Tag: TV

Well, it’s a holiday weekend again and unless you’re as busy as you should be with friends and family you need me now more than ever.  It’s a public service.

Not enough College Throwball?  LSU @ North Carolina.

• Spike– Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith
• Animal– Pit Boss marathon
• AMC– Maverick (Jodie Foster and James Garner)
• Comedy– New Season Futurama marathon (Hmm, something worth watching, maybe things are not as bad as I thought)
• ESPN– More Throwball, Oregon State @ TCU
• E!– Jerry Maguire (Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding Jr.)
• ABC Family– The Parent Trap (Lindsay Lohan, hah!), Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the Gene Wilder version)
• Food– Chopped marathon
• FX– The Simpsons Movie (Doh!)
• History– Doom and gloom, First Apocalypse and Next Nostradamus.
• Lifetime– Never Been Kissed
• SciFi– Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’ (some people like it, I don’t understand why)
• TBS– Titanic (again, a strong candidate for most over rated film ever)
• Turner Classic– Cougar night, The Graduate, A Cold Wind in August (Condemned by the Legion of Decency)
• Toon– Garfield: The Movie (I don’t even like Garfield: The Comic Strip)
• Travel– Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern marathon
• USA– Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2
• Disney– Camp Rock 2 ([did I not say ] they would repeat it all weekend?)
• Bravo– House marathon
• Vs.– Indy Kentucky 300 (American open wheel racing, such as it is)

Later-

• Spike– No Country for Old Men
• AMC– Inside Man (a Spike Lee joint)
• ABC Family– Can’t Buy Me Love
• SciFi– Stephen King’s ‘Desperation’
• TBS– Two Weeks Notice
• Turner Classic– Summer of ’42 (did I mention Cougar night?)
• USA– Blonde (again)

Boondocks goes daily next week, you owe yourself.  Tonight’s episodes are Home Alone and The Red Ball.  Early InuYasha (in every sense) means Adult Swim is going for the late night pervert crowd rather than your early morning perverts.  GitS SAC Missing Hearts and Chat! Chat! Chat! are episodes 7 and 8.

It’s like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don’t make any sense to me. They’re being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up.

Zap2it TV Listings,  Yahoo TV Listings

Well, Yahoo TV Listings is apparently working again, but I’m sticking with Zap2it until I’m sure.

It turns out that it’s good news that only the one Keith and Rachel will distract your attention tonight because unless you’re all into the Jonas Brothers Camp Rock 2 World Premier (which you’ll see in endless repeats this weekend) there’s not a lot of stellar choices.

At least MSNBC seems to be steering clear of Arpaio now that he’s being sued by the Feds for not turning over documents.

• AMC– McLintock! (Marion)
• Bravo– The 40-Year-Old Virgin x 2
• Discovery– Man, Woman, Wild (last week’s and new), Beyond Survival With Les Stroud (premier)
• ESPN– Arizona @ Toledo Throwball
• Food– Chopped Champions (this week’s)
• FX– The Bourne Identity
• Oxygen– A Cinderella Story x 2
• SciFi– Stephen King’s The Tommyknockers (have I mentioned I don’t like Stephen King much?)
• Style– Cocktail
• TBS– Titanic (never seen it and don’t intend to)
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon
• TNT– Saving Private Ryan
• USA– White Collar marathon

Later-

• AMC– The Cowboys (more Marion)
• FX– Rescue Me (Season Finale repeat), Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
• SciFi– Haven marathon
• TNT– The Outlaw Josey Wales

Dave is in repeats.  No Alton at all.  At least we have Pinstripes & Poltergeists (new Venture Brothers start on the 12th).

To me the standout is Josey Wales, one of Clint Eastwood’s best.  I’ll finish with some quotes-

There’s another old saying, Senator: Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.

We thought about it for a long time, “Endeavor to persevere.” And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.

It’s sad that governments are chiefed by the double tongues. There is iron in your words of death for all Comanche to see, and so there is iron in your words of life. No signed paper can hold the iron. It must come from men. The words of Ten Bears carries the same iron of life and death. It is good that warriors such as we meet in the struggle of life… or death.

Day 2 of Zap2it.  I had a longer edition, but it got flushed during my power outage.  Last chance this week for all Keith and Rachel all night long.

College Throwball, some halfway decent movies, and premiers.

• AMC– Troy (watch out for those Golden Apples)
• Comedy– Futurama (last week’s, new, and The Devil’s Hands are Idle Playthings– the original series finale)
• Disney– Camp Rock (Jonas Brothers, but a prelude to tomorrow’s World Premier of Camp Rock 2)
• E!– Bring It On: All or Nothing
• ESPN– Southern Mississippi @ South Carolina
• Food– Extreme Cuisine With Jeff Corwin (Jellied Eel, yum), Ace of Cakes, Family Style (all premiers)
• FX– Final Destination, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
• Lifetime– Project Runway (premier)
• History– The Universe (Asteroid Attack, premier)
• SciFi– Stephen King’s The Langoliers (everything I hate about Stephen King and poorly acted too)
• Turner Classic– Once Upon a Time in the West (Henry being bad)
• TLC– Sr. v. Jr. (last week’s and new), BBQ Pitmasters (premier)
• TNT– Sahara
• Toon– Monday premier repeat.
• Vs.– Pittsburgh @ Utah
• VH1– Road House (for Swayze fans)

Later-

• AMC– Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• ESPN– USC at Hawaii (nice work if you can get it)
• FX– Final Destination (again)
• SciFi– WCG Ultimate Gamer (premier)
• Turner Classic– High Plains Drifter, The Count of Monte Cristo
• USA– House (very first episode)

Dave hosts Will Arnett, Tommy Johnagin, and Karen Elson.  Alton does Sushi (if you knew her like I knew her).  The Better Man, Dr. Orpheus’ back story and Triana dumps Dean.

Well, I’m trying a new TV Listing service tonight, Zap2It.  For some odd reason it turns up fine under XP Google and hardly at all under the customized Ubuntu default Google.

Country music.  Despise it and only listen to be polite when I have to.  Tonight is not one of those times.

• Bravo– Top Chef (premier)
• Discovery– Man v. Wild (premier)
• ESPN– Athletics @ Yankees
• Turner Classic– Picnic, Jeanne Eagels (Kim Novack night)
• Travel– Man v. Food
• FX– In Bruges x 2
• USA– Psych (premier)

Well, one thing it doesn’t do is improve the choices.

Later-

• AMC– Rubicon (this week’s)
• Turner Classic– Pal Joey
• USA– Burn Notice and Royal Pains (this week’s), Psych (repeat)

Dave hosts Donald Trump, Michelle Beadle, and Jukebox the Ghost.  Alton does more casserole, this time Green Bean.  Self-Medication.

Well, the good news is that tonight’s speech means we won’t have to deal with lying Lawrence O’Donnell.  The bad news is that unless you get Speed so you can watch Monster Truck Jam there’s just not a lot of alternate programming to pick and choose from.

Frankly, as bad a night of TV as I can remember.

• AMC– The Mummy
• Food– Chopped Champions (Playoff Premier)
• FX– Rescue Me (Season Finale)
• Turner Classic– A Fistful of Dollars, The Bridges of Madison County (Clint Eastwood night)
• Toon– Unnatural History (premier)
• USA– Burn Notice (repeat of the Season 3 Opener), Covert Affairs (premier)
• SciFi– Warehouse 13 (last week’s and new)
• ESPN– World Series of Poker (premier)
• ABC Family– Melissa & Joey
• Discovery– Swords: Life on the Line (premier)

Later-

• SciFi– Haven (repeat of this week’s)

Dave hosts Michael Douglas and Merle Haggard.  Michael will no doubt be whoring his sequel, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.  Jon and Stephen are in repeats until next Tuesday despite TV Guide’s lying listing (and Yahoo is worse than ever, almost unusable).

Alton does casseroles.  The Revenge Society is another Venture Brothers episode that really advances the story arc.  If you can stay up late enough I highly recommend it.

No more prison documentaries.  Yahoo TV Listings is really bad at the moment, so a very short list.

I want you to know that I’ve been Captain of this ship for 22 years.

22 years, eh? If you were a man, you’d go in business for yourself. I know a fellow started only last year with just a canoe. Now he’s got more women than you could shake a stick at, if that’s your idea of a good time.

• Spike– Platoon
• AMC– For Love of the Game
• ESPN– Mets @ Braves
• FX– X-Men: The Last Stand
• History– Pawn Stars, American Pickers
• Oxygen– Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous x 2
• TBS– Family Guy night
• Toon– Monday premiers- Adventure Time With Finn & Jake, Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Total Drama World Tour, and Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated
• Turner Classic– Monkey Business, Horse Feathers

Hey, what’s-a matter, you no understand English? You can’t come in here unless you say, “Swordfish.” Now I’ll give you one more guess.

…swordfish, swordfish… I think I got it. Is it “swordfish”?

Hah. That’s-a it. You guess it.

Pretty good, eh?

Later-

• AMC– Caddyshack
• FX– Lost In Space

Alton does whole fish.  Return to Malice.

Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out… You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean… You know who that guy was Danny?

No.

Take one good guess.

Bob Hope?

Ha ha… No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

TV Guide Network is broadcasting Weeds?!  “A pot-dealing suburban widow (Mary-Louise Parker) deals with her 15-year-old son and his girlfriend, who want to have sex, and a competing pusher”?

Curb Your Enthusiasm, it still doesn’t make up for your suck at being A TV GUIDE!  Assholes.

Oh, and there are Emmys and Throwball (Steelers @ Broncos) if you care about such things.

• AMC– Pearl Harbor (another crap history movie like Midway and Battle of the Bulge), Rubicon, Mad Men (premiers)
• CNBC– Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (real history about our real thieving capitalist class)
• ESPN– BoSox @ Devil Rays
• ABC Family– The Princess Diaries, Miss Congeniality
• FX– 27 Dresses
• Nick– Back to the Future Part III
• SciFi– Supernova (Parts 1 & 2, if you don’t get enough doom and gloom from Discovery Channel)
• TBS– School of Rock
• Turner Classic– Henry Fonda night, Young Mr. Lincoln, 12 Angry Men
• TNT– Disturbia x 2 (not Alfred Hitchcock)
• Discovery– Man v. Wild (repeat), Last Day of the Dinosaurs, Bad Universe: Asteroid Strike (premiers)
• Food– Challenge, Truck Race, Iron Chef America (all premiers)
• History– New Ice Road Truckers, Swamp People
• Toon– Delocated (premier), Childrens Hospital

Marty, the future isn’t written. It can be changed, you know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. I can’t let this one little photograph determine my entire destiny. I have to live my life according to what I believe is right in my heart.

Later-

Later.

Well, there is Throwball, Boys @ Texans, root for the Texans.  Giants @ Ravens, Go Blue.  I suggest High School Throwball if you must, Madison v. Steele.

• AMC– The Horse Soldiers, The Wings of Eagles (Marion)
• E!– Coyote Ugly
• ABC Family– Love & Basketball, Remember the Titans
• Food– Iron Chef America marathon
• FX– Maid night, Made of Honor, Maid in Manhattan (much better)
• Oxygen– Music and Lyrics, Monster-in-Law
• Nick– Back to the Future Part II (maybe I didn’t miss it after all, maybe they just have problems with numbers.  There are too many of them.)
• SciFi– Meteor Apocalypse! (in case you’re not getting enough from the History Channel.  Now with that Steel Drum Apocalypso beat)
• TBS– Rush Hour 3 (you spent way too much on that really creative title)
• TNT– You’ve been Gumped.  Pre-Taint Jumbo Shrimp.
• Disney– Some Phineas and Ferb

Turner Classic has Lawrence of Arabia.  TheMomCat keeps telling me that if you want to understand Arabia you need to read The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

Later-

• Turner Classic– The Ruling Class (really a much better Peter O’Toole movie if you ask me, but it doesn’t have Omar Sharif)
• TNT– A Perfect Murder (not Hitchcock)
• USA– License to Wed
• TBS– Jerry Maguire (well, it has Renee Zellweger in it too)
• Spike– Halloween (Rob Zombie’s, not the good one from 1978)
• Oxygen– Shall We Dance?

SNL is repeating Taylor Swift.  Adult Swim has the normal Boondocks repeats, The S Word and It’s a Black President, Huey Freeman.  Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood City of Heresy, InuYasha Series Premier, GitS:SAC Meme and Idolater.

I’ve refrained from pimping Yahoo TV Listings the last couple of days deliberately because they’re showing a lot of blank spaces.  I think the page is broken as they’re also shuffling the channel order.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Biff Tannen Museum! Dedicated to Hill Valley’s #1 Citizen. And America’s greatest living folk hero. The one and only Biff Tannen. Of course we’ve all heard the legend, but who is the man? Inside you will learn how Biff Tannen became one of the richest and most powerful men in America. Learn the amazing history of the Tannen family, starting with his great-grandfather, Buford ‘Mad Dog’ Tannen, fastest gun in the West. See Biff’s humble beginnings and how a trip to the race track on his 21st Birthday made him a millionaire overnight. Share in the excitement of a fabulous winning streak that earned him the nickname “The Luckiest Man on Earth.” Learn how Biff parlayed that lucky winning streak into the vast empire called Biffco. Discover how, in 1979, Biff successfully lobbied to legalize gambling and turned Hill Valley’s dilapidated courthouse into a beautiful casino-hotel!

I just wanna say one thing! God Bless America.

What?  You say you don’t want to watch documentaries about prisons and sexual predators?  That you’d rather gouge your eyes out like Gloucester?  There, there, Uncle ek will see what he can scare up on the Hypnotoad tonight.

• ESPN– High School Throwball, Plant @ Manatee
• Bravo– Fight Club, Ocean’s Thirteen x 2
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon
• Toon– Repeats of the Season Premiers of Ben 10 and Generator Rex
• USA– Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
• Disney– Phineas and Ferb
• Discovery– Odd Couple Survival night, Dual Survival, Man, Woman, Wild (premier), Beyond Survival (Series Premier)
• Food– Chopped, Triple D, Chefs v. City (premier)
• FX– My Super Ex-Girlfriend
• Oxygen– Just Friends x 2
• Turner Classic– The Heiress, To Each His Own (Olivia de Haviland night)
• TBS– The Scorpion King x 2
• SciFi– Eureka (last week’s and new), Haven (premier)
• Comedy– John Oliver Special

Later-

• AMC– The Negotiator
• Turner Classic– The Snake Pit (more Olivia)
• USA– Hairspray
• Disney– More Phineas and Ferb

Alton does guacamole and chicken-liver mousse.  Perchance to Dean, a good episode if you like progressive rock.  Look Around You is the next to last episode, Computers.

Wikipedia notes that Olivia de Haviland is still alive (born in 1916) and is one of the last surviving actresses of her generation.  She has a famous feud with her sister, Joan Fontaine (also still alive).

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.

Thursday Night Throwball, the Indianapolis Traitors @ Packers (you know who to root for even if you don’t like cheese, cheese heads, or community ownership).

Last chance for the Boys and all night Keith and Rachel this week.

• FX– Double Jeopardy, Double Jeopardy (have I mentioned that TV programmers are lazy assed sons of bitches?)
• Lifetime– Project Runway (premier)
• SciFi– Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
• TBS– Fool’s Gold (I’m tired of posting this, it’s going in my never watch or promote category)
• Turner Classic– A Face in the Crowd (hmm…)
• Discovery– Cereal: Beyond the Bowl (I’m mentioning this because I’m interested in ‘its influence on modern banking’).  Also Pitchmen (premier) and Mythbusters (repeat).
• TLC– Sr. v. Jr. (premier), BBQ Pitmasters (also)
• Toon– Repeat of Monday’s premiers.
• USA– Burn Notice (last week’s and premier), Royal Pains (premier)
• Disney– Phineas and Ferb
• Comedy– Futurama (premier)
• TNT– Sleepy Hollow

Later-

• AMC– Mad Men, Analyze This
• Turner Classic– Anatomy of a Murder

Dave hosts Anne Heche, Ken Burns, and The Specials.  Jon has Michael Bloomberg (ugh), Stephen Richard Engel.  Alton does Sausage (much better eats than the DC kind).

Handsome Ransom– Captain Sunshine!

Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.

I said no lies.

I think he’s telling the truth.

If he were telling the truth, he wouldn’t have told us.

Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn’t believe the truth even if he told it to you.

…

Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly…

Stupid.