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Jul 09 2010

Thursday Night Humor 20100708: Warning Labels

(10 pm. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Many of you who read my posts know that I monitor the Fox “News” Channel from time to time so that you do not have to do so.  It is a high risk avocation, because insanity by osmosis is, in my scientific opinion, possible.

Today the repulsive John Stossel, the Fox “News” Channel “contributor” went on a tirade about warning labels on consumer products.  His thesis was that they are there only because of “trial lawyers” who fatten their pockets on the backs of big business.  By the way, the Fox “News” Channel regularly carries adverts by trial lawyers, mostly for mesothelioma, adverse drug effects, and firms that advertise about getting out of legitimate federal income tax cases.

Here is one that is needed for those who drink from many municipal water sources:

WARNING!  This water contains asbestos fibers.  Some of them are from natural sources associated with the water supply itself, but most are from antiquated asbestos reinforced concrete water conduits that were installed decades ago and have not been upgraded because of lack of proper public funding.

This is actually true, because I just got my annual water quality statement from my water utility.  I am not aware of any studies that rank ingested asbestos with inhaled asbestos, but it does not seem like a good thing to me.  How about some stimulus money to replace some of those pipes?

Here is one that I would recommend about Rush Limbaugh:

WARNING!  Be aware that this man suffers from rectal/cranial inversion.  Anything that he says likely is racist, misogynistic, a pure lie, or a combination of them.  Additionally, he suffers from delusions of grandeur and should never be taken seriously.

Obviously I am preaching to the choir in this forum about that, but nevertheless a label should be attached to him.  He is hate-filled and dangerous.

Another warning is one that I would suggest about Glenn Beck:

WARNING!  This man is delusional.  Not only does he bark like a dog on air, he paints messages on his fingernails directed at MSNBC.  Even worse, he truly believes that an honorary “Ph.D.” in “humanities” from Liberty “University” really makes him a Ph.D.  He has said it more than once on his TeeVee show.  Believing anything that he says is dangerous to your perception of reality.

Beck has taken the top of the list of the real wingnuts, and will soon be making more money than Limbaugh, if he does not already do so.  How such an ignorant loser can be so successful eludes me.  His looking for the film (more likely than tape in 1964) of the late Senator Byrd filibustering the Civil Rights Act is apt, since coverage of the Congress did not start until decades later, as aptly pointed out by Keith tonight.

Speaking of Keith Olbermann, I have one for him:

WARNING!  Do not listen to this man unless you want to hear the truth.  Unlike the college dropouts mentioned before, Mr. Olbermann has a college degree.  In addition, he also has journalistic credentials and expresses the rare trait of honesty.  Unless you want truth, stay away from him.

I once wrote a post sort of critical of Mr. Olbermann, and I was wrong about him.  It was just after he got his new contract, and he had different format for his program.  I incorrectly inferred that he had been corrupted.  This warning is sort of an apology to him.  He is one of the few good guys, and of course there are several more.

Now, here is a warning about Stossel himself.

WARNING!  John Stossel is a hypocrite.  Although he rails against “trial lawyers himself, he hired one in 1985 to sue the World Wrestling Federation, and won.  Now that he has become a libertarian, one would think that he would refund the $425,000.  But he did not.  Dollar signs are his motivator.

Stossel is one of the most simpering, superficial “journalists” of whom I can think.  I am amazed that he actually accrued 19 Emmy awards.  For a time it seems that he was a competent consumer interest reporter, but he has gone to the dark side now.  I have absolutely no respect for him.

Now I have one for the Fox “News” Channel itself:

WARNING!  This “news” outlet is nothing more than an attempt by a rich foreigner to influence policy to enrich himself further.  Murdoch’s influence is great enough to have the Federal Communications Commission to change the regulations regarding ownership of media outlets to further his fortune.  He is shrewd, dishonest, and ruthless, as is his empire.  Believe little of what you hear on it.

The Fox “News” Channel is the most biased outlet that I have had the experience to view, other than some really “out there” blogs (present company not included!).  As Ed Schultz documented earlier today, lying is its typical MO, and lying about lying is common.  (By the way, the look on Shep Smith’s face today when Lindsay Logan’s father used the word “fuck” on live TeeVee was priceless)!

Finally, the most important warning is about an obscure blogger on several sites that goes by the handle of Translator.

WARNING!  This blogger is apt to use his personal feelings as a basis for his posts, other than the scientific ones.  Never take him seriously except for his objective posts, because he is quite apt to allow his deep sense of right and wrong, social justice, and politics to skew his posts.

That is exactly correct.  As a professional scientist, my objective posts are as accurate as I can make them (although, being human, sometimes make errors of fact, and very much appreciate being corrected).  On the other hand, for my rare political posts I operate from my sense of morality, although I still like to get the fact correct.

Well, there you have it.  I am sure that I have left out some of your favorite targets, so please suggest other warning labels in the comments.  They do not have to be people.  Please let me know what you think about this possible series.

Warmest regards,

Doc

Crossposted at Docudharma.com and Dailykos.com

10 comments

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  1. Translator, aka Dr. David W. Smith

    for a poor attempt at humor?

    Warmest regards,

    Doc

  2. Translator, aka Dr. David W. Smith

    ‘cat.

    I very much appreciate it!

    Warmest regards,

    Doc

    1. Translator, aka Dr. David W. Smith

      well, it probably has more truth than any other medium.  Monty Python did it extremely well, but were (are) too Brit for our American tastes.

      But we Americans have a rich tradition of excellent humorists, the most brilliant (and I challenge anyone to find a better one) one Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain.  His writings still have a bite, and he died 100 years ago.

      Other notable ones include Will Rogers and Steve Allen.  In my opinion, the greatest political and general humorist was the late Johnny Carson.  His sense of timing, his facial expressions, and his extremely quick wit puts him amongst the best of the best.

      Warmest regards,

      Doc

      1. Translator, aka Dr. David W. Smith

        a unique set of humorists.  I do not think that he will be unfavorably be compared to Twain in another 100 years.  Remember, Twain could be a bit cheeky now and then, but Carlin brought indecency to a new level.  I do not fault him for that, but he said things about which Twain would only think.  Let us also remember Lenny Bruce for blazing the trail.

        Warmest regards,

        Doc

  3. Translator, aka Dr. David W. Smith

    You are giving me the big head!  (I do not mean that in a sexual way, by the way).

    I very much appreciate being so highly regarded here.  I will not forget it.  I will continue to post at ‘Dharma, because they have always been nice to me, but it looks like there is not much wind in the sails there.

    Warmest regards,

    Doc

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