It Be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Ahoy matey!

Wikipedia, which as we know can be trusted in all things (especially Colbert Elephants), tells us that in the modern era celebration of Talk Like a Pirate Day started in 1995.  Those who accept Our Noodly Savior know that Pirates were the Original Apostles of Pastafarianism.  Unfortunately the Revealed Scripture (known as The Ramen Texts) is unavailable for modern study as it was consumed during a particularly long calm in the Doldrums.

Still it is accepted as an article of faith proven by the historical record that decline in Piracy is direcly correlated with Global Warming and many choose to spend this day in Worship at Church in addition to emulating the manners, customs, and language of their Pirate forbearers.  I myself have the good fortune to be 1/4 full blooded Pirate through my Viking ancestors (indeed Viking is a noun which means ‘Pirate’).

I generally celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day by telling the 3 Pirate Jokes.  There are only 3, all the others are just variations.  As Cap’n Slappy says:

Thar be only three pirate jokes in the world. The biggest one is the one that ends with someone usin’ “Arrr” in the punchline. Oh, sure, thar be plenty o’ these, but they’re all the same damn joke.

“What’s the pirate movie rated? – Arrr!”

“What kind o’ socks does a pirate wear? – Arrrrgyle!”

“What’s the problem with the way a pirate speaks? – Arrrrticulation!”

…and so forth.

The second joke is the one wear the pirate walks into the bar with a ships wheel attached to the front o’ his trousers. The bartender asks, “What the hell is that ships wheel for?” The pirate says, “I don’t know, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

And finally. A little boy is trick or treatin’ on Halloween by himself. He is dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, “Where are your buccaneers?” The little boy responds, “On either side o’ me ‘buccan’ head!”

And there ye have it. A symposium on pirate humor that’ll last ye a lifetime – so long as life is violent and short.

And singing some Pirate Carols, for which you can join me below the fold.

Are you ready kids?

Aye, aye captain.

I can’t hear you…

Aye, aye captain!


Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Sponge Bob square pants.

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.

Sponge Bob square pants.

If nautical nonsense be something you wish.

Sponge Bob square pants.

Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.

Sponge Bob square pants.


Sponge Bob square pants, Sponge Bob square pants,

Sponge Bob square pants, Sponge Bob…… square paaaaaants.

Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hack, cough, cough.  Arrgh.

Ballad of Badbeard

Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is the Ballad of Badbeard!

Arg, arg, arg, arg, this is the Ballad of Badbeard!

Avast, me ‘arties!

We’re sailing for the Isle of Spleen,

To search for the Treasure of Badbeard!

I’m feeling sick.  You’re looking green.

We search for the Treasure of Badbeard!

We’ll plunder, and pillage.  And do some math!

And all refuse to take a bath.

We seek adventure, and romance!

I’m running out of underpants.

There’s ghosts who haunt the cave, and worse:

It’s guarded by a pirate’s curse!

Why do my nostrils whisper to me?

Arg, arg, arg, arg, This is the Ballad of Badbeard!

Arg, arg, arg, arg, This is the Ballad of Badbeard!

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