Tag: TV

Well, the Islanders lost last night.  Go figure.  Broadcast- mostly premiers.  A good night to read a book.

• ABC Family– Liar Liar x 2
• AMC– The Mummy
• Bravo– Real Housewives marathon (2 premiers)
• Comedy– Futurama (Series Premier repeat), also Ugly Americans
• Disney– Wizards of Waverly Place The Movie (if you’re a big DeLouise family fan)
• Discovery– More Storm Chasers (with premier)
• ESPN– College Throwball, South Florida @ West Virginia
• ESPN2– Turn Left Racing, High School Throwball from Texas- Abilene @ Midland Lee
• Food– Alton gives a double dose of Oats (second one a premier), new Food Feuds
• FX– It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The League (premiers)
• Lifetime– Project Runway (last week’s and new)
• Oxygen– Barbershop x 2
• TBS– Family Guy, American Dad block
• Turner Classic– Incendiary Blonde, Murder, He Says
• TLC– Sr. v. Jr. (last week’s Season Finale repeat)
• TNT– My Big Fat Greek Wedding
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• Vs.– Lightning @ Flyers

Later-

• AMC– Mad Men (this week’s)
• Turner Classic– Murder, She Said (Miss Marple), The Band Wagon
• Toon– New Delocated

Dave hosts Wanda Sykes, Rick Fox, and Pete Yorn.  Jon has David Rakoff, Stephen Bill Bryson.  No Alton.

If you don’t shut those windows you’ll be fired.

In that case I shall require four weeks’ wages in lieu of notice.

Get out of my sight, woman!

With pleasure!

…

Cod’s as good as lobster any day, and much cheaper.

Well, that depends on whether or not one has a palate unsullied by cheap opiates.

If you mean what I think you mean, I’ll have you know this cheroot cost two shillings!

Yes. Quite.

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So the Rangers didn’t choke after all which puts me 3 of 4 on my brackets and should be a relief to my mom Emily who is a great Yankees fan because in my opinion the Rays matched up somewhat better against the Pinstriped Playoff Machine.

On the other hand, no Baseball tonight.  Starting Friday Junior League with the funny rules will be on TBS while real Baseball will wait until Saturday night and appear on Faux (sigh).

This is too bad since all you have is your usual broadcast premiers and-

• Bravo– New Top Chef
• Discovery– A night of Mythbusters premiers including crossover episodes with Storm Chasers (Season Premier)
• ESPN– College Throwball, Central Florida at Marshall
• Food– Repeat of this week’s Next
• FX– Baby Mama (again), Terriers (premier)
• History– Goes Medieval
• Lifetime– Swimfan x 2
• Oxygen– The Wedding Planner x 2
• Turner Classic– The General (shhh, Buster Keaton), Smiles of a Summer Night (a comedy about mate swapping from, believe it or not, Ingmar)
• Toon– Regular Show, MAD (this week’s repeats)
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (thank goodness)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Islanders @ Caps (go Islanders!)

Later-

• AMC– Rubicon (this week’s), The Man in the Iron Mask (not terrible for a DiCaprio movie)
• Sci Fi– Friday the 13th: The Series
• Turner Classic– Something Wild (rape and nudity!), He Ran All the Way (Communist John Garfield’s last film, also Shelly Winters)
• USA– Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Dave hosts Hilary Swank, Mike & Mike.  Jon has Condoleezza Rice (ugh), Stephen Austan Goolsbee (ugh).  No Alton.

Boondocks– The Itis.

Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish… flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought… Human nature, in’it? Ooor… fish nature… So yes… we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or… ahh… as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful… I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth… Captain Swann. We must fight.

Goodbye Bobby Cox.  What has made the Atlanta Braves the most consistent team (in terms of post season appearences) over the last 2 decades is the same thing that has made the Yankees (in terms of world championships) consistent.

Ownership that was unafraid to spend what it took to field a competitive team and insisted on winning.

Ted Turner, the genius behind the Braves, gets maybe a little less credit than he should, because he took a struggling team and built a media empire around it.  Back in the days of early cable TBS was the Braves and WGN was the Cubs.  Is YES network on your cable today?

The Yankees have natural advantages based on their local market and nationally they’re the team everyone loves to hate so they sell the eyeballs where ever they go and get the most attention, but the Braves have a record too.

Tonight the Rangers have a chance to choke against the Rays.  Ah well, be careful what you wish for.

Premiers across the board on broadcast, you know who you are.

• ABC Family– Melissa & Joey (premier)
• AMC– Inside Man
• Disney– The Incredibles (again)
• Discovery– Swords: Life on the Line (last week’s and Season Finale), Dirty Jobs (Groundhog Day, new shows next week)
• E!– Evan Almighty (just awful)
• ESPN– World Series of Poker x 2 (premiers)
• ESPN2– Football, United States v. Colombia in Chester, Pennsylvania
• Food– New Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, Chopped
• FX– Shutter
• Sci Fi– Stargate Universe (last week’s and premier), Caprica (premier)
• Speed– Monster Jam (premier)
• Turner Classic– A Star Is Born (1937, what were you thinking?), The Best Years of Our Lives (Frederick March night)
• Toon– Sym-Bionic Titan, Clone Wars (this week’s)
• Vs.– Avalanche @ Red Wings

Later-

• FX– Terriers (this week’s)
• Oxygen– Catwoman x 2
• Sci Fi– Repeats of the premiers, Friday the 13th: The Series
• Turner Classic– One Foot in Heaven (more March)
• USA– Mystic River

Dave hosts Matt Damon and My Morning Jacket.  Jon has Eric Cantor (expect one of those extended web interviews), Stephen- Brendan Steinhauser, Freedomworks (no link for you).  No Alton.

Boondocks– The Story of Gangstalicious

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Mostly premiers on broadcast.  Let’s check our brackets shall we?  Yankees and Phillies sweep.  The Braves’ third string 2nd baseman has error problems and will sit, which is probably the best thing for both him and the team.  He’s not really the problem anyway, it’s that the Braves’ offense has sucked.  The Rangers can’t possibly prove what great choke artists they are tonight since they’re not playing until tomorrow.  The Braves could lose it all though on TBS.  Should the Rays and the Giants win against my expectations I just don’t think they pose any problems the Yankees and Phillies can’t solve in a 7 game series.

But it’s only sports folks, a diversion from the fact that the title to your house is fraudulent and all those Collateralized Mortgage Obligations and derivatives the banks are basing their balance sheets on worthless.

It’s not just foreclosures, it’s every piece of property in the United States and collectively they are the single largest asset in the entire world financial system.

Still, while we’re waiting for Armageddon at least we have 3rd rate entertainment to divert us from our imminent destruction.

• ABC Family– The Wedding Date x 2
• AMC– Random Hearts
• Bravo– Real Housewives (last week’s and premier)
• Disney– The Incredibles
• ESPN– Throwball, Favres @ Jets
• Food– New Unwrapped, Best Thing I Ever Ate
• FX– Night at the Museum
• Golf– Tin Cup (have I mentioned this is a really acceptable movie?)
• History– American Pickers (premier)
• Lifetime– P.S. I Love You, Reviving Ophelia
• Nick– iCarly, Big Time Rush (premiers)
• Style– Bridget Jones’s Diary
• Turner Classic– The Big Sleep, His Girl Friday
• TLC– Cake Boss (premier)
• Toon– Regular Show, MAD, Total Drama World Tour (premiers)
• Vs.– Wildcats (not Goldie’s best work, but watchable)
• VH1– 8 Mile (after the imaginative Michigan way of naming roads)

Later-

• AMC– Rubicon, Mad Men (this week’s)
• FX– Halloween 6 (exactly as bad as you’d expect it to be)
• Sci Fi– Caprica (repeat of this week’s Season Premier)
• Turner Classic– The Perils of Pauline
• USA– Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (the best one actually)

Dave hosts Jim Parsons, Geoffrey Canada, Mark Ronson and the Business Intl. with Q-Tip and MNDR.  Jon has Johnny Knoxville (idiot), Stephen Robert Reich (which might be interesting, but he’s basically pitching his book).  Double down Alton, Tempura fry and Chicken fry.

Boondocks– A Date With the Health Inspector.

Anyone getting Hub Network?  They’re featuring Laverne & Shirley and Adam West, Burt Ward Batman.

I don’t like your manners.

And I’m not crazy about yours. I didn’t ask to see you. I don’t mind if you don’t like my manners, I don’t like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don’t mind your ritzing me drinking your lunch out of a bottle. But don’t waste your time trying to cross-examine me.

There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

Broadcast premiers.  The Amazing Race.  Sunday Night Throwball, Iggles @ 9ers.  You’d think Twins/Yankees on TBS, but the Yankees already closed out in 3 so you’ll have to settle for Phillies @ Reds on TNT.  No idea what TBS will fill with.

And how are our brackets doing?  Rays even up, told you the Rangers were not that good.  Braves even up against the Giants (pending this afternoon’s results, Giants 1 – 0 in the 7th as I write).  Phillies can close out.

• ABC Family– The Parent Trap
• AMC– The Kingdom, Rubicon and Mad Men (premiers)
• Food– Next Iron Chef (premier), Food Feud (Series Premier)
• FX– 27 Dresses, Baby Mama
• History– Ice Road Truckers, Swamp People (premiers)
• Lifetime– Ann Rule’s Too Late to Say Goodbye, The Client List
• Sci Fi– Silent Hill, Cold Creek Manor
• Turner Classics– Sweet Smell of Success, The Defiant Ones (Tony Curtis night)
• Toon– Sym-Bionic Titan, Clone Wars, Delocated (this week’s)
• USA– Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
• Vs.– Bull Riding (yesterday’s and today’s)

Later-

• Discovery– Life marathon
• FX– First Daughter
• Sci Fi– Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, The Dunwich Horror
• Turner Classics– Trapeze, The Great Race
• USA– Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Childrens Hospital, Metalocalypse (premiers).  New Venture Brothers (last week’s episode Everybody Comes to Hank’s

Prepare every vessel that floats.  At dawn we go to war.

So, how are our brackets working out?  The only team underperforming at this point is the Braves while the Rangers and Yankees are poised to close out.  Tonight’s Divisional Playoffs on TBS are Rays @ Rangers and Twins @ Yankees.

In broadcast College Throwball you have Florida State at Miami or USC at Stanford.

Starting at 11 pm Formula 1 Debrief, Japanese Grand Prix- Qualifying, Japanese Grand Prix (yup, the real live jive race- if they’re able to hold it.  mishima says it’s supposed to rain until noon.).

• AMC– Cujo, Sleepwalkers
• Bravo– House marathon
• Disney– Repeats of last night’s premiers
• Discovery– Mythbusters marathon
• ESPN– College Throwball, LSU @ Florida
• ESPN2– College Throwball, Auburn @ Kentucky
• Food– Chopped marathon
• History– Swamp People marathon
• Lifetime– Because I Said So
• Oxygen– The Wedding Planner x 2
• Sci Fi– Lake Placid 3, Monsterwolf
• Spike– Without a Paddle, Stripes
• Turner Classic– Strangers on a Train, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
• TNT– Men In Black, Squeekball- Mavericks @ Suns
• Toon– Shrek
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– College Throwball, Oregon State @ Arizona
• VH1– The Lost Boys

Later-

• AMC– Pet Sematary
• Lifetime– Project Runway (this week’s)
• Oxygen– The Perfect Man
• Sci Fi– Monster Ark
• TNT– The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
• USA– Burn Notice, 16 Blocks
• Vs.– Bull Riding (this week’s)

SNL- Jane Lynch and Bruno Mars.  GitS: SAC– Lost Heritage, Captivated (Episodes 18 and 19).

Aah, gold’s a devilish sort of thing, anyway. You start out, you tell yourself you’ll be satisfied with 25,000 handsome smackers worth of it. So help me, Lord, and cross my heart. Fine resolution. After months of sweatin’ yourself dizzy, and growin’ short on provisions, and findin’ nothin’, you finally come down to 15,000, then ten. Finally, you say, “Lord, let me just find $5,000 worth and I’ll never ask for anythin’ more the rest of my life.”

$5,000 is a lot of money.

Yeah, here in this joint it seems like a lot. But I tell you, if you was to make a real strike, you couldn’t be dragged away. Not even the threat of miserable death would keep you from trying to add 10,000 more. Ten, you’d want to get twenty-five; twenty-five you’d want to get fifty; fifty, a hundred. Like roulette. One more turn, you know. Always one more.

Yankees have taken a commanding lead, what did I tell you?  Reds @ Phillies, Braves @ Giants tonight on TBS.  A scattering of broadcast premiers.  Qualifying in Suzuka at 1 am.  More PrIson Porn (at least it knocks Larry O’Donnell off the air).

• AMC– Aliens (by far the best of the series)
• Disney– New Phineas and Ferb, also Suite Life and Fish Hooks
• Discovery– Swamp Loggers (Season Premier), Beyond Survival With Les Stroud (premier)
• ESPN– College Throwball, Connecticut @ Rutgers (two teams that shouldn’t be playing in Division I)
• ESPN2– College Throwball, Oklahoma State @ Louisiana-Lafayette
• Oxygen– While You Were Sleeping x 2
• Sci Fi– Haven (premier)
• Turner Classic– The Plague of the Zombies, The Devil’s Bride
• TLC– Say Yes to the Dress marathon (with 2 premiers), Four Weddings (premier)
• Toon– Sym-Bionic Titan, Generator Rex, Clone Wars (premiers)

These people are here to protect you. They’re soldiers.

It won’t make any difference.

Later-

Maybe.

A fair number of broadcast premiers.  Tonight’s playoff action on TBS, Yankees @ Twins, Braves @ Giants.

As a capitulation (since I haven’t yet) Rangers are poised to take down the Rays in 3 straight with a 2 nothing lead and dominating performances (5 – 1. 6 – 0). Phillies no hit the Reds (Don Larsen, who is still alive, sent congratulations).  Braves haven’t been tested against the Giants yet.  The Yankees Win!  Theeeeeeeeee Yankees Win!  Seriously, the Twins are outclassed here.

My predictions?  Rangers over Rays, Phillies over Reds, Braves over Giants, Yankees over Twins.  Yankees over Rangers, Phillies over Braves.  Phillies.

There, I’ve said it.

• ABC Family– A collection of Pixar short animated films
• AMC– The Perfect Storm
• Disney– Return to Halloweentown
• ESPN– College Throwball, Nebraska at Kansas State
• Food– Alton x 2 (including Tempura Frying premier)
• FX– Baby Mama, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League (premiers)
• Lifetime– Project Runway, On the Road With Austin & Santino (premiers)
• Turner Classic– Forbidden Planet, Alien
• TLC– Sr. v. Jr. (last week’s penultimate and Season Finale), Kick Off Cook Off x 2 (premiers)
• TNT– Why Did I Get Married? (why is Tyler Perry famous again?)
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Hockey, Flyers @ Penguins, Blackhawks @ Avalanche

Later-

• AMC– Volcano, Mad Men (this week’s)
• Sci Fi– WCG Ultimate Gamer (Season Finale)
• Speed– Japanese Grand Prix, Practice
• Style– Pride & Prejudice
• Turner Classic– Countdown
• Toon– Delocated (premier)

Dave has Stephen Colbert performing against himself, Johnny Knoxville, and Gorillaz.  Jon has Naomi Watts, Stephen Davis Guggenheim.  No Alton.  No Boondocks.

More broadcast premiers.  Great Performances has Patick Stewart as Macbeth.  TBS has the Division Series, Reds @ Phillies, Yankees @ Twins.

• Bravo– Top Chef (premier)
• Disney– Halloweentown High
• Comedy– Season Premier of South Park, a show that has long since jumped the shark.  Ugly Americans (premier)
• Discovery– Mythbusters x 2 (premiers with Season Premier), Bad Universe (Series Premier)
• E!– Scary Movie
• ESPN– College Throwball, Alabama-Birmingham @ Central Florida
• ESPN2– Women’s Football, United States v. China
• Food– Next Iron Chef (this week’s)
• FX– Leatherheads, Terriers (premier)
• Oxygen– Monster In Law x 2
• Turner Classic– Citizen Kane, The Seventh Seal (not stinting on the classics, a real bit of counter programming)
• Toon– Regular Show, MAD (repeats)
• Travel– Man v. Food marathon (with premier)
• USA– NCIS marathon
• Vs.– Even I’m getting fucking tired of Slap Shot, find another movie.

Later-

• AMC– Rubicon (this week’s)
• Sci Fi– Friday the 13th: The Series
• Turner Classic– The Third Man
• USA– Ocean’s Thirteen

Dave hosts David Axelrod and Julie Chen.  Jon has Phillip Dray, Stephen Mavis Staples and Jeff Tweedy.  No Alton.

Boondocks– The Real.

Don’t be so gloomy. After all it’s not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long Holly.

If you could’ve found out what Rosebud meant, I bet that would’ve explained everything.

No, I don’t think so; no. Mr. Kane was a man who got everything he wanted and then lost it. Maybe Rosebud was something he couldn’t get, or something he lost. Anyway, it wouldn’t have explained anything… I don’t think any word can explain a man’s life. No, I guess Rosebud is just a… piece in a jigsaw puzzle… a missing piece.

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Well, last I remember Cylon Zoe was tearing apart a transport van in an acid trip remake of Short Circuit.  I’m still not sure how I feel about Caprica even after an entire season because of the ultimate failure of Galactica (and please, what a frakking cop out it was).  The only admirable characters are the Adamas and it’s kind of like rooting for the Corleones (not that I don’t root for the Corleones).  Stargate Universe is more of the same only now we have Lucian Alliance characters to wear red shirts and ignore.  And what was the point of the fantasy alien baby kidnapping sequence?  To make us feel better?  Babies die all the time, they can’t help themselves.  I don’t know why it was part of the plot in the first place.

I think sometimes writers don’t have a clue and just make stuff up for shock value and then try to dig themselves out of a hole.

A night of broadcast premiers none of which are remotely worth watching.

• ABC Family– Melissa & Joey (premier), Ever After
• A&E– Billy the Exterminator marathon (2 premiers)
• AMC– Wild Wild West, Life
• Disney– Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge
• Discovery– Swords: Life on the Line (premier)
• ESPN– World Series of Poker (premiers)
• ESPN2– College Throwball, Troy @ Middle Tennessee State
• Food– Chopped (premier)
• FX– Ghost Rider
• Oxygen– Bad Girls Club, Hair Battle Spectacular
• Speed– Monster Jam!
• Turner Classic– Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit
• Vs.– Slap Shot

Later-

• FX– Terriers (this week’s)
• Sci Fi– Friday the 13th: The Series Quilt of Hathor
• Turner Classic– I Married A Witch

Dave hosts Tony Blair, Mavis Staples, and Jeff Tweedy.  Jon has Bruce Willis (unwatchable), Stephen Leon Botstein.  No Alton.

Boondocks– Granddad’s Fight

Tony Blair-

• Liar
• Murderer
• War Criminal

May he end his long, long life of suffering locked in a dank cell at Spandau, despised and forgotten.