doesn’t matter how consistently and thoroughly wrong ye are if ye suck up to rich people enough and parrot their prejudices, beat down the po’ folk until morale improves, and kiss their ass long and hard.  Take what ye can, give nothin’ back, yo ho.

Polly want a grant?

E’en on these shores Cap’n Bloodbeard (aside from really enjoyin’ referin’ to hisself in the thard person) be known for ‘is trail of terror and carnage and really bad puns.

• 2007 DocuDharma

• 2008 DocuDharma
• 2008 Daily Kos

• 2010 The Stars Hollow Gazette

• 2011 DocuDharma
• 2011 The Stars Hollow Gazette

• 2012 DocuDharma
• 2012 The Stars Hollow Gazette

I generally celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day by telling the 3 Pirate Jokes.  There are only 3, all the others are just variations.  As Cap’n Slappy says:

Thar be only three pirate jokes in the world. The biggest one is the one that ends with someone usin’ “Arrr” in the punchline. Oh, sure, thar be plenty o’ these, but they’re all the same damn joke.

“What’s the pirate movie rated? – Arrr!” “What kind o’ socks does a pirate wear? – Arrrrgyle!” “What’s the problem with the way a pirate speaks? – Arrrrticulation!” …and so forth.

The second joke is the one wear the pirate walks into the bar with a ships wheel attached to the front o’ his trousers. The bartender asks, “What the hell is that ships wheel for?” The pirate says, “I don’t know, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

And finally. A little boy is trick or treatin’ on Halloween by himself. He is dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, “Where are your buccaneers?” The little boy responds, “On either side o’ me ‘buccan’ head!”

And there ye have it. A symposium on pirate humor that’ll last ye a lifetime – so long as life is violent and short.

If ye steer a course to the official website of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye may wish to read the FAQ, to help ye splice the mainbrace proper like.  Then ye’ll be ready to talk like a pirate.

Talking like a pirate, however, doesn’t just mean running through the hallways yelling “yarr!” at everyone. To get more in touch with one’s inner pirate, here is a short list of useful terms that may help readers throughout their day of pillaging and searching for buried treasure.

I also spend this day in Worship at Church and emulate the manners, customs, and language o’ me Pirate forbearers (I have the good fortune to be 1/4 full blooded Pirate through my Viking ancestors, indeed Viking is a verb which means ‘Pirate’) and singing some Pirate Carols.

There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

You know, it seems like only yesterday I dealt with a lot of “pragmatists” who were convinced Bernie Sanders was too much of a Democrat to succeed in being elected.  That enthusiasm and motivation could never break the stranglehold of neoliberal (conservative) policies over the fundamentally center-right United States and the only hope for change (remember that?) was incremental and instead we should embrace the suck.

I’m genuinely pleased that we have 2 candidates who have blown that tired old trope out of the water.

I don’t like The Donald, I think he’s important from the standpoint of demonstrating that the D.C. Villager consensus is universally hated, even by the Republicans it benefits.  Yes he and his supporters are horrible people for the most part (though Trump is surprisingly liberal on some issues), but what it should indicate to the Plutocrats and the Politicians that support them is that Spring is fading fast in Versailles and a long hot summer of discontent with pitchforks, torches, and the National Razor is closer than they think.  Gravity is a wonderful thing.

I hear that Bernie was on the CBS morning show and and despite the open hostility of the toady class knocked it out of the park.

I’m not surprised after the Rachel interview.

I’m fairly hopeful he gets better treatment from the Late Night franchise.  Stephen’s other guests are Lupita Nyong’o, Christopher Wheeldon, and Robert Fairchild and Leanne Cope of American in Paris.

Full show, supposedly from Trevor himself (YouTube doesn’t do much checking).

You know, in times when you’ve just seen 15 Republicans (two of whom were brown and that definitely puts them two up on Democrats) spend 5 hours talking about the scary brown (probably Mooslim you know, as if their mere brownness was not threatening enough) people to know that there is a huge problem with racism in this country.

Welcome Trevor Noah.

In truth I don’t expect a radical change.  He’s barely revamping the set, all the production people Stephen didn’t scoop up are safe in their jobs and even John Hodgeman is showing up in the promos so how radical could it be?.

I expect Stephen will puff as much wind as he can in the sail.  Jon Stewart is still the executive producer of his show and what’s not to love?  Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, if he’s smart and I see nothing to indicate otherwise, will sit back and serve popcorn without the Trump bias (yes, I know he’s fundamentally a horrible human being, are you listening the the destruction he’s bringing on the Republicans?  Classic Moby and some jerk in New Hampshire is not making me change my mind.  You don’t pick your friends or family, you pick your enemies).

I want Trevor to succeed just as much as Stephen and Larry and Samantha (forget about her new show?  Shame.) and I’m willing to give him some time to work out the kinks.  It’s a big job and somebody needs to do it.

Stephen’s other guests are far less interesting- Ban Ki-Moon, and Chris Stapleton.

Tomorrow it’s Bernie, Bernie, Bernie.  If Rachel’s interview tonight is any indication bring your checkbooks and dialing fingers.

Did I mention Bernie?

The New Continuity

Tonightly we talk debate (what else) and our panel is Rory Albanese, Joy-Ann Reid, and Tom Papa.

Is Trump too honest for the GOP? He’s actually challenging Republican fantasies – but it could spell trouble

by Simon Maloy, Salon

Thursday, Sep 17, 2015 02:45 PM EST

One thing I did notice that might end up stinging Trump is the fact that he’s a little bit too honest when it comes to certain key issue areas. The Republican Party and the conservative movement have dogmas and mythologies that they take great care to insulate from the corrosive effects of real life, particularly when it comes to economics and national security. At last night’s debate, Trump did his part to tear them down.

About halfway into the festivities, CNN moderator Jake Tapper asked Ben Carson about his Bible-inspired flat tax plan, which would have every taxpayer in America kick in ten percent of their income, regardless of what they make. Carson explained that his plan is an improvement upon our current system of progressive taxation, because the very idea of asking a wealthy person to pay a higher tax rate is “socialism,” and “that doesn’t work so well.”

Trump was given his opportunity to respond, and he correctly pointed out that progressive taxation isn’t “socialism,” but rather a matter of basic fairness: a multi-millionaire can shed ten percent of their income with little difficulty, but that’s not the case for someone living on a subsistence wage.

…

That answer was a direct challenge to many of the other candidates in the race, who have proposed plans that either completely flatten the tax code or skew it more in favor of the wealthy. So much of Republican and conservative economic policy is premised on the idea that the tax code is unfair to high earners, who need more money so that they can create jobs for normal people, and Trump said that way of thinking is indefensible.

On national security, Trump went even bigger, having the temerity to suggest that George W. Bush’s eight years of bumbling mishaps and misguided invasions are the root cause of all instability in the Middle East. “Your brother – and your brother’s administration gave us Barack Obama, because it was such a disaster, those last three months, that Abraham Lincoln couldn’t have been elected,” Trump shot at Jeb. “You know what?” Jeb said in response. “As it relates to my brother, there’s one thing I know for sure. He kept us safe.” Trump fired back: “I don’t know. You feel safe right now? I don’t feel so safe.” At that point, Scott Walker joined the conversation to defend Jeb and his brother. “It’s not because of George W. Bush; it’s because of Barack Obama,” he said to applause from the audience.

The idea that George W. Bush’s foreign policy was ultimately a success is a fiction Republicans and conservatives tell themselves in order to keep faith in the “Bush Doctrine” or the “Freedom Agenda” or whatever the hell they’re calling the “invade and/or bomb everyone everywhere” strain of foreign policy thought. For the foreign policies of Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Marco Rubio, and Lindsey Graham to make even the slightest bit of sense, you have to start from the premise that The Surge in Iraq fixed all the problems in the country after years of bloody sectarian violence and political intransigence. Then you have to convince yourself that the rise of the Islamic state and the attendant destabilization of the region are the fault of Obama for not forcing the Iraqis to agree to a residual force of few thousand U.S. troops. Trump challenged those fictions, causing the establishment candidates to huff in disagreement.

Statements like these might end up hurting him because there has to be a limit on how un-Republican the Republican primary electorate will allow a candidate to be. GOP voters and conservatives like being told that all the undocumented immigrants will be kicked out and that we’ll stick it to the Chinese. They also like being told that tax hikes are socialism and that all the problems in the Middle East are Barack Obama’s fault for surrendering to the terrorists. The worst thing that could happen to Trump is if those voters get tired of his immigration act and start paying more attention to the other things he says.

The Donald is an umitigated asshole but I think he’s very important.  He shows how fundamentally angry even Republicans are at the Beltway Neo-Lib consensus and how thin support for the tired tropes is.

If you see Stupid say Stupid.

Here’s The Ridiculous Texas Law That Allows Law Enforcement To Pretend A Digital Clock Is A Hoax Bomb

by Tim Cushing, Tech Dirt

Thu, Sep 17th 2015 10:37am

There may be some method behind the zero tolerance, racially-tinged madness of the Irving, Texas, police department. The department perp-walked fourteen-year-old Ahmed Mohamed out of school and into its welcoming arms for the crime of not building a bomb. It was a clock, but because it had wires and a circuit board and was contained in a metal case and was on school grounds and Ahmed Mohamed’s name is Ahmed Mohamed, the police decided that if it wasn’t a bomb, it was the next best thing: a “bomb hoax.”

So, after handcuffing him “for his safety” (ACTUAL QUOTE) and holding the non-bomb “as evidence” of a crime that wasn’t committed, the department has dropped all charges. It isn’t very repentant, however, despite everyone else — including the President of the United States — expressing support for the student. It still claims everything about the horrendous debacle was by the book. And, sadly enough, it probably was.

…

Mohamed didn’t pretend the clock was a bomb. Far from it. But that doesn’t matter because of subsection (2), which takes away anything involving intent and puts it all in the fearful minds of nearly any government official. “Alarm or reaction of ANY type.” How does one avoid causing an alarm or reaction in others, especially others that seem particularly easily alarmed? It’s impossible.

Mohamed’s science teacher wasn’t alarmed, but he did remark that maybe Ahmed shouldn’t show this project to anyone else. Mohamed didn’t plan to, but the clock started beeping during another class and shortly thereafter, his English teacher started panicking. (But in the controlled sort of panic where a person demands someone hand over a bomb — something no rational person would do if they actually thought the device in question was a bomb.)

Now, if we’re going to play along with this statute’s wordings, a whole lot of everyday items suddenly become much more “dangerous.” Road flares, cell phones, batteries, a box full of wires, a vibrator, a doorbell, a power inverter… basically anything someone might feel could explode or could trigger an explosion would fall under the enormous shadow this statute casts.

But if we’re going to play along with the police and the stupid law they used to defend their actions, we have to ask why several school officials — including the English teacher who reported Mohamed to them — weren’t arrested as well. After all, they very likely knew they didn’t have an actual “explosive or incendiary device” in their hands, and yet they approached the police department with claims that they did. This very definitely provoked a reaction and, at that point, the device was in the possession of school personnel. That’s subsection (2).

By claiming a bomb was on the school’s premises (when they likely knew it wasn’t a bomb — see also: no evacuation of the school, no warning sent to parents, etc.), they also violated subsection (1) of the statute.

…

Perp walking a few school officials out of the building and into squad cars would certainly teach them not to waste valuable law enforcement resources with stupid, fearful bullshit. But these actions would only be taken by a police department not so inclined to waste its own time investigating bombs that aren’t bombs and arresting students who aren’t criminals. And, as can clearly be seen, the Irving PD does not meet these standards.