If a President lurches into, say Main Street USA straight out of Cinderella’s Castle in Orlando (because I certainly wouldn’t like to be accused of coastalism), grabs a baby (White baby, hate that it would make a difference) from a stroller, and tears out its heart and starts eating it, still vainly pumping, while the WOFL Fox 35 News Chopper circles around doing dramatic crane shots of the spurting gore simulcast on live national TV…

Is he guilty?

Well we’re not contending it didn’t happen, my dry cleaning bills attest to that, but a sitting President can’t be investigated because it would distract him from important stuff like being a Twit on the Internet, sucking up to wannabe Nuclear Dictators like Kim and Erdogan or real ones like Putin and Xi, and stealing Brown Babies from the arms of their Mothers.

You should try that one at Thanksgiving, shut the last Republican I talked to right up.

Anyway we can agree that this is all very important and even if not these particular things it’s a possibility that the President could be too distracted by pressing events of National importance to co-ordinate a criminal defense of infanticide and cannibalism and thus be denied due process which would be a shame and beneath our dignity according to a memo by the Office of Legal Council of the Department of Justice of the United Sates of America.

A memo. By a partisan political appointee (Republican of course).

Well that certainly overrides the unanimous consent of 13 States assembled, stop living in the past.

Today was another victory for Conservatism of the type that stands athwart (another elitism, a “thwart” is a horizontal brace with an open frame that spans port to starboard as opposed to longitudinally from stem to stern or vertically from keel to deck, meaning it’s a fence rail across a boat you can sit on) history.

Only the Supreme Court can keep Trump’s tax returns hidden now
By Paul Waldman, Washington Post

When President Trump goes to court these days, he arrives with two problems. First, the fundamental position he takes is usually indefensible. Second, the specific arguments his lawyers are forced to use to justify that position are themselves not just questionable but positively ludicrous.

As a consequence, he keeps losing. A federal appeals court ruled that his accounting firm does indeed have to turn over years of his returns to the Manhattan district attorney.
…
In case it isn’t clear, Trump’s lawyers argued that if he walked out on the street and shot someone, not only couldn’t he be indicted on a charge of the murder, but the police also would not even be allowed to investigate him.

First the district court and now the appeals court have found that argument to be somewhere between laughable and horrifying, which means that Trump has only one shot left to protect his tax returns from falling into the hands of prosecutors and then possibly the public: the Supreme Court.

There’s really no telling what the court will do. While the conservative justices have long adhered to the legal principle known as “Republican presidents get to do whatever they want,” Trump’s argument for keeping his tax returns hidden — in this case and in others, in which he is keeping them from Congress — are both farcical and extremely specific to him, meaning that they’re unlikely to impact future presidents.

If you were Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., or even one of the other conservative justices, you might decide that this would be a good case to hand Trump a loss, thereby demonstrating that the court can be nonpartisan to bolster its legitimacy (which it will need when it starts nullifying half the laws the next Democratic president signs).

Those other cases concern Congress’s legal right to obtain anyone’s tax returns, but this one has a much clearer allegation of wrongdoing. The Manhattan DA is investigating Trump’s role in potential illegal activity around the payment of hush money to Trump’s (supposed) mistresses in 2016.

As you may remember, Trump’s former personal lawyer Michael Cohen, who administered those hush money payments, is now in jail for his role in that scheme (among other things). By making payments to keep those women quiet while the campaign was going on, he made what were in effect undisclosed in-kind contributions to the Trump campaign, contributions that exceeded legal limits. Trump then reimbursed him, which means he made undisclosed contributions to his own campaign. (A candidate can contribute as much as he wants to his own campaign, but the contributions must be reported.)

But that’s not the only crime Trump may have committed. To disguise their plan, Trump and Cohen set up a system in which Trump and his company made a series of monthly payments to Cohen totaling $420,000, disguised as legal fees. That means Trump almost certainly deducted them on his taxes as a business expense, which would be illegal.

I will note that one professor of tax law has a semi-serious theory that if Trump’s entire run for president was merely a plan to further his business interests, then he might be able to claim that since he paid off the women to advance his candidacy, it would be a legitimate business expense. It’s so absurd that at this point I wouldn’t be surprised to hear Trump’s lawyers toss that turd right on to the table in court.

I’m not sure if before taking office Trump was aware of the opinion from the Justice Department’s Office of Legal Counsel concerning presidential immunity from prosecution. But we have to remind ourselves of just how extraordinary it is that the president is claiming not just that he can’t be prosecuted but also that he can’t even be investigated. Though it would be amusing to think that Trump ran for president so he could have a four-year window to commit crimes, there’s every reason to believe that he committed plenty over the course of his life and never bothered worrying about whether he’d be held accountable.

The presidency brought with it a certain limited immunity, but it also brought more scrutiny than Trump probably ever imagined. To achieve the goal of keeping his tax returns hidden — something that is obviously of paramount importance to him — he’s going to have to win every one of these cases. His odds don’t look good.

That standing athwart thing? Bill Buckley’s definition. He’s planted in Evergreen Cemetery North, Parkersburg, West Virginia but he was Cove Stamford guggle to zatch, a Thurberism (he also lived in Connecticut, just like Roger Sherman).

Look, I never, ever watch Dancing With The Stars but really, REALLY? It’s not like he has a hidden talent for it, it must be the guilty pleasure at watching a penguin waddle out and knowing that at least now you won’t be the worst one.

I mean seriously, is there like a Wormhole Singularity at the end of the Faux and Fiends couch that you fall into if Not Steve Doocy wiggles his butt too much? Does that make Not Steve Doocy’s butt like Samantha Stevens’ nose?

Not to speculate would be irresponsible. Enquiring minds want to know.

Crush your enemies. Crush your enemies. And see them driven before you…

Never work an act after kids or dogs. Unless you have Gracie dancing backward in high heels.

See?

I write fluently in 7 languages.

Six of them are Computer.

Look left. Look right. Look up.

Only one of you will be graduating from the prestigious Liberty University School of Law. Better pray hard.

Wednesday

What? Yours are not like this?

Chinese or Italian?

You know, Stars Hollow is itself so remote we don’t have delivery anything except for Al’s Pancake World, or even a drive through Dunkin’ Donuts (Luke has been talking about putting in a window for years but I am reluctant to drive the Jeep through Doose’s General Store. Besides, I think he’s kidding, it’s hard to tell sometimes.).

Speaking of Stars Hollow

I try not to. Yes, exactly like this.

Too Millenial?

Yeah, we do Front Page Poetry at The Stars Hollow Gazette and don’t you forget it! Thomas Gray, 1751.

More Thoughts About Death

Bredon. Rhymes with breath, not teeth.

The Face of War

Oh, news. Don’t you know it’s the weekend? Update?

And I’m sure your question is, doesn’t Smokery Farms deliver to Stars Hollow and the answer is- of course they do, we’re cutting edge and can barely dodge the drones, however the point of delivery is the Post Office Box and Mistress already has me on her list.

I could talk about it for hours but I told you we’d run out of time Chris.

The end of Daylight Savings means little to me as I run on a mixture of Atlantic TZ, crystal meth, and passed out exhaustion in the best of times and these are not those. These are the times my Therapist wants 2 a weeks with daily light box and my family has been instructed to conceal pointy objects and make sure I’m wearing my safety helmet.

It saves the desktop from denting.

I was spared a session on Halloween which is fine because I don’t think they’re quite ready for my full bore Johnny Depp Stockton costume, especially the part where I Evel Knievel the parking lot retaining wall in reverse to check for “stress factors”.

Actually I think my Therapist would be ok because we have this kind of Arkham/Harley vibe going but I’m not sure everyone else is ready for a trip Back to the Future.

I have never been a quitter. To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as President, I must put the interest of America first. America needs a full-time President and a full-time Congress, particularly at this time with problems we face at home and abroad.

To continue to fight through the months ahead for my personal vindication would almost totally absorb the time and attention of both the President and the Congress in a period when our entire focus should be on the great issues of peace abroad and prosperity without inflation at home.

Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office.

If a spooky historical parallel continues, Biden is due for a breakdown
The Washington Post
November 1, 2019

Back then we had an unpopular president reviled by Democrats, Richard Nixon. Back then a large Democratic field was led by a bland establishment figure whose fame was that he had been nominated for vice president, Edmund Muskie. Back then, the Democratic left pushed an intellectual senator backing a program that for its time was exceedingly progressive, South Dakota’s George McGovern. Sound familiar?

The similarities continue. Back then, Nixon’s dirty tricks squad, the Plumbers, tried to dislodge Muskie from his perch. Assisted by a young Roger Stone, they finally got Muskie to famously cry in the New Hampshire snow, responding to a smear the tricksters had planted about his wife. Today, perhaps led by an aged Roger Stone, Trump’s team is taking on the famously emotional Joe Biden’s son Hunter. Can another crying-in-the-snow moment be far behind?

Even the campaign’s weird elements seem to be resurfacing. Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson falsely contended that Muskie was a user of a hallucinogenic illegal drug, ibogaine. Today, Hunter Biden has openly admitted to using ibogaine at a Tijuana treatment center. You just can’t make this stuff up.

We all know how 1972 ended up. Muskie, who had led Nixon in the polls in the summer of 1971, quickly tumbled into oblivion as McGovern surged. Biden, like Muskie, is grimly holding on but looks like he could finish as poorly as fourth in Iowa or New Hampshire as Warren seizes the McGovern mantle and wins both states. Late efforts by the establishment to stop McGovern came to naught; any attempt to push a late entrant like Michael Bloomberg or try to arrange a brokered convention so the superdelegates can choose the winner would probably splinter the party today. Ultimately, Nixon cruised to an easy reelection, painting himself as the safe alternative to the scary liberal. Democrats gnashed their teeth as Tricky Dick took the oath of office again.

Of course, back then, Democrats had the last laugh as their impeachment inquiry drove Nixon from office. Today, Democrats are unleashing the impeachment bomb early to quell the time warp’s eerie magic. Don’t be surprised, though, if this seeming treat turns into a trick as we travel back to our future.