#Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement

(10 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Stephen Colbert has had a grand time taking on Sen. Jon Kyl’s blatant lie on the Senate floor that Planned Parenthood is using 90% of its services for abortion, when it’s actually about 3%. Kyl’s spokes person tried walking back the lie but Stephen took it to Twitter creating this hash-tag, #Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement

Transcript provided by Bruin Kid @ Daily Kos

You want more proof Obama won?  Republicans gave up cutting all funding to Planned Parenthood, which is a waste of money.  Who plans for parenthood?  You chug five wine coolers on New Year’s Eve, wake up in a strange bed, then come September, you’re hanging a ducky mobile inside the walk-in closet the way God intended.  Planned Parenthood should not get a dime of federal money, and Arizona Senator Jon Kyl knows why.

SEN. JON KYL, R-AZ (4/8/2011): If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood, and that’s well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does.

Over 90%, that is unbelieveable, in that it is not true.  Because only 3% of what Planned Parenthood does is abortions.

Kyl jus rounded up to the nearest 90.  Besides, when this 87% discrepancy was pointed out, Kyl’s office immediately released the following statement to CNN.

T.J. HOLMES (4/8/2011): … and you know what, I just want to give it to you verbatim here, it says, “His remark was not intended to be a factual statement”…

See?  It was not intended to be a factual statement.  You can’t call him out for being wrong, when he never intended to be right.  Now, I gotta say, that is an amazingly liberating defense.  Now I can say things like, Jon Kyl has a vestigial tail, and it’s not where you think it would be.  There’s a reason he never wears a tank top.  Note: that was not intended to be a factual statement.

Speaking of never intending to give factual statements, Fox & Friends.  This weekend, they explained why there is no need for Planned Parenthood, even if 97% of their services are contraception, breast cancer screening, STD testing, and other services like pap smears.  Because as the brown-haired guy who’s not Steve Doocy told the blond-haired guy who is Steve Doocy and the blond-haired girl who’s not Gretchen Carlson, America already has a trusted place for those services.  Jim?

4/9/2011:

STEVE DOOCY: He was talking about Planned Parenthood being this great provider where women can get blood pressure checks, and pap smears, and breast…

BRIAN KILMEADE: Which you can get at Walgreens.

STEVE DOOCY: Exactly right.

Exactly.  You can get a pap smear or a breast exam at Walgreens.  I’m pretty sure they’re between the Swiffer refills and the cat food.  Ladies, just look for the stirrups.  I know Walgreens is where I go for all my medical needs.  Just last week I got my annual colonoscopy at the photo center.  I swallowed a waterproof disposable camera, had a bag boy punch me in the gut to make the shutter go off… (cracks up laughing) hung out in the coffee aisle till it passed, and an hour later, got a clean bill of health… (cracks up laughing) and an hour later, got a clean bill of health and a free set of doubles for my family.  (That’s impossible.)

By the way, speaking of families, did you know that Jon Kyl has had sexual relations with all of his first cousins?  And that is intended to be a factual statement.  Note: that last statement about the previous statement being a factual statement?  That was not intended to be a factual statement.

The tweets to that hash-tag were coming in st 42 per minute at one point. Here are a just a few samples

   Jon Kyl lost on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

   Jon Kyl has the largest collection of German bondage porn in the Western U.S.

   When Jon Kyl sounds reasonable, it’s time to up your medication.

   Jon Kyl’s grandmother fucked an alligator in Boca Raton, FL.

   Jon Kyl still isn’t sure the right side won the Civil War.

   Jon Kyl got his 25-year-old mistress a cushy state job.

   Jon Kyl still runs with scissors.

   Out of over 1 million of his dad’s sperm, Jon Kyl was the fastest.