Sep 30 2015

Dispatches From Hellpeckersville- Not This Again

This will be short tonight. There’s a reason I never say things like: what else could go wrong? or: it can’t get any worse! Because I’m a firm believer that the moment you say such a thing, it bites you in the ass. So I never even think it, yet it happens anyway. My kid is star student again next month. Me and Cleetus have to go into his classroom and “do something” with his class. Well…shit.

We nailed it last year. We really did, it went as well as I could have hoped, but my anxiety leading up to the big day knew no bounds. And I actually had a pretty good idea for that day, and was feeling pretty good, having just started to experience some good days from the botox. Now? I got nothing. No idea what I’m gonna do with these fifth graders, and it is killing me.

I have a general anxiety about going into schools just anyway. Even for good things, I get a mild “being sent to the principal’s office” vibe going. Now having to prepare an activity and submit it to his teacher…argh! It’s not like I can go all Bartleby on them and say I prefer not to, I have to come up with something. I’m trying to wrack my brain, but it’s throwing up blocks. I say: Come on, you’ve entertained kids, stop and think. But then no, it’s all: yes, but those were girls and their moms didn’t care if you wanted to make jewelry or make-up.

I’m just sitting here filled with dread. Every time I think about it my mind races and I start to panic. Why? Why now? WTF, man? I never even asked what else could go wrong! I know better!

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