Expect updates. This edition good until 1 pm when the Rose Parade is over. Now until 4 pm. Midnight. Done. Off to my party.
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Tag: TV
Dec 31 2010
New Year’s Eve TV
Happy Amateur Night! If you’re like me you’re not that into sharing the road or even a space. I remember one year when someone poisoned themselves on 1.75 of Stoli, announced they had to pee, stood up, turned around, and proceeded to do so on the couch they had previously been sitting on.
Being a charitable fellow I literally held the bag for him as he detoxified before he slept it off. I will admit I let him do it on the same couch (well, we had to burn it anyway).
In any event to kick off the festivities I direct your attention to the Holiday Bowl Big Balloon Parade. Yup, bigger than Macy’s and more concentrated, only an hour at 9 am on USA. The results of last night’s Holiday Bowl itself? Washington 19 – 7 over Nebraska.
Expect updates. This edition good until noon. Now through 8 pm. Up to 11 pm. Now until 2 am. 6 am.
New Tools. Previous entries. Instant gratification-
Dec 31 2010
Prime Time
Happy New Year Charlie Brown. I shouldn’t be so flip about Stamford, they are after all the last team to beat UConn before the streak, but I don’t see any reason to think they will tonight unless it is a very bad night indeed. The secret of their success is very similar to Tiger Woods’. He starts playing to win on Thursday, most of the others play to make the cut until Saturday. Likewise the Lady Huskies play crushing defense from the tip off and never show any mercy on scoring.
- AMC– Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II
- Bravo– Real Housewives marathon
- Comedy– Futurama marathon
- Disney– Hannah Montana Movie
- Discovery– Sr. v. Jr (this week’s, new episode Monday they say, filming of)
- ESPN– College Throwball Music City Bowl: North Carolina v. Tennessee, Holiday Bowl: Nebraska vs. Washington
- ESPN2– College Hoopies, Temple at Villanova, NCAA Women’s Basketball: @ Stamford (#90 probably)
- Food– Feuds (premier)
- History– Aliens! and Conspiracy Theories (some new)
- Lifetime– Antwone Fisher
- National Geographic– Dog Whisperer marathon
- Sci Fi– Catwoman, The Cave
- Style– The Bridges of Madison County, The Pelican Brief x 2
- Turner Classic– The Strip, Requiem for a Heavyweight
- TNT– Hoopies, Knicks @ Magic, Spurs @ Mavs
- Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
- USA– Burn Notice (part of a 22 hour marathon)
- VH1– SNL marathon
Later-
- AMC– Back to the Future Part III, Summer Rental
- Comedy– The Beast With A Billion Backs
- FX– Zodiac, Archer
- Sci Fi– Children of the Corn, Clive Barker’s Book of Blood
- Spike– Die Another Day (Brosnan)
- Turner Classic– Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Comic
Dave in repeats from 12/6. Conan in repeats from 11/17.
With any luck at all I’ll have your 24 hour New Year’s Eve listings up by 6 am.
Dec 30 2010
Prime Time
Broadcast? Bwahhahhahhahhah.
A good night to write diaries.
I foresee two possibilities. One, coming face to face with herself 30 years older would put her into shock and she’d simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that’s a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.
- ABC Family– Gone in Sixty Seconds
- AMC– Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part 2
- Bravo– Top Chef marathon
- Discovery– Mythbusters marathon
- ESPN– College Throwball, Texas Bowl: Baylor v. Illinois, Alamo Bowl: Arizona v. Oklahoma State
- ESPN2– College Hoopies, Georgetown @ Notre Dame, Marquette @ Vanderbilt
- Food– Dinner Impossible
- FX– S.W.A.T. x 2
- History– Modern Marvels (premier)
- Lifetime– Raising Helen
- National Geographic– Dog Whisperer marathon
- Nick– Curious George
- Oxygen– Practical Magic x 2
- Style– When a Man Loves a Woman
- Turner Classic– The Lavender Hill Mob, The Man in the White Suit
- TNT– Bones marathon
- Travel– Man v. Food marathon (with premier thank goodness)
- USA– Juno
Later-
- AMC– Back to the Future Part 3
- Comedy– Bender’s Big Score
- Oxygen– The Craft
- Turner Classic– The Ladykillers, Kind Hearts and Coronets
Dave in repeats from 12/16. Conan in repeats from 11/16.
Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Biff Tannen Museum! Dedicated to Hill Valley’s #1 Citizen. And America’s greatest living folk hero. The one and only Biff Tannen. Of course we’ve all heard the legend, but who is the man? Inside you will learn how Biff Tannen became one of the richest and most powerful men in America. Learn the amazing history of the Tannen family, starting with his great-grandfather, Buford ‘Mad Dog’ Tannen, fastest gun in the West. See Biff’s humble beginnings and how a trip to the race track on his 21st Birthday made him a millionaire overnight. Share in the excitement of a fabulous winning streak that earned him the nickname “The Luckiest Man on Earth.” Learn how Biff parlayed that lucky winning streak into the vast empire called Biffco. Discover how, in 1979, Biff successfully lobbied to legalize gambling and turned Hill Valley’s dilapidated courthouse into a beautiful casino-hotel!
I just wanna say one thing! God Bless America.
Dec 29 2010
Prime Time
33rd Kennedy Center- Merle Haggard, Jerry Herman, Bill T. Jones, Paul McCartney and Oprah Winfrey. I think I’ll pass. Throwball- Vikings @ Eagles finally. New Nova. No LoDo (and there was much rejoicing).
A good night for movies.
You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
- ABC Family– Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Cheaper by the Dozen
- AMC– Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II
- Disney– Eloise at the Plaza
- Discovery– Dirty Jobs, Auction Kings (premiers)
- ESPN– College Throwball, Champs Sports Bowl: North Carolina State v. West Virginia, Insight Bowl: Iowa v. Missouri
- ESPN2– College Hoopies, Minnesota @ Wisconsin, North Carolina @ Rutgers
- ESPN Classic– #89
- FX– Jumper x 2
- Lifetime– Sixteen Candles
- National Geographic– Dog Whisperer marathon
- Oxygen– The Wedding Planner x 2
- Sci Fi– Casino Royale (Craig), Serenity
- Speed– Monster Jam (premier)
- Spike– GoodFellas
- Style– The Bridges of Madison County
- TBS– Family Guy marathon, Glory Daze (premier)
- Turner Classic– A Connecticut Yankee, Dr. Bull
- TLC– What Not to Wear x 2 (premiers)
- TNT– Four Brothers
- Toon– Tower Prep (premier)
- USA– Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
- Vs.– Bruins @ Lightning
- VH1– The Temptations
Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well may not be another. So here is us, on the raggedy edge. Don’t push me, and I won’t push you. Dong le ma?
Later-
- AMC– Back to the Future Part III, Road House
- Comedy– Beerfest
- FX– The Replacement Killers
- Sci Fi– Equilibrium
- Turner Classic– Doubting Thomas, In Old Kentucky
- USA– Psych (last week’s)
Dave in repeats from 11/23. Conan in repeats from 11/10.
Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish… flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought… Human nature, in’it? Ooor… fish nature… So yes… we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or… ahh… as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful… I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth… Captain Swann. We must fight.
Dec 28 2010
Prime Time
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Glenn Gould on American Masters (he was Canadian dudes), other than that not a lot of premiers. No Keith this week (nor Jon or Stephen). No Lawrence! (I never thought I’d be glad for Prison Porn, but some things are worse). Adult Swim gets an extra hour at 9 pm which they are using for King of the Hill and replacing it at 10 pm with American Dad.
Sure’n I hope that your considerin’ the future Mr. Eastwood.
I think about it all the time.
- ABC Family– Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
- AMC– Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II
- Disney– Legally Blondes
- Discovery– Sr. v. Jr. (premier)
- ESPN– Throwball Saints @ Falcons
- ESPN2– College Throwball, Independence Bowl: Air Force v. Georgia Tech; College Hoopies, Connecticut @ Pittsburgh
- FX– White Chicks x 2
- History– Pawn Stars, American Pickers (premier)
- Lifetime– Acceptance, Nora Roberts’ Angels Fall
- National Geographic– Dog Whisperer marathon (with premier)
- Oxygen– Barbershop x 2, Something New
- Sci Fi– Elf (aren’t we done with this already?), Ice Quake
- Spike– Band of Brothers marathon
- TBS– Family Guy night
- Turner Classic– Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Days of Wine and Roses
- TLC– Cake Boss (last week’s and new), Chocolate (premier)
- TNT– The Closer (last week’s and new), Men of a Certain Age (premier)
- Travel– Dining with Death (premier)
- TV Land– Independence Day
- Vs.– Wild @ Blue Jackets
Later-
- AMC– Back to the Future Part III, Life
- FX– Just Married
- Sci Fi– Street Fighter Alpha
- Style– The Bridges of Madison County
- Turner Classic– The Pink Panther
Dave in repeats, 12/7. Alton has a hour long special, Down & Out in Paradise. Conan in repeats from 11/9
Marty, the future isn’t written. It can be changed, you know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. I can’t let this one little photograph determine my entire destiny. I have to live my life according to what I believe is right in my heart.
Dec 26 2010
Boxing Day
Perhaps you think it’s all about stuffing the things that don’t fit or you don’t want back in the boxes and returning them. People who work for a living know different.
At some point I’ll talk to you about eating serf food, but today is not it. I will give you my retail ranger tips.
Expect store credits not refunds. You will be dealing with a supervisor or regular because temps are not taught how to do returns. Every return has to be processed through the warehouse so you won’t get a size 10 even if there’s a stack of them next to the register. Retail is not a swap meet.
I understand there will be discounts, but perhaps not as many as you expect. In bad times you tighten inventories and limit selection.
My recommendation is that you spare yourself unless shopping is a sport and watch some Throwball ahead of next year’s lockout.
New Tools. Previous entries. Instant gratification-
Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings
Holiday 24 hour coverage ends today. Regular Prime Time tomorrow. Good through 8 pm. Done.
Dec 25 2010
Happy ek’s mas
The box may seem empty but the message is clear-
Play Santa again and I’ll kill you next year
It’s the violent-est season of the year
And Kringlebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear
Sugarplummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled
On Xmas Eve we don our gay apparel
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel
And if Grandma’s Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass
It can be regifted straight to Santa’s ass
But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree
A pine tree that’s coniferous
We have to have a pine tree that’s coniferous
Robanukah may sound as if it’s Jewish
But it’s ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally new-ish
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddush cup
Which will give me time to quickly make them up
Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Mine is called a droidl and it’s rigged to make you pay
Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Better! We have fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
But by far the most important thing is oil
To keep the lamplight burning or to help the latkes broil?
No we pull the holy lubricant up from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle
The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle
There’s seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa
So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya
Kujichagulia and Umoja and the rest
Now we get it
Sit back down
There’s gonna be a test
My favorite’s Ujamaa
Cooperative economics
Yo, Boondocks, I’m talkin’ here
Put away the comics
Ku’umba is another one
It stands for creativity
Like the ever-changing nature
Of my sexual proclivity
I think there’s one called Nia
But I don’t speak Swahili
Something about a pine tree
And and oil-wrestling dealie?
That’s from Xmas and Robanukah
You plagiarizing lout!
Yeah I’m kinda losing interest here
I best be rollin’ out
But before I go
The most important thing
What’s that black Santa?
You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night
But they best be made of beeswax or y’all might as well be white
New Tools. Previous entries. Instant gratification-
Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings
This edition good until 6 pm. Now until 11 pm. See you tomorrow at 6 am! Merry ek’s mas.
Dec 24 2010
An Airing of Grievances
Ah Festivus, that holiday for the rest of us. Break out your Aluminium Poles. Time for the airing of the grievances of which one constant on my list is the laziness and vapidity of TV programming.
I’m not kidding when I say I consider these pieces a public service. They take a ton of research (an average Prime Time takes 90 minutes and has 40+ links).
And you have to keep your blog busy and readers distracted.
I’m trying new Tools which will hopefully keep things a little more organized but I’m not expecting much.
It’s a fairly normal Thursday night so we’ll be picking it up at 6 am for early risers and running 24 hours.
As always-
It’s arranged by time and marathons (4 half hour episodes, 3 hour episodes, double features, themes, and Instapeats) may be noted earlier than you expect, but they do also include the running time so you know when they end.
You may notice not a lot from the broadcast and other networks. That’s because they’re going with regular programming (except for maybe Holiday Episodes) as far as I can tell. The usual tools are available for broader choices-
Zap2it TV Listings, Yahoo TV Listings
This edition good until Noon. Now 8 pm. Now to 11 pm. Done until dawn, but get to bed early so Santa can come.
Dec 24 2010
Prime Time
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (TV), Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Film). We can only hope this is the Last Word from Lawrence O’Donnell in 2010.
When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.
Has it got any sports in it?
Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…
Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.
Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
- ABC Family– The Santa Clause, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
- AMC– The Princess Bride x 2, Nanny McPhee
- Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (with premier)
- Disney– The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
- Discovery– Christmas Special (premier), Sr. v. Jr. (this week’s), Oddities (premier)
- ESPN– College Throwball, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Navy v. San Diego State
- ESPN2– College Hoopies, Georgetown at Memphis, another game
- ESPN Classic– #89, just in case you want to see it again
- FX– Night at the Museum x 2
- History– Aliens! and Conspiracy Theories (with premiers)
- National Geographic– Nazis!
- Nick– Glenn Martin, DDS x 2 (premiers)
- Sci Fi– The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
- Style– Chasing Liberty
- Turner Classic– The Human Comedy, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mickey Rooney night)
- TNT– Hoopies, Spurs @ Magic, Heat @ Suns
- Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
- USA– Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, The Bourne Ultimatum
- Vs.– Rocky IV x 2
- VH1– SNL marathon
Later-
- Comedy– The Futurama Holiday Spectacular
- Sci Fi– The Golden Compass
- Turner Classic– Boys Town (more Mickey)
- VH1– The Color of Money
Dave hosts Amanda Peet, Jay Thomas, and Darlene Love. Jon and Stephen in repeats, 12/13 & 12/14. Pre-empted next week. Conan hosts Jason Segel and Reggie Watts.
This ain’t pool. This is for bangers. Straight pool is pool. This is like hand-ball, or cribbage, or something. Straight pool, you gotta be a real surgeon to get ’em, you know? It’s all finesse. Now, everything is nine-ball, ’cause it’s fast, good for T.V., good for a lot of break shots… Oh, well. What the hell. Checkers sells more than chess.
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