Mar 17 2012

Formula One: Alberta Park Qualifying

You know, darts.  Just as much drinking as Bowling, don’t have to wear rented shoes.  Or worse yet own your own set and a ball and corrective glove.  Have a real set of darts.  You can hide them in your pocket.

Zoom, zoomy, zoom, zoom.

We’ll start slowly with the generally agreed upon facts before we get to the rabbit holes, the first of which is that Red Bull supports about 4 programs and dominates Formula One except for prestige where Scuderia Marlboro UPC is capo di tutti even though they haven’t had a fast car in years.  They have both abandoned the Formula One Teams Association to suck up to Bernie.  There are also the gritty Brits, McLaren, who have one driver who can pass (Hamilton) and one driver who’s easy on the equipment (Button) either of whom could handily win if McLaren weren’t so fucking stupid about their race management.

Everyone else is just filling the field.

Of the also-rans Mercedes and Renault were the closest to competitive, Mercedes has good buzz, Renault is now Lotus. Team Lotus is now Caterham F1 Team, Virgin is now Marussia.

Rubens Barrichello is driving IndyCars this year and my Dad is very excited about the season, says there are a lot of changes.  I think you know how I feel about hopeyness.  Bruno Senna is driving for Williams.

Bernie Ecclestone is still an enormous rich festering boil on the face of the universe but his pustulence seems minor in comparison to Rupert.  Bahrain is on because you just can’t have enough Shi’ite slaves piss in your drinks and then there is Perry’s Billion Dollar Boondoggle (let’s fire all the teachers) Hole in the Desert.  20 thrilling races in all lasting until November 25th.

Hopeyness

No more blown diffusers.  No, really.  We are so over that having replaced it with the next innovation in downforce.  Pirelli promises tires that wear out even quicker and the difference between them is even less.  Helium (which makes your air guns work 30% faster) is now banned.  You can unlap yourself under a safety car.

There are 15 more days of in season testing which can only improve things.  If you’re too tight fisted to test you deserve to be uncompetitive.

rustymancuso581

11 comments

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  5. Raikkonen

    Kovelainen

    Petrov

    Glock

    Pic

    dellaRosa

    Karthikeyan

  7. I’ll have a Cuba Libre.

  8. Vernge

    Alonso

    Kobayashi

    Senna

    diResta

    Massa

    Perez

  9. a total fail for Scuderia Marlboro UPC.

  11. Hamilton (McLaren)

    Button (McLaren)

    Grosjean (Renault)

    Schumacher (Mercedes)

    Webber (Red Bull)

    Vettel (Red Bull)

    Rosberg (Mercedes)

    Maldonado (Williams)

    Hulkenberg (Force India)

    Ricciardo (Torro Rosso)

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