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Dec 25 2010

Happy ek’s mas

Ho, ho, ho.

The box may seem empty but the message is clear-

Play Santa again and I’ll kill you next year

The Xmas Song

It’s the violent-est season of the year

And Kringlebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear

Sugarplummy visions will be dancing in your head

When I cane you from the comfort of my sled

On Xmas Eve we don our gay apparel

Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel

And if Grandma’s Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass

It can be regifted straight to Santa’s ass

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous

Is a pine tree

A pine tree that’s coniferous

We have to have a pine tree that’s coniferous

The Robanukah Song

Robanukah may sound as if it’s Jewish

But it’s ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally new-ish

So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddush cup

Which will give me time  to quickly make them up

Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Mine is called a droidl and it’s rigged to make you pay

Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

Better! We have fembots with illegal five-speed groins!

But by far the most important thing is oil

To keep the lamplight burning or to help the latkes broil?

No we pull the holy lubricant up from the sacred vessel

Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle

The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special

Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle

The Kwanzaa Song

There’s seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa

So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya

Kujichagulia and Umoja and the rest

Now we get it

Sit back down

There’s gonna be a test

My favorite’s Ujamaa

Cooperative economics

Yo, Boondocks, I’m talkin’ here

Put away the comics

Ku’umba is another one

It stands for creativity

Like the ever-changing nature

Of my sexual proclivity

I think there’s one called Nia

But I don’t speak Swahili

Something about a pine tree

And and oil-wrestling dealie?

That’s from Xmas and Robanukah

You plagiarizing lout!

Yeah I’m kinda losing interest here

I best be rollin’ out

But before I go

The most important thing

What’s that black Santa?

You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night

But they best be made of beeswax or y’all might as well be white

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This edition good until 6 pm.  Now until 11 pm.  See you tomorrow at 6 am!  Merry ek’s mas.

6 am

  • Animal PlanetPuppy Bowl IV
  • ESPNSports Center marathon until Noon (the last 2 hours are live)
  • MSNBC– 24 Hours of Prison Porn
  • NickFull House Holiday Special
  • TBS– Did I mention 25 hours of A Christmas Story? (until 8 pm)
  • Turner ClassicLittle Women

6:30 am

  • NickFull House Holiday Special (a different one)

7 am

7:30 am

8 am

8:30 am

9 am

10 am

10:30 am

11 am

11:30 am

Noon

12:30 pm

1 pm

1:30 pm

2 pm

2:30 pm

3 pm

3:30 pm

4 pm

4:30 pm

5 pm

6 pm

6:30 pm

7 pm

7:30 pm

  • ESPN2– College Hoopies, Hawaiian Airlines Diamond Head Classic, Consolation Game
  • VH1Pretty In Pink

8 pm

8:30 pm

9 pm

  • LifetimeA Diva’s Christmas Carol

9:30 pm

10 pm

10:30 pm

11 pm

11:30 pm

Midnight

12:30 am

1 am

1:30 am

  • USA– [Hairspray ]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hairspray_%281988_film%29 (the good original version)

2 am

2:30 am

3 am

3:30 am

4 am

5 am

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