TDS/TCR (Acts of War and Hacker Attacks)

Jessica Williams

Martin Freeman’s Second Fiddle

The real news and this week’s guests below.

The Daily Show

• Monday 12/15: Tim Burton
• Tuesday 12/16: Paul McCartney
• Wednesday 12/17: Anna Kendrick
• Thursday 12/18: Chris Rock

The Colbert Report

• Monday 12/15: Seth Rogen
• Tuesday 12/16: Kendrick Lamar
• Wednesday 12/17: Phil Klay
• Thursday 12/18: Grimmy

Tim Burton, is mostly known as the Director of macabre comedies and dark fantasy dramas.  He’ll be on to talk about Big Eyes, his next project, due to open ek’smas day.  It’s his first foray into biography since Ed Wood.  He’s gonna love this plot-

Seth Rogen will be on to talk about his new film, The Interview, and there’s a fair amount to talk about besides how tasteless and gratuitous the entire concept of CIA hit squads is after last week’s revelation that the Agency runs a world wide network of torture, tortured at least one innocent person to death, that 25% of those tortured were innocent, that these tortures were more brutal and depraved than they were authorized to administer, and that it lied to the Courts, the Congress, the DoJ, and the White House.

You know why we don’t put out hits on foreign leaders?  Because it makes your leaders a legitimate target.

So reprehensible as they may be, the North Korean government is justifiably outraged by this piece of crap (and I say that because Seth has never appeared in a movie that wasn’t), and has stated publicly that they will consider it’s release an act of war.

Big deal you say?  Well, maybe bigger than you think.  First of all Sony Pictures (the distributor) is frantically re-editing it to make it less offensive (as I said, with Seth Rogen in it that’s simply not possible).  Aren’t Seth’s free speech rights being violated?

No.  He’s an actor and a writer and he has been paid by Sony for any creative rights he has.  Basically, he’s just a high paid whore (and a lousy one at that).

Why would Sony want to do that?  Remember that Sony is not a U.S. corporation, they’re based in Japan.  And while you’re sitting here comfortable in the states and may consider North Korea a chickenshit backwater with a third world economy you’re just betraying your ignorance.

Remember that big nuclear bomb test that ‘supposedly’ fizzled?  I personally don’t believe Jack Shit that comes out of our ‘Intelligence’ community anymore and I’d say it’s at least a 25% chance that they have them in an abundance that while merely horrifying in the vast wastelands within our borders or those of Russia and China, could cause considerable damage to a country the size of California (Japan) with one of the highest population densities in the world (highest would be Bangladesh).

And regardless of whether that Atomic Test was a success or not, there is one thing that everybody agrees they do have.

Heaps of highly toxic and radioactive waste.  Dirty bomb anyone?

And unlike the ‘Boogeyman’ terrorists that have the U.S. government and the majority of this cowardly nation crapping their pants, they don’t even have to smuggle it in over the Rio Grand disguised as drug dealing leeches who also happen to have brown skin.

Nope, they have missiles, lots of them, which they’ve already demonstrated can fly far over Japan into the Pacific Ocean.

And they have no reason to love the Japanese who, during World War II, tortured (is it ok to say that if we’re talking about the Japanese?) in droves, turned their country into a slave labor camp, and raped their women, crimes Japan refuses to admit to this day.

Oh, but it gets better, or at least more amusing if you have a warped sense of humor like I do.

Sony Pictures has been hacked.  ‘Possibly’ by a state actor (and not some teenagers in their Mama’s basement who figured out that just about the worst pasword in the world is ‘password’).  These heinous criminals stole all of Sony’s upcoming script drafts, a trove of embarrassing e-mail, and have surely threatened to release more of it over the holidays.

Oh, and there are also personal death threats against a variety of people the government assures us.

Ha.

It must have been a ‘highly sophisticated’ state actor because we know what a sucker Kim Jong-un is for Spectre spoilers and how difficult it is to hack a password == ‘password’ and how existentially vulnerable the free world is to the publication of embarrassing e-mails that reveal that big international Entertainment/Media companies that reveal among other things systemic racism and the deliberate underpayment of women, and that they were conspiring with the MPAA and other big media companies to bribe State Attorney Generals for favorable treatment of their ludicrous Copyright claims and U.S. Congressmen and Senators for a stealth SOPA bill.

Of course as it turns out Sony has been hacked no less than 52 times over the course of 15 years.

Ha. Ha.

So obviously the solution is that we must bomb North Korea into submission, killing millions, until they deliver us Kim Jong-un’s head on a stick and otherwise appease us.

Because it’s the only way to be sure.

Ha.  Ha.  Ha.

I wish this were a joke, but it’s not really that funny.

Now Sony’s response?  That’s funny.  They hired David Boies (remember him?) to send a threatening letter to news organizations saying basically that Sony will sue if they publish any of the hacked material.

Just something to think about as you watch Seth yuck it up with Stephen.