The first day of the Republican Party Convention in Tampa, Florida was mercifully brief due to tropical storm Isaac. Isaac is now a hurricane and bearing down on the Gulf Coast as a eerie reminder of hurricane Katrina seven years ago and the disastrous Bush regime handling of the disaster. Today the convention hits its stride and was called to order by RNC Chair Reince Priebus at 2 PM. The afternoon covered adoption of the rules and platform. The rules have been changed to stifle other candidates like Ron Paul, who has been denied a speaker’s spot, and former vice presidential nominee, Sara Palan who was not invited.
Tonight’s highlight will be the keynote speech delivered by New Jersey’s own bully-boy governor Chris Christie and the speech delayed from possible future First Lady, Ann Romney with Mitt close by to cheer her.
To fit all of these folks into the 4 hours, all the speakers were told to edit their addresses to fit the time they were allotted, in the case of the first hour that’s less than 10 minutes. That will be quite a feat.
Here is a list of speakers and the times they are supposed to appear with my take on what they’ll say:
- House Speaker John Boehner: The Orange Smoking Man wants to throw Obama out of the bar. Then he’ll cry
- RNC Chairman Reince Priebus He’ll reenforce the litany of lies
- Video and Mayor Mia Love (Saratoga Springs, Utah), U.S. congressional candidate: She is the first black woman to run on the Republican ticket. Her roll will be to appeal to black women. Good luck with that one, honey.
- Janine Turner: Actress turned tearless activist who will no doubt insist that Obama was born
on Marsin Kenya or someother milder form of birther bs.
- Former Sen. Rick Santorum: Rick will focus on attacking welfare. He still Googles well.
- Host, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers: House rep from Washington with a Down Syndrome child will end the firsthour with coffee and donuts.
- Sen. Kelly Ayotte (N.H.), accompanied by Jack Gilchrist: She need a “crutch”? Gilchrist is the businessman who insists he did it all by himself despite the millions federal assistance and contracts he received.
- Gov. John Kasich (Ohio): Will talk about the great job he’s done trying to suppress workers’ rights.
- Gov. Mary Fallin (Okla.): Looks like she’ll be touting “Drill, baby, drill” theme.
- Gov. Bob McDonnell (Va.), accompanied by Bev Gray: Gray is an architect. I doubt they’ll be talking about transvaginal probe design but that would be a more interesting speech.
- Gov. Scott Walker (Wis.): [Another anti-union speech about how collective bargaining rights destroyed the economy]
- Gov. Brian Sandoval (Nev.): He’ll attack Obama’s Welfare Waivers after requesting flexibility.
- Sher Valenzuela (small-business owner, candidate for Delaware lt. governor): Another GOP candidate that built her business with 17 million in federal loans & contracts.
- Senate Republican candidate Ted Cruz (Texas): He has the delusional notion that the Hispanic community is conservative & opposed to amnesty.
- Former Rep. Artur Davis: Former Democrat now Republican who claims voter ID laws do not violate civil rights or suppress voter turn out.
- Gov. Nikki Haley (S.C.)
- Mrs. Lucé Vela Fortuño: Puerto Rico’s First Lady who will introduce Ann Romney
- Mrs. Ann Romney: The “Queen of Equestrian Mean” will deign to address “you people” with hubby Mitt leading the ovation
- Gov. Chris Christie (N.J.): Certainly the highlight of the night will be this blustering buffoon who would love to have you believe he saved New Jersey.
- Benediction by Sammy Rodriguez: Finally, a rousing “amen” from a Hispanic Evangelical. So far no Mormon Tabernacle Choir