Dispatches From Hellpeckersville-Things Like This

Last Saturday night, Cleetus and I took Dan to see Baboo in his play. Baboo had a supporting role, and I was a little worried, as Dan has been known to get a tad restless during a play, even when Baboo had a lead. This time was different, Dan was actually looking forward to it, he said. Baboo had come to see him play Lorenzo the previous spring in his school’s production of Pinnochio, and he now understood the allure of the stage. I told him that this would be pretty cool then, because it’s a big stage, and we had front row seats.

This time was different for me too, because for the first time since they were born, I was going to attend a performance with no headache. That’s right, no pain in my head. No turning a grimace into a smile, no wincing through any sound system glitches, nothing. Just a tiny bit of nervous waiting for the other shoe to drop…but it never did. I enjoyed the play. But wait, it gets better.

Not only did I enjoy the play, Dan enjoyed it immensely!As we sat in our padded theater seats he kept asking, how long until they turn the lights out? I told him that when I was in shows they would blink the lights, then he would know that it would be about five minutes until the lights went down, that I was pretty sure they would do that, and that the crowd would get quiet. Sure enough, just as I finished speaking, the lights flashed, and he grinned up at me. As the lights went down, he rubbed his hands together like a cartoon villian and said, “Oh, boy, here we go!”

Now, the play was Annie Jr, which is just like Annie, but a truncated version, perfect length for Dan. Baboo was playing the small, but key part of FDR, which doesn’t come in until twenty minutes before the end. This being middle school, there aren’t a lot of boys, so we played spot Baboo throughout the first hour of the play as he made appearances as a New Yorker and a Servant, and did a voice over as a radio announcer. When we saw him, Dan and I would nudge each other. But I needn’t have worried that Dan would get fidgety not seeing his brother on stage.

From the opening number he was in heaven, and I have to say those kids did a pretty good job up there. Dan was leaning over to tell me, “This is awesome!” He pointed out what he liked in the scenery, he was was moving his legs along with the dance moves, doing a few chorus line kicks–good thing I got front row, huh? And in the scene where Miss Hanigan screams? Dan turned to me and quite audibly asked, “What the hell was that?” Cleetus and I cracked up, thankfully so did the surrounding audience. I was not only able to enjoy the show, I was enjoying Dan enjoying the show.

Sitting there in that dark theater my eyes filled, thinking about how this was the first time I had ever been able to fully experience something like this. I’ve been to performances, ceremonies, IEP meetings, but always, always, part of me was fighting pain, and until this moment, I didn’t realize how much that took away. It was just the way it was. Even when I have pain pills to get me through, it’s not the same as no pain. Because the headache is still there when I take the pain pills, it’s just not as bad. So, I feel like I don’t have adequate words to describe what it was like, it’s been over 25 years since I’ve had a pain free day.

After the play we took the boys home and got Chinese take out for a late supper. Cleetus bought Baboo roses and we gave them to him then. We ate and read our fortunes and let the kids stay up too late and all in all had a fabulous evening. Throughout the whole night I just remember looking around at my little family and feeling happy, and intensely grateful.

So far the headaches are down by about a third. The only bad thing I can think of is that when they come ripping back after a pain free day they do so with an intensity that is nauseating, and I had had that pretty much under control, but so what. It’s so worth it. No, I might not be completely pain free for every event or occasion, but to have that experience for any, to see one boy perform and the other enjoy it?

To me, was priceless.