Tag: TV

Dec 03 2010

Prime Time

Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town.  Some premiers, but basically a freaking desert.

I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don’t work.

Did you try staples?

…

You know what they say about people who treat other people bad on the way up?

Yeah, you get to treat ’em bad on the way back down too. It’s great, you get two chances to rough ’em up.

Later-

Dave in repeats (10/29).  Jon has Stacy Schiff, Stephen David Stockman.  Conan hosts Kardashians, Kevin Nealon, and Deerhunter

I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream; past the wit of man to say what dream it was. Methought I was… -man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was… -and methought I had… -man is but a patched fool if he will offer to say what methought I was and what methought I had.

Dec 02 2010

Prime Time

Broadcast?  Feh.  Not much on cable either.  You could read a book or take a nap.

If you could’ve found out what Rosebud meant, I bet that would’ve explained everything.

No, I don’t think so; no. Mr. Kane was a man who got everything he wanted and then lost it. Maybe Rosebud was something he couldn’t get, or something he lost. Anyway, it wouldn’t have explained anything… I don’t think any word can explain a man’s life. No, I guess Rosebud is just a… piece in a jigsaw puzzle… a missing piece.

Later-

Dave in repeats (11/18).  Jon has Sting, Stephen Michelle Rhee (ugh).  Conan hosts Joel McHale, Tim Gunn, and Cake.

Boondocks– Bitches to Rags.

As Charles Foster Kane who owns eighty-two thousand, six hundred and thirty-four shares of public transit – you see, I do have a general idea of my holdings – I sympathize with you. Charles Foster Kane is a scoundrel. His paper should be run out of town. A committee should be formed to boycott him. You may, if you can form such a committee, put me down for a contribution of one thousand dollars.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Dec 01 2010

Prime Time

Two Holiday classics, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Boris Karloff!) and Rudolph (Burl Ives).  Also Rockefeller Center.  Yippie!

Well, I don’t have anything to say, you’ve done the best you could. You really have, the best you could. You can’t expect to win em all. But, I want to tell you something I’ve kept to myself through these years. I was in the war myself, medical corps. I was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He could barely talk. He looked at me and said, “The odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway, I’m glad the Captain made the right decision.” The pilot’s name was George Zip.

George Zip said that?

The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”

Later-

Dave in repeats (11/4).  Jon has Susan Casey, Stephen Tom Vilsack.  Conan hosts Charles Barkley, Drew Pinsky, and Bo Burnham.

Boondocks– The Story of Gangstalicious

You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.

A hospital? What is it?

It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.

Nov 30 2010

Prime Time

Welcome back to the usual shoddy, sloppy, sleep deprived workmanship you’ve come to expect normal for a while, though you still have those annoying ek’smas specials to deal with, most of which I will ignore if possible.

Skating.

I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

Later-

Dave is repeating 11/5.  Jon has Judah Friedlander, Stephen Dan Savage.  Alton has a 2 part Loin special.  Conan has George Lopez, Chris Colfer, and Kid Cudi.

Boondocks– Home Alone.

“Corona veniat electis.” Victory shall come to the worthy. Today, democracy, liberty, and equality are words to fool the people. No nation can progress with such ideas. They stand in the way of action. Therefore, we frankly abolish them. In the future, each man will serve the interest of the State with absolute obedience. Let him who refuses beware! The rights of citizenship will be taken away from all Jews and other non-Aryans. They are inferior and therefore enemies of the state. It is the duty of all true Aryans to hate and despise them. Henceforth this nation is annexed to the Tomanian Empire, and the people of this nation will obey the laws bestowed upon us by our great leader, the Dictator of Tomania, the conqueror of Osterlich, the future Emperor of the World!

You speak.

I can’t.

You must. It’s our only hope.

Something about Casablamca always makes me want to sing-

Let’s go, children of the Fatherland (Homeland),

The day of glory has arrived!

Against us, tyranny

Has raised the bloodied banner,

Has raised the bloodied banner,

Do you hear, in the countryside,

The howling of those ferocious soldiers?

They are coming right into your arms

To slit the throats of your sons and consorts!

To arms, citizens,

Form your battalions,

Let’s march, let’s march!

That impure blood

May water our furrows!

Nov 28 2010

Holiday TV Sunday

Well, it’s that holiday time of year again when all you want is some mindless entertainment to spare you from dealing with your relatives and TV programmers screw with you by replacing all your familiar favorites with sappy specials and marathons of your least liked shows made more inpenetrable by the one line crawl of uselessness that TV Guide channel has become.

Thank goodness kindly uncle ek is here to highlight a few moments of blessed distraction as well as some of the potential pitfalls to be avoided.

I look on it as a public service.

My job is made a little easier because of a neat little network ‘day at a glance’ feature of Zap2it TV Listings.  Click on the channel name.  I’m going from my last diary to Paid Programming.  I’m putting the main meat below the fold because the table is too long for the Front Page.  It’s arranged by time and marathons (4 half hour episodes, 3 hour episodes, double features, themes, and Instapeats) may be noted earlier than you expect, but they do also include the running time so you know when they end.

Nothing like watching A Christmas Story 25 times in a row.

Today is the last day of your special 24 hour Holiday coverage.  Prime Time tomorrow as usual.  I’m rolling publishing again because it’s much easier.  Right now this covers until noon.  Expect an update.

Update: Good until 6 am.

Nov 27 2010

Holiday TV Saturday

Well, it’s that holiday time of year again when all you want is some mindless entertainment to spare you from dealing with your relatives and TV programmers screw with you by replacing all your familiar favorites with sappy specials and marathons of your least liked shows made more inpenetrable by the one line crawl of uselessness that TV Guide channel has become.

Thank goodness kindly uncle ek is here to highlight a few moments of blessed distraction as well as some of the potential pitfalls to be avoided.

I look on it as a public service.

My job is made a little easier because of a neat little network ‘day at a glance’ feature of Zap2it TV Listings.  Click on the channel name.  I’m going from my last diary to Paid Programming.  I’m putting the main meat below the fold because the table is too long for the Front Page.  It’s arranged by time and marathons (4 half hour episodes, 3 hour episodes, double features, themes, and Instapeats) may be noted earlier than you expect, but they do also include the running time so you know when they end.

Nothing like watching A Christmas Story 25 times in a row.

I’m rolling publishing again because it’s much easier.  Right now this covers until 10 am and I’m missing 10 channels.  Expect an update.

Update: Now good to 7 am with all 41 channels and you didn’t miss anything.  Tomorrow is the last edition of extended Thanksgiving coverage.

Nov 26 2010

Black Friday TV

Well, it’s that holiday time of year again when all you want is some mindless entertainment to spare you from dealing with your relatives and TV programmers screw with you by replacing all your familiar favorites with sappy specials and marathons of your least liked shows made more inpenetrable by the one line crawl of uselessness that TV Guide channel has become.

Thank goodness kindly uncle ek is here to highlight a few moments of blessed distraction as well as some of the potential pitfalls to be avoided.

I look on it as a public service.

My job is made a little easier because of a neat little network ‘day at a glance’ feature of Zap2it TV Listings.  Click on the channel name.  I’m going from my last diary to Paid Programming.  I’m putting the main meat below the fold because the table is too long for the Front Page.  It’s arranged by time and marathons (4 half hour episodes, 3 hour episodes, double features, themes, and Instapeats) may be noted earlier than you expect, but they do also include the running time so you know when they end.

Nothing like watching A Christmas Story 25 times in a row.

I’ll mention at this point a ton of research goes into these, 41 channels and nearly 150 links, not because I’m complaining but because it’s a little daunting to get them posted on deadline.  This one I’m rolling publishing because I’m still a bit tired from yesterday and I want you to have something to relax you from your early Black Friday forays.  Right now this covers until 10 am.  Expect an update before that.

Update: Now good through 7 am.

Nov 25 2010

Turkeyday TV

Well, it’s that holiday time of year again when all you want is some mindless entertainment to spare you from dealing with your relatives and TV programmers screw with you by replacing all your familiar favorites with sappy specials and marathons of your least liked shows made more inpenetrable by the one line crawl of uselessness that TV Guide channel has become.

Thank goodness kindly uncle ek is here to highlight a few moments of blessed distraction as well as some of the potential pitfalls to be avoided.

I look on it as a public service.

My job is made a little easier because of a neat little network ‘day at a glance’ feature of Zap2it TV Listings.  Click on the channel name.  I’m going midnight to Paid Programming since you might be busy with late night preparations and early morning celebrations or shopping trips.  I’m putting the main meat below the fold because the table is too long for the Front Page.  It’s arranged by time and marathons (4 half hour episodes, 3 hour episodes, double features, themes, and Instapeats) may be noted earlier than you expect, but they do also include the running time so you know when they end.

Nothing like watching A Christmas Story 25 times in a row.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nov 25 2010

Prime Time

Some premiers.  Rachel has a special- The Assassination of Dr. Tiller.

If any form of pleasure is exhibited, report to me and it will be prohibited! I’ll put my foot down, so shall it be… this is the land of the free! The last man nearly ruined this place he didn’t know what to do with it. If you think this country’s bad off now, just wait till I get through with it! The country’s taxes must be fixed, and I know what to do with it. If you think you’re paying too much now, just wait till I get through with it!

I’d be unworthy of the high trust that’s been placed in me if I didn’t do everything in my power to keep our beloved Freedonia in peace with the world. I’d be only too happy to meet with Ambassador Trentino, and offer him on behalf of my country the right hand of good fellowship. And I feel sure he will accept this gesture in the spirit of which it is offered. But suppose he doesn’t. A fine thing that’ll be. I hold out my hand and he refuses to accept. That’ll add a lot to my prestige, won’t it? Me, the head of a country, snubbed by a foreign ambassador. Who does he think he is, that he can come here, and make a sap of me in front of all my people? Think of it – I hold out my hand and that hyena refuses to accept. Why, the cheap four-flushing swine, he’ll never get away with it I tell you, he’ll never get away with it.

Later-

Dave hosts Salvatore Giunta and Sahara Smith (get a wiki page!).  Jon and Stephen in repeats, 11/9, 11/16.  Conan hosts Eva Mendes, Bob Saget, and Neon Trees.

Boondocks– The S Word.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

Monday we watch-a Firefly’s house, but he no come he wasn’t home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday HE go to the ball game, but we fool him, WE no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.

You’re a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you’re out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we’ll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.

Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings

Nov 24 2010

Prime Time

Your last chance to vote against Bristol.  Mostly premiers.

To begin with, this case should never have come to trial. The state has not produced one iota of medical evidence that the crime Tom Robinson is charged with ever took place… It has relied instead upon the testimony of two witnesses, whose evidence has not only been called into serious question on cross-examination, but has been flatly contradicted by the defendant. Now, there is circumstantial evidence to indicate that Mayella Ewel was beaten – savagely, by someone who led exclusively with his left. And Tom Robinson now sits before you having taken the oath with the only good hand he possesses… his RIGHT. I have nothing but pity in my heart for the chief witness for the State. She is the victim of cruel poverty and ignorance. But my pity does not extend so far as to her putting a man’s life at stake, which she has done in an effort to get rid of her own guilt. Now I say “guilt,” gentlemen, because it was guilt that motivated her. She’s committed no crime – she has merely broken a rigid and time-honored code of our society, a code so severe that whoever breaks it is hounded from our midst as unfit to live with. She must destroy the evidence of her offense. But what was the evidence of her offense? Tom Robinson, a human being. She must put Tom Robinson away from her. Tom Robinson was to her a daily reminder of what she did. Now, what did she do? She tempted a Negro. She was white, and she tempted a Negro. She did something that, in our society, is unspeakable. She kissed a black man. Not an old uncle, but a strong, young Negro man. No code mattered to her before she broke it, but it came crashing down on her afterwards. The witnesses for the State, with the exception of the sheriff of Maycomb County have presented themselves to you gentlemen, to this court in the cynical confidence that their testimony would not be doubted, confident that you gentlemen would go along with them on the assumption… the evil assumption that all Negroes lie, all Negroes are basically immoral beings, all Negro men are not to be trusted around our women. An assumption that one associates with minds of their caliber, and which is, in itself, gentlemen, a lie, which I do not need to point out to you. And so, a quiet, humble, respectable Negro, who has had the unmitigated TEMERITY to feel sorry for a white woman, has had to put his word against TWO white people’s! The defendant is not guilty – but somebody in this courtroom is. Now, gentlemen, in this country, our courts are the great levelers. In our courts, all men are created equal. I’m no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system – that’s no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality! Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review, without passion, the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision and restore this man to his family. In the name of GOD, do your duty. In the name of God, believe… Tom Robinson.

Later-

Dave hosts Jerry Seinfeld and Colin Firth.  Jon and Stephen in repeats, 11/17 and 11/9.  Conan hosts Christina Applegate, Patton Oswalt, and Maroon5.

Boondocks– The Invasion of the Katrinas

The 11 Commandments–

  1. Inertia shall prevail.
  2. Nothing is sacred.
  3. Hate thy neighbor.
  4. No good ever comes from helping one’s fellow man.
  5. Worship a higher power.
  6. Look to the past for inspiration.
  7. Death be not bad.
  8. Work hard at not working.
  9. No reason is too trivial for ending a relationship.
  10. A short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man can be a chick magnet.
  11. The craziest person is the sanest of all.

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